Applied Positive Thinking
Table of Contents
- Introduction
- Realize that thoughts are not facts
- Know how thoughts trigger feelings
- Shift perspectives
- Reframe negative self-talk
- Feelings are signals, not facts
- Feelings are something you experience; they are not who you are
- Make peace with your anxiety
- Mindfully choose your actions
- Actions can trigger feelings
- Choose actions consistent with who you want to be
- Works Cited
Introduction
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is a form of therapy that has been empirically proven to be effective for a range of issues, from anxiety and depression to self-esteem and relationship problems. It’s grounded in the belief that our thoughts, feelings, and actions are all interconnected.
Drawing from this field of research, I am going to share a variety of tools with you to start practicing now and throughout your life. These tools take practice and patience, my goal is to help you realize the abilities you have so that you can find ways on your own to practice them.
Realize that thoughts are not facts
Remember that thoughts are not facts. We can have all sorts of thoughts. I might walk by my best friend Claire at the grocery store, and she completely ignores me. I might think “Oh she doesn’t like me,” when in reality she might not have even noticed me or was having a bad day.
We have many thoughts pop into our heads throughout the day, some factual and some not. I do not have control over who knocks on my front door, but I do have control over how long I entertain them, how much time I spend with them, and how much energy I put into that conversation.
Know how thoughts trigger feelings
Be mindful of how thoughts trigger feelings. We often believe that situations trigger the feelings we have. Actually, it is our interpretation of the situation that triggers our feelings.
An example would be going through a breakup. If you tell yourself “I’m never going to find love again,” or “It’s all my fault we didn’t work out” you’re probably going to feel angry and sad at yourself.
But what if you told yourself “I will find love again” or “I’m going to take this time to heal and grow”? You might start to feel gratitude for the lessons learned in the relationship and self-love despite any mistakes you may have made.
So the event didn’t change, but your interpretation of the event changed. Of course, not all feelings are just in your head. If you cheated and lied during the relationship, maybe you should be feeling sad and angry at yourself.
Life has painful moments, but sometimes our interpretations increase that pain. One way to practice this skill is to notice your feelings about something that happened and then ask yourself: “What am I telling myself about that situation? What thoughts are triggering these feelings?”
Shift perspectives
Being able to shift perspectives is an extremely useful skill. Since interpretations trigger feelings, even shifting one little word makes a difference. If I say to myself, “I have to work”,” I have to study”, or “I have to go to class,” I might start to feel trapped. Instead, try saying, “I choose to go to work because I like having a roof over my head and food in the fridge. I choose to study because I like getting good grades. I choose to go to class because I might learn something.” This new framing is going to have a different impact on how you feel.
Reframe negative self-talk
Being aware of the things you say to yourself and knowing how to intercept negative self-talk is an essential skill. For most of us, if we talked to our friends the way that we talk to ourselves, we wouldn’t have any friends.
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When we have a thought, it’s like paving a road in our brain. Each time you have a certain thought, you pour more concrete. The neurons fire and the myelin sheath become thicker every time you have that thought. That’s why being mindful of the music you listen to is important, because the more you hear the message of a song, the more it gets paved into your neural pathways.
The key is to notice when certain thoughts you have aren’t helpful, and then work to replace those thoughts with more constructive ones.
When you notice there are negative things you tell yourself out of habit, saying the opposite even if you don’t believe it can help. So, if you start thinking “I’m not good enough,” intercept that with “I am more than good enough, I achieve anything I set my mind to,” and then think of examples of your accomplishments. This takes practice, but you get better at it the more you do it.
Feelings are signals, not facts
Feelings are signals, not facts. I have a few examples of that. Fear is a signal that you might be in danger. Are you in danger every time you feel afraid? No. It’s a signal that MAYBE you’re in danger but it’s not a fact. So we want to notice it without amplifying it. Say to yourself, “Oh, I’m feeling afraid. Am I in danger? No, I’m not. I’m okay.”
Guilt is a signal that MAYBE I’ve made a mistake. It lets me know that maybe I’ve done something that is not consistent with the person I want to be. But just because I feel guilty does not mean that I have made a mistake. It’s a signal to ask myself if I have messed up or not.
I was raised being told that you need to stay busy. So, when I would relax, sometimes I would feel guilty because I would call myself lazy. Was it a mistake that I was relaxing? No, I’ve learned that it’s really important to take time to relax. Even though sometimes you feel guilty, that doesn’t mean you made a mistake, and it certainly should not keep you from relaxing.
