a miracle for It
He came back
And her stomach started to hurt
He made dinner
And she started to worry
He snapped
And she snapped as well
This is what modern society calls marriage.
She was stuck to her computer
And he snapped.
My hands and arms carve misshaped hearts.
I don’t know when It started
I look at the ceiling
I count the lights reflecting on the glass
My mind starts to float even in circumstances like this
Anything to make It go away
Maybe later.
People look
At my face
An open book she says
An empty book I say
Filled with invisible ink.
In truth
I am just full of It
Covered from head to toe
Leaving only my eyes empty.
I know I should say it
But wouldn’t dare
So I just close my eyes.
Praying won’t work
Cause I know I should be strong
But how could anyone be strong when everything is trying to drag them down?
They are seen as a unity
But they are on their own.
He feels like a furnace
Hot and comforting
But never warm enough
The kind that doesn’t warm you up enough
Just only a little bit.
She feels like what I would imagine
A pillow of eternal comfort
But the one that gets worn away again and again
The one that gets abused again and again
So comforting
But always struggling.
She feels like peace
A lullaby to put me to sleep
But something that feels hollow and hard to describe
Back towards me
Hard as bones
Hollow as her feelings
Peaceful and something you want to get close to
But a rose with sharp thorns.
Each one feels different and the same at the same time
Safe, comforting, and peaceful
But never enough
Because we are human.
People call me loyal, kind, and strong
But all it takes is one word
Get Valerie Lei’s stories in your inbox
Join Medium for free to get updates from this writer.
For me to question when they would leave
For me to question how long this will last
For me to question what happens when they know
It comes every night
Since the return of school
Makes me wonder if society is like this
Or is it even worse
Sometimes intrusive thoughts linger in my mind for to long
Longer and longer each time
But no one knows.
I remember how It reminds me of how
hated
unloved
ugly
I am from the inside
Where no one has ever seen
Not even the closest people have flipped through.
People are ugly
But I am the ugliest of them all
She says not to be
Father said repeatedly that I am not
But I just can’t help but think so
I try to claw back
And I really do
But things keep happening
They may seem small
A wave of a hand
A twitch of a finger
An expression
A small whispered word
All seem big to me.
People think I don’t notice
But I do
Even the smallest things
Matter to me.
The way he twitches his fingers when thinking
The way he scratches his neck and head when he feels wronged
The way he stretches when he is angry
The way he touches his pockets when trying to remember.
The way she keeps her hands busy when worried
The way she cleans when stressed
The way she plays with the earphone line when watching things
The way her right hands moves to the top of her phone when excited.
The way her hands makes 2 small circles with her hands when talking
The way her feet can’t stand still when she is worried
The way her eyes flick upwards when annoyed
The way her head is bundled and hair is sprayed when sleeping.
Maybe one day they can understand me
Maybe one day they will notice It
Maybe they can comfort me the way no one has before
Maybe one day a miracle will come
Where everyone will be happy.
Hope is strong thing
Strong enough to wash away It
Leaving me clean
My eyes clear
No longer empty.
Date of writing: 2025/8/20
I won’t notify this writing
I will wait for you guys to find this yourselves
