Swimming.
An essay on the meaning and personal importance of Mac Miller’s fifth and final studio album.
Originally titled Guidelines, Mac Miller’s fifth studio album was conceived over the course of two years. Miller’s most deliberate effort, the project underwent several iterations throughout the creative process. Songs were constantly recorded, added, removed or reworked (For instance, there were 13 versions of “Come Back to Earth” made for the album intro). Over time, a recurring aquatic motif would take hold and start to cohere for the album.
However, perhaps the single most impactful change to the trajectory of the album was Miller’s public split from his longtime girlfriend, Ariana Grande. Miller and Grande separated in May 2018, after two years together in the public eye. Shortly after, Miller would crash his white G-Wagon while driving under the influence in San Fernando Valley and was arrested for a DUI and hit-and-run. On May 30, Miller released new solo music for the first time in two years, dropping “Buttons,” “Programs,” and “Small Worlds” before going on a sabbatical from social media and celebrity.
He would return to social media on July 12th with an Instagram post announcing a new album, Swimming.
Swimming can be defined as actively moving through water towards a destination, but it can also be defined as actively avoiding drowning. That tension, of seemingly dueling perspectives existing at the same time, is at the heart of the album’s central theme.
But before talking about the music, let’s talk about the album cover.
Photographed by Christian Weber, there was lots of deliberate effort put into Swimming’s album cover. Miller is dressed in a suit with dirty bare feet, sitting in what appears to be a coffin with an airplane window above him, his head down despite being up so high. It’s a visualization of the dichotomy that’s present throughout the album. He’s experiencing incredible highs, but unable to get out of his head. He’s dressed impeccably, but his bare feet and coffin suggest he might be dressed for his own funeral. His head being “in the clouds” is contrasted with dirty feet that have been on the ground for a while.
Beyond visualizing the central theme of the album, Swimming’s cover is also an allusion to each of his previous studio album covers. The vertical stripe of the coffin alluding to Blue Slide Park, Miller’s prominent positioning toward the camera and central facial expression refer to Watching Movies with the Sound Off, the white background coming from GO:OD AM, and his pink suit being a nod to 2016’s The Divine Feminine. Swimming’s cover is a culmination of Miller’s music to this point, and a reflection of his growth from project to project.
Lastly, Miller’s suit may also be an allusion to Jay Gatsby (James Gatz) from F. Scott Fitzgerald’s 1925 novel, The Great Gatsby. Miller had previously sampled audio from the 1974 film adaption on 2014’s Run On Sentences Vol. 1, and the novel is a noted favorite of his ex-girlfriend Ariana Grande. Gatsby’s notorious outfit was a pink linen suit with a striped tie and handkerchief in the pocket, and the suit reflected his hope and love, or lack thereof, to rekindle with his love interest, Daisy. There are some parallels between Miller and Gatsby — wealthy, misunderstood and chasing after what they can’t have.
For Gatsby, his desire for Daisy ultimately ends in his dying and falling into a swimming pool. For Miller, his “Daisy” could be as simple as thinly-veiled reference to his hope to rekindle with Grande, or the more abstract desire to chase the initial joy that came from making music unencumbered by expectation.
Miller was notoriously well-read with references in his music ranging from the likes of Jack Keruoac on 2013’s “Eggs Aisle,” Paul Coelho & Charles Bukowski on Faces, to Ram Dass on the second half of Swimming’s “Jet Fuel” titled “Now is Only Now.” So, while we may never know the exact reason for the Gatsby allusion, I think it’s clear to say there is one.
Swimming is a forever album.
Released on August 3rd, and clocking in at 58 minutes, the 13-track LP debuted at #3 on the Billboard 200 and has amassed over 2 billion streams to date. There’s a clear, almost maniacal, attention to detail that permeates every part of the project. From the filters on the instruments creating the aquatic soundscape, to the faint barking dog in the background of “So It Goes.” It makes every listen unique, and rewards repeat listenings with little details that standout the more you listen.
So, I’ve decided to rank each song (I love every song on this album too, but I just love some a bit more) and pick one line from each track, and then briefly discuss the importance of the line to me.
13. “Dunno” — “But I’m takin too long, I’m always takin’ too long, yeah”
o Believed to be an ode to his relationship with Grande, I never fully connected with this track until the acoustic rendition was released after Miller’s death. Stripped down to a bare piano, “Dunno” feels like 3:00am inner monologue put to music. A somber reflection on a relationship’s highs and lows that’s tinged with optimism. Many times, in my relationships I find myself “taking too long,” whether it was with something as benign as waiting too long to respond to a text, or more serious like waiting too long to address issues about the state of the relationship. This line is simple, but one that hits home when I reflect about my shortcomings in relationships.
12. “Ladders” — “Feel it a little, feel it a lot / I’m swimmin’ a bit, but deeper in thought”
o Fluctuations of emotions are what led to pick this couplet. Oscillating between feeling small emotions, to feeling an avalanche of emotion, is something that I find wholly relatable. Somedays I may feel something a little, others it might feel all consuming. There are days where that avalanche comes, and the swimming slows, and the more pensive moments take hold, but I’m still progressing up the ladder. One rung at a time, some how I’ve just gotta find a way.
