Short guide to social work
I might be the least qualified person to do social work and even less qualified to teach anyone.
I’m not trained to be a social worker. I don’t have a degree in social work. In fact, I am trained to be an engineer, which I think makes me even less qualified to do this.
But I have helped exactly one person who was in a difficult situation. And I’m hoping that others may find these useful.
Why am I, a random person who is not qualified or trained, writing a guide to social work?
Because I think we all are being forced to step up.
We don’t have enough social workers, and there are way too many people who need help. People in minority communities are facing threats from everywhere; we don’t have enough mechanisms to get help from, and the ones that exist are often useless or inaccessible.
So this is like learning first aid. You don’t have to be a fully qualified medical professional to deliver first aid. But if more people know it, we can keep more people safe.
So…Something like that.
Another reason is that…unfortunately, I’ve heard way too many instances where people have screwed up that could have easily been avoided (I think)
I live in Kerala, South India, and being part of the queer community means you often hear about queer people in crisis. The most common situation is when parents find out and try to send their queer kids to conversion therapy.
Very often, you also hear about how the people who went to help them also ended up hurting them. Or put them at more risk. Or even took advantage of them.
It’s tough to assume ignorance in some cases. But I think we can assume “not-malice” in other instances.
So these are some of the guidelines that I came up with for myself when helping someone
I came up with these rules based on how therapists maintain relationships with their clients.
Also, these are rules I came up with for myself. I like having clear structure to things. Once again, I’m not trained for this. So consider these more or less like guidelines, maybe?
1. It is not a one-man show
I’ve had problems with hero-complex, a lot. And it’s no fun.
So this was a guideline I came up with partly to avoid that.
But I think this approach would help a lot, because I don’t think one person alone can do this. Even if you have nothing else to do (like me) and could devote days helping another person, you can’t do this alone.
Partly because you’re simply not qualified to do this. You may know some parts, you may have some ideas on the other, and some parts you’ll be completely clueless.
But your lack of qualification or training should not affect the person you’re helping or put them in a worse state than before.
So get all the help you can. Talk to NGOs that may have experience in similar situations; talk to experts as needed (lawyers, doctors, psychologists, trained social workers); talk to people who can provide assistance.
You may be the only person in direct contact with the person in need. It may be tough to
But try to get all the support you can.
I also found it helpful to keep at least one more person — ideally more people — updated throughout, every step of the way. Someone like a proofreader, so I don’t do stupid shit. (Sometimes I do impulsive things, so I needed that).
2. Agency
Agency is a very important aspect of helping someone, and I’ll be honest, I’m not an expert on it. While working on my hero complex situation, my therapist always said: “Steve, why are you always taking agency from people? Let people be.”
But that said, I know it is important.
I’ll try to explain in the way I know.
Agency is the control someone has over their life or their right to make decisions for themselves.
Why this is important
Taking away someone’s agency takes away their dignity. You’re telling someone that you know what’s best for them more than they do. You’re telling someone that they’re not capable of making decisions about their own life.
Many people you may end up helping would be ones who have had their agencies taken away from them. People whose parents locked them up, survivors of sexual assault or domestic violence.
It is important that they have control over their lives and they feel like it.
In practice
When someone asks you for help, you may feel the need to jump in, fix their problems, and save them.
An example I can think of is when someone is struggling with cleaning their house. You want to help. So you tell them you’ll help clean their place up.
You go to their house, and you start cleaning things. You arrange things in a way you think is best for them, and you throw away things you feel they don’t need or are useless.
But they had arranged things in a certain way, and they have a reason for it. The things you threw away were important to them. And their home is where they spend a lot of their time.
You took away their agency. You were only trying to help them; you were not trying to hurt them, but unfortunately, you made them feel out of control of their life or helpless.
What you could have done (in this specific scenario):
- Ask them what they specifically need. Most people know what a clean house looks like for them.
2. Present options. Maybe you have an idea on how arranging the chairs a specific way can make it easier for them to clean it. Tell them that, and ask their thoughts on it. Maybe they would like that, but maybe the way they’ve kept the furniture would help them with other things.
And maybe there is no “good” or “logical” reason for them to keep it like that. But it is still their decision.
3. Inform and take their permission every step. Allow them to change their mind. Allow them to give you more details on how they want something.
4. Let them know they’re in control and that they make the decisions. And ensure that they do.
There are situations where this can get complicated
For instance, if you’re working with a small kid (odds are you never will be; in those situations, the law and the state will get involved, and (I hope) they would have trained social workers.)
Kids may not always (a lot of the time they do) know what is best for them.
