The Limerence
Yeah, it was once upon the days of (let’s say) immaturity, when I was infatuated with one of the most demure girls I’d met. Why call it immaturity when, that has led to my maturity in means uncountable and invaluable.
Yes, the heart would beat faster than the tempo of ‘Believer’. The lips and legs and arms shaking in excitement, to talk to her, to just make her acknowledge my existence. My heart used to beat for her but not these days, not for she changed, but I did.
No longer did impersonating a personality I couldn’t possibly play, just for being seen; mean more than self-discovery. So, these days, when I see her, I do not get overwhelmed, I get laid back, my heart sits down to think of my mistakes, my failures. Eyes drift off into the other direction instinctively, maybe I was ashamed of my goofiness all throughout. I had even once asked her upfront, if she had a crush: it really wrenches my heart for how could I do such a thing, how could I? By the way, she answered in negative ( yeah she answered, I told ya she was sweet ) and I do not remember the later dialogues. Yeah, that is limerence for you.
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I apologised for that, one and a half years later. She did not even remember the darn question. After spending those months under the weight of the due sorry, I felt so relieved that day.
I see her still, I talk to her still, she knew maybe how I liked her, but life still goes on. I see her still and I sigh and I smile, I smile for what I learnt and for the possibilities I lost.
“What you most want is what you most can’t have. And what you most can’t have, is what you already had, and lost”
