Stille
Walking through the lanes of my memory,
Sometimes thoughts about you,
Surface from the depths of the valley and cervices,
I wait a bit, pause, and reflect on those memories,
The acts of love and warmth you showed towards me,
Those moments when you held me so that I wouldn’t fall apart,
I am strong, confident, valiant, and a force to reckon with,
You threaded very carefully while you extended your hand to hold me,
So that I wouldn’t be intimidated and also feel as if you were treating me like a delicate doll,
I don’t know about others but that made me feel grateful for I have you in my life,
Ironically people have those whom they don’t love and cherish in their thoughts,
You opened up the flood gates to the dam where years of pain and trauma were stored,
Not because I didn’t or couldn’t let it go,
I did know where I would end up by the end of it rather, I was aware of what all that would do to me,
I wanted an ocean that I could merge with and who would allow me to be who I am,
I wanted a space so big and enormous that I could gush free and uninhibited,
I craved to give love and did not want it in return all these years,
Here you never had to ask and I never had to give,
It was pure stillness,
The existence of being in the presence of someone with no expectations and loads of space,
Not just at the surface but at the bedrock of the ocean that stillness was in sync and no chaos dare exist,
The stillness was consuming as it healed every broken hope,
As it revived every feeling that died a slow death,
Watered every seed of hope ever sown,
In that stillness, a piece of me that was buried so unreachably deep was unearthed,
As it peaked to see from the years of clouding and darkness,
It saw the hand that held itself out for me to hold on,
The hesitance was real as we were used to being let down,
You said to hold it with caution as well that’s when I even though hesitant held on,
You brought me onto land where I could stand and not waver,
I said to you I needed no one but just freedom,
I told you I found the freedom that I craved so much and that’s why the dam also broke,
You sat and listened with patience,
Casting occasional glances and batting your eyes in approval,
Your silence wasn’t intimidating on the contrary it was very soothing,
The many unsaid words were said through the eye as they met an equal counterpart,
Some say the sun’s warmth wakes them up,
But your warm gaze calmed me down,
While I was rambling, I saw you deep in thought listening to me,
The night wasn’t getting any younger, but the time was definitely running slow,
It felt as if the darkness of the sky was not daunting,
Your presence was the reason for the calmness,
I was afloat in a lot of emotions, at the touch of the dew drops from the trees,
which were drenched due to the rains the day before,
I was soaking wet in your acceptance and warmth of the mind,
The idea of love has been so tampered with that we don’t really delve into its essence,
We are so surface level that without being in love with ourselves,
We pine for love that’s not practical or realistic,
It seems as if we have lost ourselves not just the love,
The memories are mine, yet you rule them from time to time,
I fight against my will to wander deep into these thoughts,
To feel you a little longer, to bathe in your love a few more seconds,
Well taking myself away from you even in memories seems to be a tedious task,
Whilst thinking through and feeling everything that I am,
I ask myself am I in love with you or am I dependent on you,
That’s when I saw that version of me that’s still with you even in the memories peep and say,
You really believe you and him are two different entities do you?
That now that just made me reminiscence the very reason why I love you and have always loved you and will keep loving you,
The beauty in all this is you reciprocated every feeling with the same rigor and same depth,
To countless moments and galaxies filled with stars,
Until we exist in the space we created,
The stillness in all its glory and beauty will keep ferrying us to the destined destination which begins and ends with us!! — Maya
Stille- in German means stillness
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