I Might Actually Be Gifted. That's The Problem!
This was not part of the deal.
“You're gifted!”
But I suck at math!
“You still are!”
Then why haven't I done anything extraordinary?
That question has bothered me more than I care to admit.
If being gifted doesn't guarantee extraordinary achievement, then what is giftedness actually worth?
Nobody necessarily told me I was, I think I just assumed it. I mean, how else was I supposed to interpret it? Explain jumping from ten different interests in just a month. One week I'm obsessed with painting. Then it's writing. Then psychology. Then history. Then Animation. Then something completely unrelated. I drown into each, learn everything I can, and just when I feel like I've finally figured it out, I sit back and think:
“Now what?”
Then I move on to something else… wait a second! I think I skipped something. Oh! Yes… right before I accomplish nothing, we have this part where I craft masterpieces, but only in my brain. I'm talking about every creative code cracked, content that are guaranteed to go viral on another day, see me create up to four new accounts at twelve midnight, then deleting them because I figured posting about The Golem Effect would be more fascinating than about The ‘Grey Goo’ Scenario(and many more.) Articles that could have me quitting college, animating characters that could earn me a job at Disney, history facts that might get me onto one of those genius-kids quiz shows, only they quiz on Math so… no chance.
Days pass, and I still haven't executed anything. As a matter of fact they keep coming, the ‘ideas.’ More of them. They keep getting more interesting, and that's the problem.
When an interest that spawned ten minutes ago becomes more fascinating than the one I had been struggling to execute, everything about the previous one crumbles.
I start over again!
Only to go on and on in this unfortunate, endless cycle. I end up achieving nothing!
But what if giftedness and achievement are two completely different things?
What if you can have an unusually fascinating ability and still be terrible at turning that ability into results?
What if you can understand things quickly but still struggle to sit down and finish them?
What if you can generate ten ideas before the end of the day and execute none of them?
What if you can be capable of something extraordinary and still live an entirely ordinary September?
Maybe the uncomfortable truth about giftedness isn’t that gifted people are destined to become extraordinary. Maybe it’s that potential has no expiration date, but it also has no guarantee.
So what exactly is the point of being gifted if potential can sit inside your head forever while your brain is constantly attracting others?
Maybe I’ve been asking the wrong question… and it’s probably one or both of these:
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“What do I love doing more?” Or “What can I do best?” As a gifted, you can, and actually love doing them… and by ‘doing,’ I mean you went ahead and absolutely nailed every single one of them! But you are not getting there, at least not just yet.
Because knowing what you can do isn't the same as deciding what you're going to do.
And maybe that's where I keep getting stuck.
Not at the beginning. Not at the ability part. At the commitment.
“What am I willing to do? What am I willing to do so damn well that absolutely nothing distracts me from it?”
Giftedness gives you possibilities. It doesn’t chose one for you… and maybe the hardest part of having many abilities isn't discovering what you are capable of. It’s deciding what deserves your commitment.
And when I actually decide, that's when I finally give myself a chance to do something extraordinary.
However, that too, won't be easy, because the ability to tolerate the limitations that come with choosing is not part of our wiring.
Because choosing writing means not pursuing ten other things today. Choosing painting will mean some brilliant ideas will have to wait. Choosing video editing means accepting that you're temporarily dismissing all the others.
Although, for someone who genuinely enjoys discovering new things, saying “no” can be incredibly difficult.
Let's try and be positive, for once: What happens when you finally commit? I'm talking to the adults now, with due respect, of course. For the kids, keep getting confused everyday, and drink your milk, anyway…
What happens when you finally choose something?
Well, the reality is that nothing gets any better!
Because being good at something and becoming really good at something are two completely different experiences. The first can happen almost accidentally, well, because you are gifted. You understand things quickly. You notice patterns. You pick things up faster than expected. ‘Maybe you are really good at this.’
Then eventually, you reach the part where ability stops carrying you. The beginner’s excitement disappears. This is a clear indication that you’ve found it.
You found it? Now that’s different ball!
That’s where giftedness can be such a strange label. A problem!
It can make you very comfortable being naturally too good at things, earlier, while life eventually demands something much less glamorous: doing the same thing tomorrow. And the day after that. And the day after that. Not because it's new. Not because you can, and love it, but because you decided it matters.
For me, I think, that's how you become extraordinary. I'm not there yet, because I still don't know what matters, until I do, I'm going to have to deal with this ‘problem,’ every day.
I wish I could tell you there’s a sure, direct way out of this.
But I’m a victim too, seated on this very part of the fence, watching both sides and still trying to figure out which way to lean.
So if you’ve found a way out, if you know something I don’t, please, share it.
Because I crave the extraordinary.
I think we both do.
