I now know
I never had a best friend
Over the years of childhood through adolescence I have had some friends which led to calling each other best friends. My perfect image of a best friend was a kind, close, fun, always with them, no other friends but you two, and you and the person againist the world. But I never experienced that, so what is a best friend? In total I had one boy “best friend” at age 4–7, a girl “best friend” 10–11, another girl “best friend” 12–13, and my last “best friend” 13–14. I sometimes wonder if it is me that is doing it all wrong with having or finding best friends. Everytime I would get close to a friend and which indeed turned into a name. “Best friend.” I didn’t truly like any of them, Most best friends tell them everything and absolutely love them, but I would try to get rid of them, didn’t necessary trust them and didn’t want to tell them anything. I felt guilty but I felt that I couldn’t help it in a way. Maybe I truly don’t know what a best friend is or maybe we were just friends with a confortable feeling.
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“This is me and maybe this is all I will get.”
