Remembering Myself Back: A Medicine Letter from the Quiet
I stripped back everything I believed and sat with what remained – my body, my guides, and the slow, sacred listening that finally answered.
There’s something rare happening in my life right now: I’m tripping back everything I ever believed – about myself, my values, my morals, my entire belief system.
It hasn’t been easy. Its been messy and painful, exhausting in every sense – mental and physical. I questioned my thoughts and beliefs untill there was nothing left to dissect. All it did was make me feel like I was spiralling out of control. I felt disconnected from my life and from the world we’ve grown accustomed to, and I felt only dissociation. I lost my spark. I forgot my purpose. I became the hermit.
I’m writing this from my bed where I’ve spent weeks being really sick – a viral infection and an autoimmune flair up in my gastrointestinal system. I’m a few days into antibiotics. The vomiting has eased; the fevers, severe cramps and spasams remain. But I’m lowly coming back.
That’s not the whole story though. During this time I’ve been realigning – ith the universe, my spirit guides and my ancestors. Instead of continuing to question everything, I started listening. I sat in meditation with my crystals and learned to be present.
Meditation hasn’t always been easy for me. My mind is neurospicy; slowing it down is a real struggle at the best of times. But when I get there, its complete bliss. Sometimes the background is birds and wind; other times its chaotic – teenagers gaming, dogs howling – yet within that noise I find joy and deep love.
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Mostly I just listen. Sometimes I ask my guides a question, but mostly I listen – because in that listening I’m rediscovering what I believe, what my soul contract is, and who I am. In day-to-day life I take tiny moments to drop back into my body: to feel where it hurts, where the burning is in my stomach and bowels. I breathe through the neausia and sooth my nervous system, tuning in and then doing exactly what my body asks for.
I’m asking spirit for guidance on how to heal my body and for the love, energy, and support to do so. I do this with so much self-love – something that has not been easy for me.
Over the last few days my connection has strengthened. I find my self seeking quidance more often. Its been quietly revelatory. I starting to notice what I tolerate from others and where my boundaries now stand. I say no quickly to conversations that prick me or things I can no longer give any energy to – subjects where, not so long ago, I held a strong opinion. I no longer have the mental capacity to entertain everything I once thought I needed to answer. Now I pause, ask spirit what is happening, and only speak if I’m called to.
Its a process. I’m it an expert. This is a relationship – with myself, my guides – md it needs to be nurtured.
I’m reconnecting with my crystals and the quiet power they bring. I’m rediscovering my love of writing, poetry, and art. Little projects have sparked light in me again.
This is exactly what I asked for: to realign with myself and what brings me joy and love.
Till next time,
-Kell xx
If this landed, tell me one small things you did today to come back to yourself. I read every reply.