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There may also be instances where the person you’re helping is in psychosis (there is a very clear medical definition for it; it’s not someone being angry).
Unfortunately, I’ve heard of stories where even trained professionals have royally fucked up in these situations. I think we are all too familiar with mental health institutions using restraints.
Or people in a locality or region tying up someone who appeared to have violent tendencies.
I don’t have a clear step-by-step instruction set on managing these situations. I wish I did; that could have saved me a lot of pain and stress.
What I can recommend is that you get more qualified experts to help you out. Once again, this is not a one-man show; you can’t afford to play it by ear or figure it out by yourself with trial and error.
I will also rely on the confidentiality rule that mental health practitioners follow with their patients: as long as they don’t hurt themselves or anyone else.
And do your best to protect their agency as much as you can.
3. Go to therapy
You can’t help someone else if you’re not doing so good yourself. Another part of this is that you may be seeing or hearing some truly messed up things.
You may be helping a survivor of sexual assault and may have to hear about very messed up things that happened to them. You may be helping someone going through a mental health crisis.
If you don’t get the help you need, it will affect you and your ability to help others.
So be in therapy.
4. Prepare beforehand
Yes, you don’t have a degree in social work. But doesn’t mean you cannot prepare.
The part about this not being a one-man show applies here. If you’re going to help someone with something that involves the law, talk to a lawyer.
If the person you are helping needs mental health support, talk to a therapist or a psychologist and learn how you can best help them. Discuss emergency situations.
5. About money
This is one of those aspects where I’ve heard stories of fuck-ups. This is also one of those situations where I think there will be nuances.
For me, the rule was I never accept money or any payment for any help I gave. And I don’t give any money directly to the person I’m helping.
As you can imagine, there are nuances to this.
But the main aspect you have to remember is that there is a certain power dynamic between you and the person you’re helping. They would be in a vulnerable situation, and you’re there to help them. They may feel a certain obligation towards you. Or they may feel like you won’t be there unless they do something for you.
It goes without saying that you should never put whoever you’re helping in a situation where they absolutely have to pay you. If you cannot ensure that, you should hand over the case to someone else.
About expenses that may come up, it depends on the situation.
If they can afford to pay, I would say let them pay for theirs, maybe not yours. If they can’t, be careful about how much you’re willing to spend. You can also explore options like mutual aid, fundraisers, and others. You should also be looking into how you can make them financially stable.
6. The same rule applies for relationships
This is another common aspect of fuck up I have heard.
Remember the power dynamic.
You absolutely cannot get into a romantic or sexual relationship with the person you’re helping. Even if they approach you. Nope. Just no.
About friendships.
For me, the rule was no friendship. I wasn’t going to be their friend. Because lines get blurred when you’re a friend.
I have smoked cigarettes with the person I helped, but I never consumed alcohol or other substances with them. I don’t think cigarettes affect your decision-making or cognitive abilities that much.
But of course, this changes, for instance, if you’re helping a kid (cigarettes, I mean).
7. Privacy (remember the laws)
I think this is fairly easy to understand.
But just putting it out there.
As a general rule, never reveal the name or any information of the person you’re helping.
At the same time, there will be instances when you will have to share their details, for instance if you need legal assistance or if you’re looking into housing options.
In those instances, ask the person you’re assisting for the specific scenarios where you’ll be sharing their information (informed consent). And share only the information needed. For instance, you don’t necessarily have to share the name to get details of housing options; just the age and gender might suffice.
A very important aspect is that in India, it is illegal to share the names of survivors of sexual assault.
Privacy is an important part of protecting dignity.
8. The goal should be to get them back up on their own feet or bring back stability to their life.
As in, they shouldn’t have to be dependent on you their entire life. Once again, there are nuances to this.
For instance, young adults who escaped their homes may need support for a longer period until they have finished their education or they are financially stable. Chronically ill people may need support their entire lives.
But they shouldn’t depend on just you or one person, ideally, because that may put them in crisis situations in the future. And once again, you can’t be there for this person all the time.
The easiest part may be to find their friends who live near them. Please take into consideration privacy and agency when you do this.
Another part would be to secure financial stability. Help them find a job or other ways they can access money — maybe by working with an NGO, maybe through scholarships, maybe through donors.
You also need to ensure their safety in the long run. For instance, if they ran away from their house, their parents may try to find them. If they don’t have a house to stay at, they will be at risk of homelessness.
The work involved in bringing stability, of course, would vary a lot, since people are different and their situations are different.
9. Discuss the boundaries and rules
From the beginning, as much as possible. Be clear about what you can do, and what you may not be capable of.
10. It’s not about you
I think this is mostly a reminder for myself.
