Get It
Fox News fired Trump’s favorite news host, Maria Bartiromo, because she leaked an internal memo that said they weren’t going to report on Trump’s election conspiracy theories anymore. She told Trump. Trump will probably give her a job working in his administration. She’ll be fine, but now he doesn’t have his internal spy over at Fox News. Who’s gonna get it for him over at Fox now?
Speaking of Fox News, they’re concerned about the national birth rate. They say that not enough teenagers are getting pregnant. Get it, girls.
People over 65 outnumber children under 5 for the first time in recorded history. People aren’t having kids. They’re too stressed out, broke, afraid of the future, miserable, and not horny. Trump has killed the national libido on top of everything else (except for MAGA — they’re getting it on like they always have, and we can hear them, like we always have).
Trump is threatening to prevent the US from trading with other countries unless the Federal Reserve lowers its interest rates for him. Get it or else.
Trump wants to rename New Mexico to New America.
Trump posted an AI image of George Washington sitting in the Oval Office with him. George Washington is dead.
Trump unveiled the US Space Force uniforms. They look like the Imperial Military uniforms in Star Wars. Space Force. Trump has his own space force with their own little outfits. Git it. Git it. Git it. Git it. Oops!
The White House has debuted a video game for kids. The games flashes MAGA as it loads. Kids can build a border wall, capture and deport immigrants, or fill a Trump account. Go play at RK.gov.
Trump says that once he’s dead nobody will build any monuments to him. That’s why he’s got to get it now.
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The Republicans are having a midterm convention in Texas next week — a giant MAGA rally to galvanize people to vote for Republicans in November. First Lady Melania Trump will be blowing it off. It, not them.
The RNC website has been hacked. When you type in their web address you get to the Epstein Files.
Speaker Mike Johnson says we can’t trust anything Iran says because “lying is a part of Islam”. Um, the president of the United States lies with every breath he takes. Get it?
Trump dyed his hair to auburn brown. Someone had to have done it for him. Who did it? Natalie Harp or Maria Bartiromo? Not Melania. Definitely not Melania.
In Oklahoma, incarcerated inmates are working for Republican Super PACs for $2/hour. They’re making phone calls for call centers behind bars, calling people to tell them to vote for Republicans.
In Ohio, Patrick Havas, brother of disgraced lobbyist pedophile Andrew Havas, went to a campaign event where Amy Acton, the Democratic nominee for governor, was speaking to assassinate her. He had 2 pistols and a taser. Patrick’s brother donated $10,000 to Amy Acton’s opponent, MAGA Vivek Ramaswamy, so he had to get her. Patrick Havas is not a drag queen. He is not trans. He is not an immigrant, either.
The Dutch Central Bank has transferred 86 metric tons of gold to the Bank of England citing crisis preparedness. The Netherlands doesn’t trust the United States.
It’s been 3 months since anybody has seen Mitch McConnell, the once most powerful man in the Senate. His staff won’t talk. He’s supposedly at home but if you knock on his door nobody answers. There are cops guarding his house.
Got Labor Day off? You can thank the Godless, sex crazed, elitist, snobby liberals for that. And weekends, paid holidays, 8 hour work days, child labor protection laws, safe working conditions, a minimum wage, and more. The list goes on and on. You have to vote for Democrats if you don’t want to lose all of those things. Get it? GET IT?
Labor Day gas prices will be the highest they have ever been on record.
Mike Johnson is celebrating Labor Day by giving the House the rest of the month off. He doesn’t want to vote on Epstein. Members of Congress make $174,000 a year for part time work. Nice gig, if you can get it. In November, we’ll find out who does.
