Oneself believes to be first in birthing an idea, engaging in an experience or impacting an environment. It is the great deceit of oneself.
And I am victim.
Over the last six years, I have made numerous attempts at reinvention because that is the norm, right? Doing it different to become different? That is the one fad that has not only gained traction and popularity in this generation, but also built companies, started marriages and to an extent radicalized countries. I am not a company neither am I in a marriage or would ever be a country yet, I have jumped on that bandwagon countless times that I am ashamed to admit it. We hear endless talk of “ in this phase of my life…” and “ based on this popular life-changing book and that latest TikTok trend, I have decided to get my shit together and restart my journey. Here is the link to my Pinterest board where I’ll share tips on how to be like me!…” All that is okay, I guess, if that’s for you of course!
Unfortunately, I can’t say the same thing for me. In fact, this blog (the absence of it really) has been a constant reminder that these trends and whatnots are simply tomfoolery in my world. A lot of noise that seems to be impossible to filter out of my mind that I have been clinically depressed, consistently obese and worse, the loneliest I have ever been. So, I have decided to stop it all. I know, sounds insane right? I mean, in this world where everyone’s real best friend is that AI bot you hit up at 3 am to remind yourself what a big failure you are and spend the next four hours scrolling on Insta and TikTok feeds of the influencers who “make you want to better”, leaving you drained and tired and hateful of everything you are because you can’t get to what you are not.
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Yes, I have decided I quit. I quit doing life and I’m letting life do me.
I quit counting my kilos and changing my diet to match that Med/Greek diet trend while I live in a country that doesn’t even know what a fig is beyond the Biblical parable and having to include one in my meal plan! I quit following blindly into spaces I have absolutely no interest and energy for. I quit even having my New Year’s on the 1st of January. I quit saying I'll quit being a social butterfly knowing full well I'd rather be binge watching fight movies with a 500g bag of sugared WowWows and Biscotti ice-cream with salted potato crisps.
I simply quit!
That said, welcome to a non-renewal of me. I don’t have a set routine for writing and posting on here. I don’t have a content calendar to match it but I do have stories to share. Sometimes they’ll come in music, book or film reviews, other times it’ll be rusty poetry from my old writings and maybe cleaner new ones, if we’re both lucky. I might even learn new styles of poetry and share my practice assignments with you! On the good days, I might try my hand at the four types of essays and use them to hone my language skills and critical thinking ability. These might show up in any language by the way, as I am revisiting my love of languages and finally using Duolingo instead of having to pay for an actual sit-in class. If I'm feeling very chatty, I might just let you in on my experiences at work and what I'm up to, to make them more tolerable because let’s be real; Corporate Communication can never be a happy place for any sane human being- and even in my darkest days, I am still sane.
In the end, I'll probably still be one of those people I just mentioned but I'll also, maybe, probably be less “you gotta try this!” or “follow me for more ideas on how to have a better life”. With me, it’ll simply be a space to enjoy human entropy in the most ridiculous way. I hope this helps both of us enjoy going with the flow of things. I’m sooooo looking forward to this!
Well, ciao for now!
I’ll definitely see you soon😁
