The happiest people in the world
There was a time when I didn’t even know if you were doing well. I remember those days when everything suddenly became so uncertain. Those days when the universe separated us for a while, but it felt like forever at that time. There was no certainty about what would happen next. And I wondered for months because that was all I could do.
I remember crying every night when no one could ever give me any comfort and I could only hope that my heart would heal soon through everything that could ease my pain. I remember how terrible it felt to wake up and realize that you were gone. I remember how frustrating it wasn’t being able to find you anywhere, not a single update about you reached me. I remember I couldn’t even send a message nor hear your voice telling us that you were doing okay.
All I did was just wonder and wonder. Are you eating well? Are you sleeping enough? Are you happy? Are you still making music? Do you have people to support you and keep you company during those hard times? Do you know that we are still here? Do you know that I miss you and am waiting for you? But none of them had the answers. That was the hardest part. Compared to not being able to know anything about how you were doing, I felt even more hurt because I couldn’t let you know that I was here, that I would never leave, and that I would still wait for you. We were separated by something neither of us could reach across, and all we could do was wait and hope that wherever you were and whatever you did, life was being kind to you.
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And then later I found out that you were wondering about us too. You couldn’t reach us either because you didn’t have a place to tell us where you were, what you were doing, or how you had been. While we were wondering if you were okay, there were days and nights when you wondered if we were still waiting for you. It feels bittersweet to think about now, knowing that all of those things happened on both sides of the silence. But what made me relieved was that even when we couldn’t talk to each other somehow we were still thinking of each other too.
After those days that felt so long had passed, we healed again, and that difficult time slowly became a part of the past. A past that may be difficult to remember, but became a part of our long journey, as the beginning of all the good things waiting for us in the future. Everything was made worthwhile by what you worked on and showed us. The work that you have always been proud of and have fought for over such a long time, and now it feels like that difficult time was worth it.
And now you’re here and I’m here. We finally found our way through that time when neither of us knew what tomorrow would look like. And that’s why every little thing feels so much more precious now. Hearing you speak, watching you create, knowing what you have been doing all this time, all of those things matter. But the most important thing is finally being able to tell you that I’m still here, walking beside you and never leaving your side.
For all the tears that we shed back then, maybe it was true that they were the ones that brought us to the versions of ourselves that we are now. And after days of uncertainty and nights of wondering, we really have become the happiest people in the world. The happiest people who found our way to each other again. The happiest people who hug each other to say: we made it.
Fifteen Love Letters to the Boy
Who Made My Autumn Warmer Than Ever
Entry 8
𓆩♡𓆪
