Insane
Do you ever feel like anyone don’t like you and they just exhausted for who you are? I always know nothing about how I feel to what’s other think about me. I know that isn’t good to think of something that out of my control. But sometimes I can’t control my head to stay in their hole.
I’ll tell you the things that I often thought. First, I always got panic attacked when I eat foods, especially the crispy and chewy ones. I always think that those foods will be stop on my throat so I can’t breath anymore. This feeling is often come and made me became aware that my anxiety disorder wasn’t lost at all. Still I realized that I’m fine at all when I get all my foods aren’t stop on my throat. Ah, thought about that made me realized I’m not done yet with this illness..
Get Windy Amalia’s stories in your inbox
Join Medium for free to get updates from this writer.
Second, I always have some fear to dislike by some people just because I have no same ideas with them. This is threat me in every beat whereas I know that this is out of my control. Specifically, my fear get higher when I have responsibilities and my idea be a winner because I think that all of people will be blame me when some worst thing against us. And next step is they would dislike me well.
Third, I fear when people get exhausted to listen my stories. It became scary and embarrass when I know that my friends feel exhausted because of my yaps. Because of that, I often fear and think twice when I would talk with my friends about what I think and what I feel (unokay contexts). However, I wish they feel okay and open their ears for me..
Pschycologically, I know that isn’t fine and I need to meet with some professional person like what I’ve done in years ago. And from this jurnal I became aware that I wrote a lot of ‘think’ that meant all what I wrote is just from my head not facts. Wish I’ll get better.
