On Comebacks
The ancient art of wit and a guide on how to wield it.
You’re in Ancient Rome, enjoying an entertaining night performed by a few balatrones. As a wealthy man, you lounge among the other affluent men that wield immense political and social power. The jesters are rather adept at the art of comedy. You laugh uproariously as they jest at one of the patricians. The fools’ gaze catches you mid-laugh and futuo! Your reputation, too, is now being subjected to witty mockery. You need a clever and epigrammatic response that’ll leave the jesters feeling like they drank the Phlegethon. But why can’t you think of anything?
Comebacks are a necessity as old as time itself. If you’ve ever read Shakespeare, you know how peasants used their wits to outdo people of higher social standing. If you’ve googled ‘good comebacks to (insert insult here)’, you know how difficult it is to execute the comeback perfectly after an insult and make sure the scorner hears out your vicious retaliation. They’re also a wonderful tool to use in writing and essential in building realistic, witty characters.
I admire a witty comeback, but it’s good to keep in mind that comebacks are a double-edged sword. While you may laugh at the occasional quip, you can easily make enemies when insults go too far. So proceed with caution and make sure you draw the line between humour and genuine disrespect. The badge of honour of a witty person is to retaliate well to rude gestures, not to prod people unnecessarily and incite hostility.
Fortunately, kindergarten insults work well in most situations. They’ve been revived as a generation and used frequently as reliable retorts. I find that a ‘No, you’, ‘Your face is (insert insult used against you here)’ or a scalding GIF of a TV show comeback or a reaction can very often ridicule the insulter and lighten the mood. After all, Moliere once said, “A wise man is superior to any insults which can be put upon him, and the best reply to unseemly behaviour is patience and moderation.”
What better way to maintain your composure and gracefully dilute an insult?
However, if you’re dealing with slightly more serious scenarios, I highly recommend finding a comeback role model for yourself. Confident TV show characters that stand up for others and activists that shut down tormentors are some of my personal favourites. People who stand up for themselves and others often have the best approaches to dealing with taunters. You can also read Dorothy Parker, Winston Churchill, Mark Twain, Mae West, George Bernard Shaw, Groucho Marx, Oscar Wilde, Margaret Thatcher books to familiarise yourself with good comebacks.
A witty person can break down an argument in just a line or two because they’ve found the pivotal flaw of their entire insult.
Now that you’re exposed to the art of witty comebacks, try practising them in real-life situations. Instead of basing your comebacks on your comeback role models or TV show quips, listen to their argument and logically break it up until there’s nothing left. There’s a reason wittiness always shows up in concise one-liners. A witty person can break down an argument in just a line or two because they’ve found the pivotal flaw of their entire insult. Wittiness comes from listening more than talking. As Shakespeare once said, “Brevity is the soul of wit.”
Your behaviour is often a good enough comeback to an insult, so let things roll off your back as much as you can. Don’t practice looking unaffected by insults. Teach yourself to value yourself regardless of anyone’s opinion. Instead of building up the armour of verbal self-defence, learn to cultivate quiet confidence and vulnerability. Though it may sound contrary to what you’re trying to achieve, a verbal barrier cannot always protect you. An emotional one, however, always will.
Inculcating this quiet confidence will help you treat back-and-forths like banter instead of a hurtful conflict. Deflect the teases instead of getting offended. Keep in mind that oftentimes people don’t intend to hurt you while joking around. Swearing at the jester can ruin the light-heartedness very quickly, so always match the level of insult of the original offender. If you deliver intense blasphemy in response to an amusing tease, you’ll end up raising a few eyebrows. Instead of attacking the person, attack the argument. And remember that if you have to use a lot of comebacks to match their wit, they’re simply not devastating enough. Use sarcasm and comedy instead of offence and you might even make people laugh in the process.
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Lastly, note when your jest isn’t in good taste. If they didn’t deserve the level of disrespect you delivered, apologise immediately. Wit isn’t an excuse to bully people. Wit is based on intelligence, so showing off a little emotional intelligence could do you good. And remember, before you spend time and energy on a comeback to someone, ask yourself if the situation is worth it. Do you need to humiliate that person to save face or are you secure enough to walk away contently, happy that you didn’t engage?
To conclude, I’d like to leave you with a vicious burn from one of the greatest literary talents of history — the great Willy Shakes.
I would challenge you to a battle of wits, but I see you are unarmed.
I wish you all the very best.
A Concise Guide to Comeback Skills
- Use playground insults when you’re poking fun.
- Find a comeback role model.
- Practice! (but stay original)
- Behaviour is everything.
- Cultivate quiet confidence.
- Keep it lighthearted.
- Stay sensitive.
Credits:- learning.blogs.nytimes.com/2015/03/19/how-good-are-you-at-coming-up-with-witty-comebacks, www.wikihow.com/Think-of-Quick-Witted-Comeback
This article was written by Urvashi Balasubramaniam, a 14-year-old writer and poet from Delhi, India. If it made you smile, hit the clap button and give her a little cheer. Share it too so the world can be just a little wittier!
