Overcoming More of My Fears (Dear Diary)
Hello everyone, and welcome to Dear Diary! I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but as of writing this, Halloween is coming up in a few days! I don’t celebrate the holiday much beyond watching a couple of specials, but I still wish you a happy holiday. Back in 2023, I released a blog post discussing some of my fears and how I overcame them. I thought it’d be a good post to bring back this year! I’ve had more than a couple of fears, after all, so why not discuss them today? So gather around, friends, while I tell some not-very-scary stories about fears.
In no particular order, we’ll be starting with something that still bothers me to this day, despite not being anything big. It doesn’t matter the context, and it doesn’t matter what purpose it’s used for. No matter what the situation is, I always feel bothered by it, and it makes me so nervous to try. I absolutely despise the idea of lying.
Ever since I was young, I was an awful liar. Oftentimes, emotions can be read right off my face, and people could tell when I wasn’t being honest. I never had a poker face, so I wasn’t good at deception in the first place. That may be part of the reason I hate lying, but I also get a sinking feeling that I’m doing something wrong each time I try. This feels like a moral standard on paper, right? We’re always taught to be honest, and lying only kicks a problem down the road and makes it bigger. But here’s the thing. I said any situation, which includes the most mundane things.
I get unreasonably nervous at the thought of hiding things from someone, even if it’s a birthday party or some other thing I’m supposed to keep secret. This applies to games too. I am really, really uncomfortable playing Mafia or any game that requires me to lie, because I either feel pressure that I will ruin the game, or I still feel that sinking feeling when I’m dishonest. I remember trying Among Us for a couple of weeks, and each time, I got so stressed out when I was imposter. I hated that role, to the point that I grew nervous trying the game altogether and I eventually dropped it. I haven’t been making many steps to curb this fear, however, because I honestly think it’s helped more than hurt. I would rather not be comfortable with lying, thank you.
Get Anna Carter’s stories in your inbox
Join Medium for free to get updates from this writer.
I’ve talked about bees in a previous post, but of course I’m scared of other animals. Insects especially. There are some kinds of bugs I like, such as ladybugs, rolypolys, or butterflies. However, a lot of bugs freak me out. I’m not as arachnophobic as other people are, but I wouldn’t call myself comfortable around spiders. It really depends on the size. The bigger the bug, the more nervous I am. If there’s a tiny spider, yeah, I’ll deal with it, no problem. But if you get a big spider out, I’m leaving. This is why I’m never visiting Australia.
And I will go absolutely nowhere near wild snakes. I think snakes are pretty cool animals with a lot of unique behaviors. However, if I’m seeing one outside, I’m panicking. Most of the time, we get garter snakes and other harmless species, but I’ve also heard sightings of copperheads. I would never have the guts to deal with a venomous snake, and I don’t think that fear will ever properly go away. However, I don’t hate all snakes. I’ve actually gotten to hold and pet some snakes that other people own. They’re all constrictors, which means my fear is basically due to the possibility of venom and nothing else. Constrictor snakes won’t actually kill people, since we’re too big to eat, so they’re harmless to us. So really, I do think snakes can be cool under the right circumstances.
Here’s a fear I’ve been getting over recently. I used to really hate walking alone at night. Whether it be returning from a friend’s house or going to a nighttime event, nighttime means I must be with a friend. It’s not that I’m scared of the dark, but there’s something about the atmosphere at night that seems ominous. Others call it peaceful, but it doesn’t really feel like it to me. The silence just makes the few noises louder, and I hate that I can’t see as clearly. I have a strong imagination, so that doesn’t help either. I feel generally more unsafe at night, though that’s started changing recently. Maybe it’s because I have more of a handle on my imagination now or because I’ve been slowly gaining confidence, but the night doesn’t bother me as much as it once did. And full disclosure, I don’t feel bothered at all as long as I’m with somebody.
Speaking of, I don’t like being completely alone in new places in general. This is going in the category of anxiety rather than fear, but I’m going to count it anyway. If it’s somewhere familiar, I can be by myself no problem, but if I’m going anywhere new, I am going to silently panic without someone there. I have called myself technically an ambivert. By all accounts, one would assume I am an introvert, but then situations like this come and I’m not so sure. For whatever reason, I get much more confident when someone else I trust is there. Maybe it’s because I have a backup plan there if something goes wrong, but I can go through the worst situations and come out fine because there’s another individual around. I can talk to new people easier, I have more energy, and I’m more ‘bubbly’ in a sense. Everyone else can be stressing out, and I’ll be perfectly alright. But then, once I’m alone, and the most minor of inconveniences happen, I freak out. It’s something I’m working on, especially as I keep growing up, but it’s an interesting thing to ponder.
Have we reached the end of the blog post already? Well, if I recall any more fears I have, then I’ll make a sequel next year. For now, I’ll wish you a happy Halloween. May you overcome your fears in this spooky season! Thank you for reading, and I’ll see you all next time!
This article and more seen on my blog site, Violet Pages.
