Untitled.
a fraction of nothingness.
I do believe hell exists.
And no, I’m not talking about a subterranean fire that punishes souls for eternity—I am talking about something much worse.
Hell isn't a place we visit in the afterlife; it’s a cage we build inside our own minds.
If hell is a cage in our mind, then isn't heaven the outside of it? The peace of not having to be you.
If hell was within us all this time, is it not meaningless to even dream of heaven?
Maybe it's because it feels unbearable knowing i am me. The things i could've achieved if i wasn't me—the ghost of the person i could've become.
No matter what i do, i see a version of me that is better, somehow more deserving than i could be.
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How could i escape someone who exists inside my own head? The one accompanying me within these walls, the same one that haunts me for simply existing.
How could i escape someone who has been with me all this time?
Hell does exist, so there must be some salvation that I could turn to: a light, a saving hand, a miracle.
But what if true salvation is the privilege of absolute nothingness?
I have always thought of heaven as an endless expanse. Of pure white lightness, and quietness. Peace.
Something that is heavenly if you would compare it to the crackling, burning fire of hell that consumes everything it touches.
Perhaps hell truly is eternal, maybe not in the afterlife but before it. The life I am living now.
Perhaps I will experience this hell within me until the day salvation finds me. The day i stop existing.
And maybe then i would finally get to see what heaven is like.
