Two Brothers : When Blood Turns Against Blood
Why is it that two kids raised in the same house, who played in the same house, raised by the same parents but still they turn against each other in such a way that it becomes impossible for both of them go back to their original days. What made them hate each other so much?
Imagine a situation : there is a family; there is a mother, a father and two sons. The eldest is not as bright as the younger son. In fact, growing up, they are treated differently. The elder son is constantly compared to the younger son. the achievements of the younger son are celebrated. The elder son is slowly left out of the equation. The younger son slowly gets the entire attention and affection of the parents or as it is seen?
So what is the deal between the two? The elder son
He was clumsy as a child. Being the first-born son, his parents adored him. This placed him in a position of privilege. He doesn’t need to evolve much because his parents don’t give him the space to do so. He knows he can get things done with just a puppy face. The comes along his brother. The elder son is suddenly thrown into chaos. His world is turned upside down. He doesn’t know how to react. Nobody had taught him how to handle the situation. In reality he couldn’t be taught; he was himself too young to comprehend the situation. It was life yesterday he was the center of attraction for his parents and today he is completely sidelined.
Are the parents at fault? Not completely. A newborn child is a big responsibility and the mother is the primary caregiver for him. she has to be with him for almost all her waking time. Even if he sleeps, she doesn’t have the stamina to give her first son time. But eventually the situation comes under control and the two sons grow up.
Why is the elder son like this?
· At a young age he had to compete with the younger son for the affection of his parents. On every other occasion, he was reminded that he was the elder brother and he should be more mature. Every toy that his brother liked, he had to give it up. Every activity that he did better than his brother still, his brother got all the praise.
· He was just a kid who was told to grow up just because he had a younger sibling who was just a couple of years younger to him. After being constantly told to be mature, the elder brother secretly craved to be immature, be a child again. For once, he wanted to be childish and throw tantrums. With each reminder that he was the elder, after a point, he got fed up and he subconsciously decided not to grow up. Deep down in his heart he felt that if he was just like his brother, young and stupid, he would be loved more and have the attention of his parents. This led him to embrace his childishness in a full-fledged form. It was not a deliberate attempt but a subconscious act. Even he did not have the idea what he was doing. His main aim was to be the apple of his parents’ eyes. He was just a small kid.
· With him behaving childishly, his parents saw it as a mark of stupidity in him. They chided him for his behavior and compared to him to his younger brother. He was told how his brother was younger, still he was smarter and better-behaved than him. This drove the elder child into the loop of comparison even deeper. His brother’s childishness was taken light-heartedly where as his one as an act of stupidity and was met with harsh criticism. He felt as if whatever he did he would never measure upto his brother in his parents’ eyes.
· He lost the drive to excel. In fact, the constant criticism and comparison aimed at him pushed him to be quiet and introvert. He thought he was good for nothing. Even his studies got affected. With all this he was labeled as the non-intelligent kid of the family. He almost stopped trying. His subconscious desire not to grow up stopped him from maturing altogether. He grew up but didn’t want to.
What does this mean for his career?
He carries the same immaturity in both his career and his relationships. He could never fully mature. His career choices were mocked at. His way of working was looked down upon by his own family. Even here the comparison did not stop. He chose something he didn’t like just to make his parents happy so they would not get on his nerves. Further, his refusal to grow up had taken its toll on his parents, who by now were completely sure that their son was incapable to survive on his own in the professional world. Their loss of hope in him further broke him. His desire to excel at his work was crushed. Whatever hope he had to make his parents happy was shattered. And it took a downward spiral from there. He started doubting himself and with that came low self-esteem and that affected his day-to-day decisions and functioning.
This was further messed up by the attitude of people around him who had now decided that he cannot take a right decision. This made the elder son believe he was incapable.
What does this mean for his relationships?
Even his relationships will carry the shadow of his low self esteem. He might bring out his resentment on his partners. Even his partners might secretly resent them. They find that they have associated with the least respected member of that family. This can make them feel as a loser. The tensions can spill out in the open tearing the relationship apart. If this happens, it further strengthens the argument against the elder brother, that he is of no use.
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What about the younger brother?
