The Website Is Ready. I Am Not.
I stalled.
The website is ready. The data is in place. Everything works.
And yet, I stalled.
I have been going through a phase where everything feels messy. My discipline. My lifestyle. My reading sessions. Even my evening prayers sometimes feel redundant.
I have been praying, though.
Recently, I watched a video where a man harshly criticized his friend for the way she was living her life. He basically told her that, at the rate she was going, her best chance of becoming successful was to marry a wealthy man.
For some reason, that stayed with me.
Not because I agreed with him, but because I started thinking about my own life.
The way I’m currently living doesn’t look like the life I dream about. It doesn’t look like the future I fantasize about or the person I want to become.
I feel stagnant.
I got another job rejection today, and I wondered why.
Why does everything feel so difficult?
Why does it feel like I’m doing everything wrong?
It’s easy to blame the economy. And to be fair, the economy isn’t exactly helping. But sometimes I wonder if blaming the economy has become an excuse for me to avoid confronting the things I actually have control over.
Then there’s my mother.
She sometimes comes into my room and prays over me because she’s concerned about my future. She worries about the inconsistency of money coming in. She worries about the inconsistency of jobs.
And I don’t know what to say to her.
Because I worry too.
Today, I looked at my website again.
Everything is there.
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The work is done.
But I still haven’t launched it.
And that’s when that annoying voice in my head started again.
Discipline.
Discipline.
Discipline.
I keep hearing it at the back of my head.
Maybe that’s the problem.
Maybe I don’t need another tutorial. Another redesign. Another plan. Another week to think about it.
Maybe I just need to do what I already know I should do.
Launch the damn website.
I don’t know if this is the part where I suddenly become disciplined and everything falls into place.
Probably not.
But I do know that I don’t want to keep watching my life from the sidelines.
My name is Victory.
I want to use this space to document my growth, my thoughts, my writing, and whatever else I find worth talking about.
I’m not interested in being confined to one niche.
I want to write a lot.
I want to write honestly.
I want to write my soul out.
Well —
my well-constructed soul.
