Mute.
Imagine being restrained from talking, eating or drinking for a prolonged period. You awake and the mouth is numb, but tight at the same time. The sickness from the anesthesia is fighting against the morphine filling your veins. An extreme sense of over sensitivity and lightheadedness washes over you for the first week…
The power of silence when you physically cannot speak is an amazing learning tool. One which demonstrates your thoughts and how they shape you as a person. Particularly, when being forced into living inside of your own mind for a few weeks, you notice new ways to get through each day. For instance, finding new recipes of soft foods which enables unavoidable weight loss, writing on a piece of paper to communicate becomes frustrating. The little things in life that you may take for granted everyday becomes starkly evident. The process is tiresome, ritual-like and often grueling. However, being enclosed in your own mind for a long period of time is almost paradoxical; both dangerous and wonderful.
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You’re challenged to confront your own thoughts about yourself, your perspective on life and what it means to you. Mentally, you take note of those who are really there for you through the tough moments in life. When mute, the exploration of who you are and how you will handle the healing, allows your patience to be tested. You realize a new appreciation for being able to speak everyday, you notice that words are your saviour and at the core of how you truly communicate. Taking this for granted becomes a realisation of why you love writing so much and expressing how your own life experiences can shape a person. Perhaps this may resonate with someone else going through the same thing one day. Being trapped in your mind is a true test to yourself by taking these moments of absolute silence and pouring your thoughts into something powerful, meaningful.
Once the healing takes place, you begin to think ‘Finally! Things are improving’. However, often a new obstacle arises. Loss of hearing is another frustration which looms as you get older. Constantly asking people to repeat questions, trying to lip read and respond correctly with guessing is awful. Winter is your biggest enemy; infections ritually interrupting your life, becomes a new norm. Your mind instantly begins to worry, analyse and try to fix silently without putting this burden on others. Yet, you forget all the other adversities in life that you’ve overcome. This may be a new obstacle for you to conquer, but on reflection, that’s life!
Forever searching for this ideology of ‘perfection’ or striving to be society’s version of ‘normal’ is genuinely the most unrealistic thing. Once you realise that every human on earth is fighting a silent battle, you are not alone. A new found respect for this challenge occurs. Sure, it’s frustrating, people assume you’re not listening or make fun of an accidental response to a conversation. However, each time this happens a small part of your self-doubt creeps through. You begin to retract from social situations if the atmosphere is going to be too loud that you won’t be heard or be able to hear others. Learning to accept it and find alternative ways of living with the new version of you is difficult, but a continued road to self acceptance.
Often, it is very easy to blame the problem at hand than to treat and nurture it for your own personal growth. This can be applied to all aspects of life and will continue to be a challenge with every obstacle life throws at you. Learning and exploring about your true self is the real gift of life. Therefore, it’s important to never allow your intrusive thoughts to create toxicity in your mind. Particularly as this can, most likely, project and manifest itself onto other people and your relationships in hurtful ways. Of course, this is easier said than done. However, welcoming change, new challenges and embracing your own growth by watering it; will forever be the personal blossoming of life. There is never a right or wrong. As mistakes often create a sincerity of purpose with how you approach life when unexpected experiences arise. Question is, how will you challenge yourself this year when life throws little surprises along the way? There is no set answer, because at the end of the day we endure, we analyse, we adapt to eventually a state of acceptance. Sometimes being mute can create clarity in a world of confusion by bringing a spiritual meaning to life.
Change brings reality. Change is essential. Change is welcome.
