War 2 Movie Review — Sucharita Tyagi
In a scene in this movie, NTR Jr explains why a man goes over to the dark side. The reason he says is MICE. Understandably, everyone around him is like, bro what? He explains the acronym MICE like the high concept it is. Which, if I recall correctly, is Money, Ideology, Corruption, and Ego. Everyone in the ultra high-level intelligence best of the best India defence team super-group meeting room is like, wow that’s not cringe at all, this man knows what’s up.
All this and more, in War Two Film, acronym WTF.
Because there simply isn’t enough war led by genocidal, maniacal men in the world right now, YRF spy universe brings to you two more, described by Ashutosh Rana as “he is a soldier, you are a soldier”, their mission simply being to destroy each other because “this is war”. The two men are Kabir and Vikram, and in true War style, you will never quite know which one is on which side at which point in time. The story starts for stylistic reasons at a Temple in Kamakura Japan, then by way of Delhi heads to Germany, the Netherlands, Spain, Somalia, back to Manali, then Yemen, Spain again, Bombay I think for a bit, international waters, Switzerland, Russia, Pakistan, France. The globe-trotting, multi-visa-holding mercenary Kabir thwarts death at each location, dances a little, smolders a lot, before heading off to the next plot twist. Hot on his trail is the Indian agency RAW, lead by Anil Kapoor, delivering an acting performance only ever so slightly different from Fighter, the film perhaps someone somewhere had actually hoped would BE War 2?
Here, from a story written by YRF main man Aditya Chopra himself, Sridhar Raghavan generates a screenplay that travels between tones with as much enthusiasm as it Kabir borders. Engaged and excited, you happily ride along for a long time, too. Seeing a bare-chested Vikram fly through stormy winds, hanging on to a chopper, without blinking, infiltrating a pirate ship, casually dancing to a song that claims he is the Shaitaan, is exhilarating, if silly. Kabir’s introduction scene is just as enjoyable- at the aforementioned Japanese temple, Hrithik’s pompadour enters the frame before he does, the slow motion foundation shade reveal is what can only be described as terracotta pink, the CGI wolf isn’t fooling a single person, but look at him fly through the air, as one does, and shoot the evil mob-boss through the windshield of his own helicopter. Machismo, yes, but at least there is design, choreography and muscles on display. And Hrithik Roshan speaking Japanese is, you know, titillating. Then there’s also the secret knowledge that a dance off between Kabir and Vikram is imminent, which is also its own kind of exciting, you KNOW all the super spies in this universe can shake a leg, Black Bag could never.
Patience soon wears thin. Both Kabir and Vikram are introduced and quickly established as MACHO MANLY MEN, neither interested in recovering from the stereotype. Speaking of, there is Kiara Advani’s character, Wing Commander Kavya, who in her introduction is shown winning an award for her bravery in a rescue mission. Soon enough, however, Kavya is predictably reduced to the idea of women’s liberation, her character arc decided only by the actions of the men in her life. Ah, the illusion of agency, such a great trick. Kavya is ignored to such a huge extent through this film; by the time you recover from War 2, and think back on what you watched, all you might recall from Kavya’s side of the story is…her wardrobe choices.
Now, the main syndicate that runs the show is called Kali, which means bud, like of a flower, surprisingly NOT an acronym. Kali is a covert organisation of influential people, exclusively South Asian for unexplained reasons. No Middle East, no European nations, no Americas. The Indian lead of Kali is oligarch Gautam Gulati, shipping, petroleum and telecom billionaire. To give credit perhaps where it’s due, this isn’t a kajal wearing muslim with a topi and taveez. The bar for action films in mainstream Hindi cinema IS so low that not having Pakistan be the root of Kabir’s problems and the subject of his ire feels like a step toward Hindi cinema declaring the need for immediate world peace. Almost as soon as these calming thoughts begin to cross your mind, though, a character says “India first” and you’re brought back to reality that perhaps not hyper, but undeniably nationalism runs through the veins of this film as well, above all else, it may or may not be interested in talking about or exploring.
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A character says Brahmastra, a pirate is named Barbossa, NTR Jr quotes Nolan, a climactic battle sequence takes place in a setting that looks like Superman’s Fortress of Solitude, linens in Europe, a metallic bikini, and a young man talking about the humane ways prisoners of war should be treated in a civilized world are perhaps thing little wispy straws one can hold on to while watching War 2, to try and stay afloat in the ocean of background score the film is insistent it wants to drown itself in. Each scene is scored like a climactic sequence, making the run time feel so much longer than it already is. Seriously, though, imagine expecting an audience to give you three hours of your time, in return for derivative shootout scenes in mall parking lots, and 586 repetitions of that very specific kind of neck twist that immediately kills a man. Everything is so cliché and repetitive, you’re actively hoping for either Vikram aur Kabir to finish the other. Doesn’t matter who does the job, who gets to the other first. The film itself is too afraid to commit allegiance to either side, while hoping to be rousing enough to make its viewers want to care deeply about these men.
If you’re really that starved for action and specifically Hrithik Roshan doing it, tell me why you slept on Pushkar-Gayathri’s Vikram Vedha? If you want to watch NTR Jr hold a very long grudge and beat people up, there is no dearth of choices. PM assassination plan subplot, seen ’em. Inexplicable timelines in romantic flashbacks, not new. A Bobby Deol guest appearance, saying the extension of this universe is straight up titled Alpha, sure checks out, no one is confused about the state of affairs. Aside from the joy of watching 2 very famous actors share screen space, there is nothing new on offer here. If that’s good enough for you, go buy a ticket this weekend!
So, on a scale of 1 to 10, War 2 is…..0% of the homo-eroticism of the first one made its way to the sequel, which might be the most disappointing part.
