How to Feel (a little bit) Better

(Freaking Out? We All Are. Here’s Why)

Everyone (especially those of us in DC) is freaking out right now. I know there are huge and terrible things going on that have real-world implications for millions of people. At the same time, I find myself fending off conversations about what awful things are going to happen, from people who are letting their brains go off the rails. I’ve twice been accused of being “Zen” in the last month in ways that I don’t think were complementary, by people who were face down in a pit of despair. I wanted to say something about why it’s especially hard, and what small things we might do to take care of ourselves right now (and perhaps, more generally).

I’ve always been fascinated with neuroscience and how our brains work. Mine, especially. So much so that a few years ago, I got a certificate in brain-based coaching from the Neuroleadership Institute. I initially planned to attend their brain-based communication workshop, but I got hooked and decided to get the full coaching certificate. It wasn’t the beginning of my interest in how to manage my mind and why we sometimes act crazy for reasons that we don’t understand. Since then, I have continued to read and study neuroscience, habit formation, mind management, and everything else that seemed relevant. I did this to help myself initially. To help me meet work and personal goals, to help me sleep better, eat less, drink less, and be stronger, you name it. That understanding and the practices and frameworks I’ve developed for myself have helped me to deal with the current “situation,” which is naturally causing so much anger, anxiety, and chaos for everyone I talk to. Granted, I’m in quite a silo since I spent my entire career working with the nonprofit sector. I’ll also acknowledge that I am less impacted by what’s going on since I’m no longer dependent on government funding to make my living.

I thought it might be helpful to share some reasons why you may be feeling the way you are (aside from the obvious) and present just a few things you could do to help your brain calm down and to help you and everyone around you feel a bit better while getting through this moment.

I contacted Dr. Fran Appler, a licensed psychologist who has been in private practice since 1988. She specializes in anxiety disorders and in helping people learn how to manage anxiety symptoms. I asked her for her advice on what we can do at a time like this. Here is what we came up with:

First, your brain is built to freak out. Brains are designed to keep us alive, and they are always looking for a lion and listening for a rustle in the bushes or any sign of impending danger. And your brain looks for these things because it was designed to do that to keep from DYING. That’s the level of importance with which your brain scans the environment for danger.

When there is an immediate danger, this is super helpful. But, when there is a potential or theoretical danger that may or may not directly impact you at some point in the next few months, it can be debilitating. Your brain can put you in “I’m being chased by a lion” mode and leave you there. When I asked Dr. Apler about this, she said, The most important thing to realize is that this is a natural danger response. It’s normal to feel afraid. It’s natural because we are made to feel intense anxiety/energy when we need to jump into action. It is not dangerous in and of itself. Thanks a lot, brain.

So, your brain is designed to look for danger. What do you find every time you look at the news, X, or other social media? Everyone is freaking out. The Washington Post and the New York Times are constantly putting out new articles about how horrible everything is. And our brains are eating it up and then churning out similar posts on social media. Everyone is worried and scared, and their worries are being amplified through the internet.

And, if you are like me, you are checking. Checking email, checking the news, checking X (if you are still even using X, I’m not). Dr. Appler explained that when we binge on the news, we are actually engaging in a behavior called “checking for reassurance.” Whether you want to be assured that you have the up-to-the-moment info or you are waiting to hear that things are getting better, you just keep hearing that things are getting worse. You keep checking, checking, checking. Checking for reassurance raises anxiety. It does not make it better. Even when you hear something good (has that happened to anyone?), it still doesn’t reduce your anxiety because it could change in an instant.

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Your brain loves to look for danger and compulsively check the news. You know what it doesn’t love? Uncertainty. Your brain likes to know what’s going to happen. And I don’t have to tell you that there is NONE of that certainty lying around right now.

Now that you know that your brain is acting like a normal human brain, you may have more compassion for yourself about why you feel the way you do and for others about why they are frozen in despair. But what can you do about these feelings? I asked Dr. Appler, and here were her suggestions:

• Stop checking the news and social media on your phone for crying out loud. And I don’t mean that in the way that we all talk about screen time and being present. The more you check your phone, the worse you are going to feel. It’s a linear relationship. Check the news twice a day so you know what’s going on, and then stop. You want to be informed, but constantly checking does nothing for you except make yourself crazy.
• Remember that as much as our brains like certainty, we never know what the future looks like. We live with uncertainty all the time. That is life. You could get hit by a bus today, but you manage that uncertainty and continue to go about your life. We never know what’s going to happen. But we don’t worry about it all the time; we just get on with it.
• Humans are creative, and we are great problem solvers. Solutions will come from this tendency of our brains; we just don’t know what that will look like. Stop focusing on the things you can’t control (and the people you can’t control), and focus on what you can control. Whether that’s to protest, to change your purchasing decisions, to make sure you vote, or to sidle up to someone who doesn’t believe the way you do, and actually listen to them. Just do something, read something (that’s not created by a clickbait algorithm), talk to someone.
• Live moment to moment. Is anything going right this moment? If not, what can we do to get back to business, to live our lives, or to hang out with our kids or pets?
• Take care of yourself: Get your heart rate up by exercising if you can. Then your heart will be beating fast for a good reason instead of because you’ve been on your phone. Take a bath, read a book, or meet with someone in person just to connect with them. Do whatever you can to stay connected and take care of your physical and mental health. There are many things in this realm that you can control. If you can meditate, do it. A walk in nature is just as good, too.
• Take care of others: According to Dr. Appler, What we need to do is think about how we can be helpful. Join the human race. Say, I understand that my brain is telling me that writing this rant and sharing it with everyone would be helpful to me, but is it really helpful to others? This can involve resisting the urge to yell at someone, have another glass of wine, or get in a fight with your cousin or neighbor for the eighth time. We want to end up feeling really good about catching those urges, understanding why they’re there, and avoiding them.

Your brain is designed to focus on what’s wrong, what’s bad, and what’s uncertain. So don’t let your mind go around unsupervised. Give it some direction. That takes extra work, but now is the time. Focus on what is going on right here.

See if you can share something going right with someone next time you talk to them instead of all your conversations being about what’s wrong. I’m not suggesting you stick your head in the sand, but just try to balance it out. I promise it will make you feel better.

Originally published at https://tajcarson.substack.com.