letter to you 5
you’re back but why
you always ask me if i am attracted to you or if i love you. and i would always say no because one time i said yes and everything went upside down. you started behaving differently. you started ignoring me. you wanted me to come after you like a desperate lover. i didn’t want to be desperate but i was missing those constant talks between us.
what if i say yes i do have something for you i am not sure about of? i think about you all the time, mostly the conversation we have had. thats why i always remember things you have said to me during our conversation. i can’t call it love, even though i think it is. its not acceptable in any way to love someone when you only talked to them through texts.
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but i have other friends and we talk occasionally. with you it was everyday every night, for hours. i liked talking to you because you talk nicely or maybe because there was a connection between us, as in we both could go along easily or maybe it was you who was making it so easy. but then you also wanted to talk to me, thats why you were talking, isn’t it? because i have seen you after our fight when you didn’t wanted to talk to me, you weren’t replying.
as long as i wanted you, you wanted me too. you would never agree this but its true otherwise why wouldn’t you block me even after telling you hundred times. why were you still there after saying those horrible things to me. and the most important, why would you come back? you could have not unless you lost something.
i had my reason for wanting you and since you never told me yours, i would assume you just wanted a source of entertainment in your life. after everything you did and said to me i still want you, is it the reason you want me too? i know, i know you have a counter-argument for everything i am saying here and there is no need to tell you to believe in this since its true, because i know you will never.
i am sorry for what i did, i really am. and its hurting me everyday to know that you hate me now, that i am not same to you anymore. you don’t want to meet me then what do you want from me? why can’t you just let me go? because i can’t. because i want you. i need you. and you want me to stop needing you when i need you the most. why don’t you leave me? i could never move forward if you stay in my life.
