Book Club for TikTok: Vol. IV
Gender preference is a tale as old as time. For centuries, prospective parents prayed to the gods-first pagan, then Greek and Roman, and finally Allah, Yaweh and Jesus-to send them a strong boy. The reasoning was simple back then. A boy would carry on the family name and-hopefully-advance his clan’s position through the accumulation of wealth, power and/or status. The only way a girl might improve her family’s situation was through an advantageous marriage, which is kind of addition by subtraction, and much less appealing.
Not so, these days; now parents overwhelmingly want girls. Data shows that prospective adoptive parents have “ a substantial preference for girls.” IVF parents too tend to select for girls, when the option exists (it doesn’t, in Canada). Anecdotally, my experience as an upper-middle class, North America breeder supports this trend. I can’t tell you how many times someone has looked at me and my boys and asked, casually, if I’ll try again for a girl.
The answer is no, but it’s taken some time (and much navel-gazing) to get there. My own initial desire for a girl surprised me, and after examining my internalized beliefs and stereotypes, I determined that I mostly wanted a girl…for the clothes. I just wanted to buy sequins and marabou and chiffon and dress my baby up like a little dolly. I think we can all agree that this is a very bad reason for a gender preference.
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But let’s put judgement aside for the moment, and focus instead on how and why gender preference has shifted, and what that means for “*tHe CuLtUrE*. Check out this week’s TikTok Text, “ The Stunning Decline of the Boy Bias,” and let’s get into it.
- What was your own preference for gender, and why? Did your partner agree? Does your reasoning still feel valid today, and do you experience any lingering gender regret?
- Have you discussed your gender preferences with friends or family? If so, with whom? Why are we so comfortable expressing gender preference, which essentially reveals our own internalized biases? Would you feel more comfortable sharing a preference for a girl or for a boy?
- Do you know if your parents had a preference for girl or boy children? If yes, did how did this preference make itself felt in your childhood household?
- There is much discussion-and with good cause!-about the “male decline;” i.e. the distressing trend of modern men failing to thrive in terms of education, career and mental health. Do you think that shifting gender preference is the result of the male decline, or did it predate and contribute to that crisis?
- Would having population ratios skewed toward girls, especially in the wealthy families more able to select gender via IVF, help to alleviate or exacerbate the male crisis?
- How has parenting changed in the past 50 years, and how do those changes affect gender preference for new parents? What do you imagine are the pleasures of raising a girl, and what are the pain points? What about a boy?
- How might gender preference affect the way a child is parented, and what societal benefits and downfalls are inherent?
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