True Gratitude
When we stop comparing and begin expanding
I was in the dentist chair when I felt true gratitude for the first time. With my mouth wide open and protective goggles on, it caught me completely off guard. I glanced at my dentist and felt myself fill with gratitude for him. For choosing to become a dentist, for helping me stay in good health.
Then I glanced to the left, and there was his dental assistant. The gratitude swooshed outward to encompass her too. For wanting and training to be an assistant. For offering her service to others. I closed my eyes, but then I saw the receptionist at the front desk in my mind. And again, the gratitude surged to include her. I felt immensely grateful to the people who take appointments, run the business smoothly, and make it possible for all of us to come and go with ease.
The gratitude felt almost palpable, like invisible waves washing over me in steady rhythms.
The gratitude felt almost palpable, like invisible waves washing over me in steady rhythms. It stayed with me even while I was driving home. It acknowledged the people who built the roads and set up stoplights. It urged me to bring them into the fold as well. It fed on everything, growing stronger and steadier as it went.
This gratitude felt different from what I had known before. It didn’t whisper be grateful, it could be worse, or others have it worse than you. It carried no trace of comparison. Instead, it was all-encompassing and eager to be shared. Every time I thought of someone who might not be experiencing it, it wanted to expand and pull them into the cozy bubble that had suddenly formed around me. I wanted everyone to share in this astonishing feeling.
It settled me comfortably inside my own skin.
Something had shifted in me that day. This gratitude wasn’t abstract. It was concrete. It didn’t lift me into rapture or into an out-of-body state. It settled me comfortably inside my own skin and filled every nook and crevice of my mindspace. It left no room for anything else. Gone, completely snapped out of existence, were the ruminations of a negative, judgmental mind. I had no bandwidth to worry about work projects or chew on past grievances. There was simply no space for any of that.
In its place, there was serenity and deep content.
When I came home, I couldn’t even bring myself to talk about the experience. My very active storyteller was quiet for once in my life. I accepted everything as it was and went through the usual motions of a typical evening — dinner, cleaning, rest, and sleep—without the usual emotions running in the background.
It took me weeks, if not months, before I could process what had happened and write about it — first on my blog, and eventually in my book Effortless Reality.
Get Tatiana Gwon’s stories in your inbox
Join Medium for free to get updates from this writer.
And that is what true gratitude is, my friends. I cannot fully describe it on its own terms, but I can point you in its direction so that you too may experience it one day, perhaps not too far in the future.
True gratitude … doesn’t compare one person to another.
True gratitude is not about this versus that. It doesn’t compare one person to another. It doesn’t look to your neighbor or reassure you with the fearful reminder that things could be worse. Instead, it encompasses your entire being. It washes every worry off your eyebrows, every fear from your stomach, every resentment from your heart.
It amplifies itself through sharing, expanding, and gathering more and more into your original little bubble. It pushes negative emotions into nonexistence and fills the space with warmth and well-being. And yet, it doesn’t lift you off the ground. It centers you around an invisible core, making you stronger in the process.
I have no idea why true gratitude appeared when it did for me. I had been practicing conscious appreciation for quite some time before that. Not very diligently. And certainly, not quite intensely. But I had reached the realization that I might as well appreciate what I see around me rather than not.
So I plodded along day after day—some days remembering easily, others not at all. Many times, I didn’t remember my decision until I had already slipped into negative talk, gossip with coworkers, or grievances against upper management. And then, suddenly — thanks to the bitter aftertaste in my mouth—a small remembrance would arise: find one redeeming quality and appreciate it, no matter how small.
I started doing this almost as if it were a parlor trick, a way to offset the negative thoughts and behaviors that had become staples in my daily professional life. But little by little, I suppose the trick worked and eventually brought in the real thing.
Had I only known what that real thing was.
Had I only known what that real thing was.
Have you felt true gratitude yourself? I’d love to hear your story.
And if not, do you wish to? Then, start small—with the day-to-day effort to appreciate every little thing that comes your way. And even if someone appears unpleasant, instead of indulging in criticism, wait patiently and watch attentively. Sooner or later you will find, however tiny, one redeemable or pleasant thing about them. It doesn’t have to be big. It may be as small as noticing that someone has an eye for color. How amazing! And, Voilà — you are in an appreciative mode of being.
It’s not the size or significance that matters, but the fact that you have found a doorway into the realm where true gratitude lives. It’s not about the other person and who they are. It’s about you choosing to boost gratitude and appreciation within your own personal bubble. Fill that bubble long enough, in whatever ways you can, and true gratitude is right around the corner.
EffortlessReality.com — where science and spirituality meet effortless practice.