· The younger brother always saw his elder brother as the person who took away the attention of his parents in the most dramatic way possible. He might be enjoying his parent’s affection and then out of the blue his elder brother does something foolish enough to make their parents drop everything and be at his side even if it meant to scold him for his behavior or actions. This is further made worse with his parents constantly complaining about the elder brother in front of the younger son. Slowly this makes him see his brother as just a nuisance who causes problems for the family. Somewhere down the line he stops respecting his elder brother. And the parents are mostly to blame for it.
· The parents always throw praise on the younger son almost always comparing him with the elder one. They treat him as their only hope. This makes the younger brother feel the weight of their expectations. With the situation and actions of the elder one, the younger brother feels he is the only savior his parents have. He feels he has to bring them absolution from the pain the elder brother causes them.
· With all the weight of the expectations, he sometimes loses confidence in himself. Every defeat, every failure makes him vulnerable. He is not able to accept his failures and doesn’t take them in a healthy way. He feels an obsession about winning which drains him emotionally and socially. He thinks if he fails, he will disappoint his parents and he will have to stand in the same line as his elder brother which he cannot accept. For him, his elder brother is the datum point he never wishes to touch. This drives him for success.
· The constant praise thrown at him by his parents renders him socially awkward. He starts comparing himself to his other cousins and friends. His mind never stops the comparison. Even a slight success of any of his peers or family makes him subconsciously despise them. He has grown being the centre of attraction in his family; he cannot stand the limelight being taken away by others. He might show that he is not affected but deep within he resents them.
What does this mean for his career and relationships?
His career flourishes. He is driven and wants to succeed. However, his relationship suffers. He wants the same treatment from his partners that he got from his parents. If the partners provide him with the same sense of validation well and good, if not, it will doom the relationship.
However, the interesting part is, even if his relationship gets very bitter, he would never leave his partners because breaking a relationship amounts to failure and he cannot stand to fail in front of his family. Failing is a domain he always associates with his elder brother; he is born to win.
But everything has a limit. What happens when this limit is crossed? Outcome A : an outright enemy
· The constant criticism takes a toll on the elder brother and he starts resenting everyone around him, mostly his younger brother. He concludes that his brother is the sole person because of whom he had to suffer since childhood right into adulthood. As the brothers become adults, when the elder brother is chided for his actions, the younger brother also jumps the wagon and the parents in fact encourage this. They might do it unknowingly without knowing what impact it would have on the elder son but the damage is severe.
· Initially, the elder brother doesn’t take it to his heart. The stature of the younger brother financially and socially might intimidate him. He might himself think that he deserves it. But when the elder brother also gets some level of financial security and social standing, he starts resisting the comments of his younger brother. He now considers them as an insult.
· The younger brother on his part sees this as defiance. He was used to berating his brother. In his mind, he had this image that he was doing a divine intervention in his brother’s wretched life. And the elder brother now resisting was again doing self harm. The younger son just could not accept his brother standing against him.
· This forces the elder brother to mature in the most brutal way. He comes to see his brother as someone who stole his parents’ love from him and also someone disrespectful who will go to any extent to destroy his life. Now the elder brother’s main aim is to sabotage his younger brother’s life. He would not leave any stone unturned to cause him shame or pain. With his parents getting old, he would unleash his fury on them as well. He would not forgive anyone. He will try to avenge himself from everyone. Everyone is an enemy to him.
Outcome B : cold and distant
The elder brother grows cold and distant. He finally comes to the conclusion that whatever he might do, his family is never going to support him. They will always see him as the sore in their life. They will never understand his pain. He will be mocked for everything. Even his success might be called as the easy thing to happen to anyone. He cuts the cord of attachment and stops his emotional dependency on his family. He now doesn’t expect anything from them. They are just relatives for him now. It gives the younger brother the sole authority in the household, but he loses his elder brother in the process.
Sibling rivalry is not something that children are born with. It is the byproduct of the differential treatment that parents give their children. Both the criticized and the praised child suffer the emotional consequences of this. No one wins but everyone loses something or the other in this comparison game. The loss may be different for the two children but the severity is the same. They both lose their mental peace and their siblings.
Originally published at https://theundiplomatic.substack.com on September 9, 2026.
