Take me, Jesus!
Rapture in Segovia
Nothing prepared me for this
Nowadays I have quite a few miles on the clock; a couple of dents and scratches (thanks to the odd careless Lady Owner here & there); and as I have grown older, so it has become ever more apparent that I was built for comfort rather than speed. However, despite all the places I have been, and without pre-judging those I still dream of visiting, I have never experienced anywhere as mind-numbingly spectacular as Segovia.
I thought it was all about a vanity-project Roman Aqueduct; maybe a couple of tourist places selling air-dried ham and indifferent tapas; perhaps the odd cobbled street and a run-down “Old Town” long overdue for either indoor plumbing or wholesale demolition. And when I first arrived I thought that pretty much summed it up — what with a Burger King set right under the Roman arches, and a Repsol petrol station 30 metres up the hill.
I tried to drive to my hotel and then gave up — there were roadworks in the centre of town, and it all looked a bit higgledy-piggledy — so I went back to the Repsol station and parked underneath (€29.75 for 24 hours, if you’re interested). Well, at least I could say I had been here now, and tick that one off the Fuck It! list. It looked like it might rain, and I stoically resigned myself to a slightly downbeat end to my long trek through central Spain.
So I started to walk up the hill, through the herds of Chinese tourists following the little flags their Shepherds were waving, past the shops selling Iberian dried ham and indifferent tapas, and into… Wonderland
What does “Fairytale” actually mean?
The drive over from Salamanca — which by now was firmly in my “as good as it gets” category — had been fairly uninspiring, but from about 8 km away Segovia started to appear on the horizon — a shining City on a Hill if ever there was one — and as I drew closer I pulled over and took the photo above. My expectations soared (only to then be dashed by Burger King and Repsol).
But as you walk up the hill into the town centre, away from the Madding Crowd queuing up for their flame-grilled DonkeyBurgers™ and indifferent tapas in the valley below, it rapidly becomes apparent that this is not just another run-of-the-mill Medieval Theme Park, and — very much like Urbino in eastern Italy — there is far more going on here than you might ever have imagined.
It’s got bits of Roman, bits of 12th Century, bits of Gothic, bits of Baroque, bits of “This ain’t Kansas, Dorothy” and everywhere you turn, there is more and more of it. My hotel — the simply brilliant Don Felipe —
was set a long way back behind the Cathedral and turned out to be an exceptionally convenient base from which to stumble around the fruit & veg market, the old Jewish Quarter (the Inquisition got rid of them in the end) and ultimately the Alcázar.
Words fail me, to be honest
What can you say? Waiting outside, I sent Nigel a quick video of a stork’s nest, accompanied by backing vocals from a woodpecker and a peacock. I looked over the rampart, down into the valley, and suddenly wished that I hadn’t; don’t get me wrong, I have a reasonably good head for heights, and I’ll go up a yacht mast any day of the week, but this was pretty hairy stuff — maybe 200 metres of sheer drop. And all in this almost luminescent honey-coloured stone — totally surreal from every perspective.
The museum itself is fairly spectacular too — lots of swords and armour , cannons, tapestries and that kind of thing
but also some amazingly intricate interior décor (especially the ceilings)
It’s actually not all that big — you can pretty much nail it in half an hour — but well worth the €7 entry fee (the guy on the till wouldn’t sell me a discounted OAP ticket because he didn’t think I looked over 60. I’ll pay €2 extra for flattery like that any day of the week…)
Back down to Earth
The next day I had to go back down into the valley to collect the car. And I was hungry. So I braced myself for either the indifferent tapas or — Heaven Forefend! — a sortie into Burger King. But instead I found an absolutely fantastic little restaurant and ordered a starter which turned out to be the size of a small donkey — magnificently presented and even with a slice of air-dried ham on the top. What’s not to like about that?
See Rome & Die
The previous weekend, in Ayamonte, Anna had unceremoniously dumped me by exclaiming that she was “Done” (and then walking out, never to be seen again). I had no idea what she meant, or why, but she seemed fairly certain about it all, and so my previous foray into a Spanish restaurant had not been entirely enjoyable.
But now I have visited Segovia, and so my life is complete: I myself am now well and truly “Done”, and if I never set foot off of my boat again, then it will all have been worthwhile and I will go to meet my Maker fulfilled and with a joyous heart. (And I’m not even religious).
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I I visited Segovia in June 2024, and not even the lousy weather could detract from the magic of this astonishing City. Make sure you go there before the lights flicker and dim.
