Main Character Energy
“I am not self-sufficient, if I need others, this is vulnerability and uncertainty, because other whole persons in their own reality will never be entirely predictable and safe for me. I will need to be willing to let go of my own narrative — the story I tell myself about myself — because once I come into connection with another person in all their reality, my story will change. I will no longer have total control of my story, and I will not know exactly where I am going.” (Andrew Williams)
(quote received from Michael Haldas daily quotes email).
Everything has already been a thing, you just have to scratch the surface to find that out. Though finding out which Andrew Williams that quote comes from is much harder. Whoever you are, thank you.
I spent decades locked in my own bubble before Main Character Energy was a thing.
Many times I have skirted around this idea, always about to ‘know’ what the other person’s problems were, the way they had harmed or hampered me, chiefly that they never considered my thoughts and feelings.
Eventually, I came to accept that it started with me.
My desperate search for connection, to find the person to share my inner world with, vulnerable, uncertain and unpredictable as I am, was hampered by me. How could I find that connection, if I was the main character?
Starting with people I liked, giving them equal billing,was pretty easy. Starting a new job gave me the chance to start fresh with a bunch of new people.
Life got a bit easier, quieter, even more pleasant more often.
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There were many people that I had limited or sporadic interactions with and it wasn’t hard to add them to the cast list.
Now there was even some lightness and fun creeping into my life.
Reflecting on the parent who has already passed, how their addiction had impacted their life, mine, and our relationship was a heavy load, but easier to do with only one of us left.
The other parent, still in addiction, was easier with all the practice I’d had, and living two states away was as a nice buffer.
I keep scratching the surface.
I keep finding people that I’m surprised must have their own inner world, and that my problem with them is that I’m ignoring it.
Accepting that another’s addiction is a disease, not a lifestyle choice or way to piss me off and make my life difficult.
I don’t want to be the main character. As a kid I wanted to be the backup singer, not the superstar upfront. I had it right then.
“All the world’s a stage” as William Shakespeare said.
Well it’s better than “What, you egg!”
(Thank you for reading. Take what you like and leave the rest.)