Anger is the power to fight for dignity. It’s the energy to set boundaries to say, “Don’t treat me like that. Don’t treat my friend like that. Treat people with respect.” However, just because I’m feeling angry does not mean mistreatment has occurred.
Think about feelings as a signal and ask yourself “What are these feelings trying to tell me?”
Feelings are something you experience, they are not who you are
Remember that feelings are something we experience just like thoughts are something we experience. They are not who we are. It is very important to not label yourself as a specific feeling. If I say, “I’m an anxious man,” there’s not much room there for other feelings. Maybe I’m a person that sometimes feels anxious, but sometimes I get excited. Sometimes I feel happy. Sometimes I feel so much love I can barely contain it. We want the flexibility to experience a variety of feelings. They add so much color to life.
You can actually notice and practice feelings that you want to feel more often. Many people are in the habit of remembering a painful event throughout the day. Maybe it was only 10 minutes that you felt the pain, but if you continuously focus on it, you will feel it for hours. To counter this, the goal is to practice feeling what we want to feel more often and to think about that throughout the day instead. Whatever that feeling is, whether that’s confidence, love, or gratitude, it decreases our time spent feeling less pleasant feelings. If I practice being more confident, there’s less time for my insecurities to surface.
Make sure you do something that makes you feel competent, capable, and grateful every day.
Make peace with your anxiety
Making peace with your anxiety means accepting it. Instead of saying “I should never feel anxious,” be able to say “There’s my anxiety. Okay. You don’t get to control me, but I notice you are there.”
The great thing about anxiety is that when we’re pushing ourselves to do something out of our comfort zones, we get anxious. Isn’t it great that you feel anxious sometimes? Because if you don’t, maybe you’re not really pushing yourself to try new things or grow as a person. Feeling a little anxious is okay, maybe even something worth celebrating.
Mindfully choose your actions
By taking a moment to pause and think, you create space between your impulses and actions so you can make better choices.
A great example of this is using your cellphone. Think of how many times you feel the urge to check your phone each day. Even in the last 10 minutes, I bet you’ve felt that little itch to check it. Creating space means feeling that urge and then saying, “I don’t need to check my phone right now, I can check it later.” This brief pause to think will go a long way in improving your relationships and productivity.
Actions can trigger feelings
Sometimes people sit around waiting for their feelings to motivate them. We can actually choose actions that trigger feelings. If I waited to feel motivated to exercise, I would never exercise. However, about 10 minutes into exercising, I start feeling motivated.
Choosing actions can trigger the feelings you want. Don’t wait to feel motivated to study or motivated to go to class, go anyway. While you’re there, curiosity and motivation will flow naturally.
Choose actions consistent with who you want to be
Finally, there’s the skill of choosing actions that are consistent with the person you want to be. Whatever you do, there’s going to be people that agree with it and people that disagree with it. You have to figure out what you value and what you believe in then choose actions that are consistent with those things.
Imagine being on a road trip. You’re driving from Raleigh to San Diego. I can personally verify how long that drive is. Your ideal self is in San Diego. Every time you choose an action that doesn’t align with the person you want to be, it’s like taking a side road, potentially adding hours to your journey.
I value being healthy, so if I don’t exercise, that leads me down a side road. Knowing who you want to be gives you a map that informs you when you start veering off-course.
Your ideal self is never set in stone. I may arrive in San Diego, stay for a few months, then decide to drive up the West Coast to Vancouver. If you think about it, what your ideal self looks like now is probably quite different than what it looked like five years ago.
Noticing when you’re doing things that get you closer and when you’re doing things that lead you away from the person you want to be will get you to San Diego before you know it. Just don’t forget to enjoy the journey.
Works Cited
- Beck, A. T. (2011). Cognitive behavior therapy: Basics and beyond (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.
- Hofmann, S. G., Asnaani, A., Vonk, I. J. J., Sawyer, A. T., & Fang, A. (2012). The Efficacy of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy: A Review of Meta-analyses. Cognitive Therapy and Research, 36(5), 427–440. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10608-012-9476-1
- David, D., Cristea, I., & Hofmann, S. G. (2018). Why Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Is the Current Gold Standard of Psychotherapy. Frontiers in Psychiatry, 9, 4. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyt.2018.00004
