WHAT IF?
Finding Meaning in Hindsight
Ever asked that question before? “What if?”
It’s a phrase that fits almost any situation, serving as a blank canvas for every possibility, every regret, and even every daydream.
For example, what if I were more interesting? Less popular? Very rich, or maybe low-key financially stable? It’s wild how those two words, joined together, could literally open up a whole story in your head.
Lately, that question’s been sitting with me. I woke up today, ran through my morning routine, and by 11 am, I was already lying back, staring at the wall by my bedside, and had my eyes squinting like I was hoping something exciting would happen at least to feel less bored than I already was.
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Something so exciting, I forget about what I was trying not to do. sigh
It’s become more than that whenever you’re constantly reminded about how life’s moving fast and catching up to you in the quiet moments. If you’re in your twenties — or simply at that crossroads where you catch yourself taking a deep breath and wondering, “How did we get here ?”— then you know what I’m talking about. (For instance, I woke up this morning with April by my side, now I blinked for a moment, and I’m seeing May as the new month on my phone. Sooner or later, I’ll go for a walk and hear someone in the neighborhood mention salary day in June! Ah! ಥ‿ಥ)
So, at this stage. Every time that phrase pops up, I do look back at it, the good, the bad, and yes, even the ugly times.
I could’ve walked away from a bad decision. Could’ve accepted that client’s deal. Could’ve avoided hurting someone. Maybe not ghost that friend. I could’ve been better — more forgiving, more mature, more encouraging.
Seems I didn’t always get it right.
Sometimes I did; sometimes I didn’t. And it circles back:
What if?
What if I’d socialized more, instead of being a lone wolf? What if I’d just said what I meant, instead of second-guessing? What if I’d played sports, or chosen the hard conversations over silence?
Stayed when things got tough, instead of ducking out or complaining? Apologized, instead of letting pride win?
What if I’d locked in during COVID, when time was all we had? Spoken up instead of swallowing my words? Forgiven faster, picked growth over comfort, been more honest, or made better friends?
What if I’d never let those addictions in? What if I stopped pleasing people at the expense of myself?
What if I hadn’t given my all to that five-month relationship? What if I’d listened to the Holy Spirit, instead of my own impulses or emotions?
It’s funny how “what if” never actually changes the past. Rather, it only hangs there, reminding you of the version of yourself you could’ve been, if only.
And here’s the twist I always ask myself: What if those mistakes were part of the plan?
What if I had to mess up so I could learn what I value? What if ghosting that friend taught me why communication matters?
What if holding that grudge taught me how heavy bitterness really gets?
Maybe every misstep was training for next time. Maybe next time, I’ll know better.
See, “what if” works both ways. It can trap you in regret, playing the same moments on loop until you’re stuck. Or it can actually nudge you forward, reminding you that you still have choices left.
So, yeah, I’ve been sitting with that all day.
But maybe the real question isn’t “What if I’d done things differently?” Maybe it’s “What if I start doing things differently now?”
The past is closed. Is there anything you can do about it? No.
But for the future? That’s still wide open, and I’ve got a lot of ‘what ifs’ left to answer.
So, what about you? What’s one “what if” you want to answer, starting today?
