I am different
And that’s ok.
From a young age I have always been told that I am ‘weird.’
After a while I started to think there was something wrong with me so I acted out in ways that made people uncomfortable.
All the while I just wanted attention and had no idea how to express that fact.
I spent years, pushing, clawing and ruining everything in my path just for attention. I did not care what kind of attention as long as I got it that was the goal, all the while not knowing, Negative attention is not good.
I am Keana and I am here to tell you that I am different yet unashamed.
Now that I know who I really am and have grown into a beautiful woman who knows how to speak her mind.
Don’t get me wrong I still struggle daily with a lot of things and I am not perfect so please do not get that in your head when you read that I say I am beautiful and wonderful.
You see part of my healing process has been self love.
Self love meaning, I love myself unconditionally no matter what. No matter the flaw or mistakes I make- I keep loving me no matter what. No matter if I am labeled weird I will love myself.
I have been in this mindset for years!!
So when I compliment myself.
I MEAN IT.
I spent years calling myself stupid.
It is now time for me to step into the era of calling myself.
Beautiful
wonderful
amazing
I was bullied relentlessly from elementary to highschool and was told a lot of mean things.
I was ugly.
I was not good enough and whatever was said to me about myself that day I took it to heart.
I of course let these things hang in my head far to long and became obsessed with being the cool kid in college.
That did not happen to say the least, I was just trying to hard and people do not like fake.
Eventually I found out who I really was and people loved me for who I was not who I faked!
I made friends when I was honest with myself and others.
When I finally emerged from my toxic cycles I decided that it was time to make friends with people that do not associate with toxicity.
I began to fall away from people left and right the summer of 2024.
I started to go into hermit mode.
I decided ( a decision for me.) to stay to myself and not make friends at the moment.
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I eventually started making friends naturally after started working on shadow work and healing.
I attended rehab for a year and made close friends.
Unfortunately 3 of the 5 friends I had passed away, my best friend Jess though, we still are besties and sisters to this day.
I have a husband and one close friend and I feel very blessed, in fact I feel overly blessed.
I am glad I met a man that is also different like me, we can be silly and weird together and just give no cares!
For many years I thought being different was not ok, acceptable or right. I thought I had to change and be something other than what I was. Which is totally wrong.
I am who I am and I will not change for anyone.
I will fight for this for the rest of my life. Being me is the superpower that gets me though the day. It is the very air I breathe and it is what makes the most sense to me.
My “friends” and family growing up also expected me to be a certain way, but not my full self. I grew up in a Christian home where everything I loved and believed in was squelched.
I am not in the business of changing for anyone though, and that is where I lost most of my friends when I would not conform I lost each and every one.
My last best friend I had to cut off because she tried to control me everything I did even down to the food I would consume daily. It got to be to much and when I visited her after everything she was still wondering what was wrong with me so I decided that if someone can not just see me as who I am.
Beautiful
Wonderful
Amazing
Then, they do not deserve my time.
Nothing is wrong with me, I am different.
The superpower of being me is not easy, it comes with the burden of thinking I am doing something wrong.
But there lies the word discernment.
I had to discern if what I was doing was wrong while being different.
My art is not wrong, my writing is not wrong, my creativity, love for nature — everything that makes me different, these things are not wrong!
Liking strange things is not wrong.
Walking down the sidewalk backwards is not wrong! Hell yes you can draw on that drawer!
Let it out, let it go and be FREE!
Let freedom reign in your heart and be flawlessly you because no one can do it better than you. ❤
Check out my book on Amazon!!!
Have a great night readers!
Love,
Keana Sky Speaks
