Effective Communication
When I read Margaret J. Wheatley’s Disturb Me, Please!, and as I read Jasmine Nguyen’s thoughts on it, I was reminded of something my family had discussions about over the summer. When we were on our family vacations, we talked about communication and dialectical thinking. While reading the article, one of the biggest points that Wheatley was trying to get across was that she doesn’t want people to be separated by disagreements and differences from one another. I think one of the best tools to help us come together with our disagreements and disturbances is effective communication. There are three acronyms as tools in a packet that my mom had to kindly deal with people who disagree with you, to convince someone of something you want or need, and to stay firm to your beliefs and standards as well as respecting their beliefs.
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The first one is GIVE. This stands for gentle, interested, validate, and easy manner. When in a disagreement we should be doing our best to stay gentle and kind to one another so the conversation doesn’t get too heated. Being gentle and kind will help to ease tension. Try to be interested in why someone thinks something other than your opinion. The person you are communing with will feel like they are being listened to and they might even make a point that you can learn from. Validating their opinion is important so that whomever is arguing against you understands that you understand where their view is coming from. This leads right into the last one of having an easy manner. This trait in a conversation will help ease overall tension and cause less offense and less drama.
The second acronym is FAST. This acronym is to help you stick to your standards and not be swayed by others opinion. It stands for fair, apologies not, stick to standards/values, and truthful. If you want to be a successful communicator you must be able to make fair and reasonable negotiations and comments. Apologies should take place when something is needed to apologize for. However, no one should ever apologize for having a different opinion or standing up for yourself. No one should be deprived of their opinion. Sticking to your standards is as straightforward as it gets. Don’t give up your standards to appease anyone, even if it is someone who you care about and love. Stick to your values. The last of this acronym is to be truthful and honest to yourself and others. Is what you are saying really truthful? Do you really believe your argument for the reasons you say you do? Being truthful and honest develops trust: an essential part in communication.
The last acronym is DEAR MAN. This will help to get others to agree to your way or get negotiations as you communicate. It stands for describe, express, assert, reinforce, mindful, appear confident, and negotiate. First describe the problem that is at hand and express how you feel about the subject. Emphasize feelings by using phrases such as “I feel… when” or “You make me feel…” Next, assert your opinion, your proposition, your claim. People aren’t mind readers and something that many people struggle with is assuming that the person you are talking to knows what you want. Reinforce your opinion by repeating what you want and not letting the topic stray from your point. Be mindful of your temper, attitude, and tone as you are speaking to someone else. Appear confident in your plan and statements. Appearing confident will show someone that you feel passionately about a certain topic and you want to convince them of your opinion. Lastly, negotiate with whomever you are speaking and come to a reasonable bargain.
These tools will help the human race communicate and live with each other without being so offended all the time. Jasmine said that people can disagree but they should keep their comments to themselves. I agree and disagree. People are allowed to disagree but instead of keeping their comments to themselves, people should be communicating with each other in loving ways to try to learn from our differences and come to reasonable conclusions. I think everyone should have the mental tools necessary to communicate and use these acronyms to express their thoughts, opinions, and feelings. Doing so will help our society to be a more joyful place for people to respectfully collaborate.