11. “Conversation, Pt. 1” — “it ain’t your money til you make it / Otherwise, it’s just a conversation.”
o Over an airy saxophone and layered vocals, “Conversation, Pt. 1” is like Newton’ s First Law of Motion. A perpetual stream of consciousness bound together by end-rhymes for it’s entire duration, with the song’s “Pt. 1” adding to the feeling that the conversation isn’t over. But what’s the conversation about? And who is he talking to? My interpretation is that Miller is talking to himself, and the listener, about potential. It’s a call-to-action, that potential is meaningless if you aren’t acting on it. All the money and success you want to attain is nothing more than a conversation than until you go out and do it. The song is “Pt. 1,” the conversation where Miller tries to outline this for himself and his audience. The “Pt. 2” is going out in the world and taking the action to make your dreams a reality.
10. “Hurt Feelings” — “Drivin’ with my eyes closed, missin’ all the signs”
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o Modes of transportation are a recurring motif throughout Swimming, and here driving serves as a subtle allusion to the travels of a drug-addled jazz musician in Jack Kerouac's On the Road. Miller’s ability stay on the road throughout the album reflects his mental state at any given point. For Miller, this line is an extension of his hubris while on drugs. A supreme confidence that he’s gonna figure it out, no matter how dangerous it may seem. For me, I recognize a similar hubris in myself. Sometimes, I can be so obtuse to the perils of my behavior, despite everyone around me trying to give me a warning. Missing all the signs, and brazenly acting without the self-awareness to consider what my behavior may cause.
9. “What’s the Use?” — “If they don’t get the picture, cut ’em outta that frame”
o “What’s the Use?” is the most existential song on the album, and is juxtaposed by the most lively production. The G-funk inspired track, with longtime contributor Thundercat on bass, tackles the question “What’s the Use?” Discerning the philosophical crisis of being in a funk — examining why we do what we do, and what’s the point in trying to figure out. This line; however, is direct and to the point. Sometimes you’ve got to remove people from your life who don’t have your best interests at heart.
8. “Jet Fuel” — “I don’t need nobody (I don’t need nobody!) / I don’t need to be nobody (I don’t need to be nobody!)”
o Featuring silky guitar from Steve Lacy, this line is affirmation of defiance and self-confidence. Miller doesn’t need anyone, nor does he need to be anyone to be accepted. All he needs is to be himself to be content. However, I wrestle with my perspective on this line. The repetition in the ad-libs feels like a bold affirmation, but I also hear him trying to convince himself he believes his own words. I aspire to feel this strongly about my self-importance, but I also relate to the mental gymnastics that it takes when trying to convince myself of such.
7. “Come Back to Earth” — “And I was drownin’, but now I’m swimmin’ / Through stressful waters to relief”
o One of the first records recorded for Swimming, this couplet is a microcosm of the album itself — a juxtaposition of navigating contrasting feelings (drowning and swimming, stress and relief), and the recognition their intrinsically linked. For Miller, his battle with drowning and swimming could apply to topics ranging from depression, to substance abuse, to his feelings toward his relationship. However, the challenge of learning how to navigate adversity is universal. No matter how overwhelming the initial onslaught of emotion, with time any storm can be weathered and progress can be made. Ultimately, I’m in control and choosing to move forward, rather than letting my emotions consume me, will provide relief from whatever stress I may face.
6. “Self Care” — “I was, thinkin’ too much, got stuck in oblivion, yeah yeah / Oblivion, yeah, yeah, oblivion, yeah, yeah / I got all the time in the world, so for now I’m just chillin’ / Plus I know it’s a, it’s a beautiful feelin’/ In oblivion, yeah, yeah”
o According to the vinyl credits, there are technically two songs on “Self Care.” There’s the track “Self Care” and then after the beat switch, the segment is titled “Oblivion.” Oblivion can be either disheartening, or enlightening, depending on your perspective. For me, it’s both. I relate to the more disheartening feeling of being debilitated to the point of inaction by your thoughts. Yet, I strive to find the serenity that comes with being unbothered with others’ perception of you.
5. “Wings” — “I got a bone to pick like roses (Roses) / I ain’t feelin’ broken no more”
o Chronicling the woozy ascent toward emotional healing, “Wings” opens with unflinching self-reflection. A grim juxtaposition of “bones” and “roses,” Miller is ready to acknowledge his faults (though some believe the line references qualms about his relationship with Grande), and no longer feels “broken.” Whether that means he’s healed, or that he’s accepted always feeling hurt to some extent, the immediate sensation of being “broken” has ceased and Miller has reached a status quo where internal reflection is possible. The ambiguity of healing is something I’m still going through, but like Miller, I’m at a place now where I can focus on myself and my own issues, instead of being consumed by heartache.
4. “So It Goes” — “So it goes, so it goes, so it goes”
o An allusion to the refrain after a death in Kurt Vonnegut’s Slaughterhouse 5, the phrase “so it goes” is very matter of fact about the world. I relate to the apathy that Miller uses the phrase in his verse, an almost despondent admission of defeat. But there’s an aspirational power with which Miller uses the phrase in the chorus, transforming it into an expression of belief in the world and the acceptance that somethings are beyond your control.
3. “Perfecto” — “It ain’t perfect but I don’t mind / Because it’s worth it (Is it? Is it? Is it?)”
o A last minute addendum to the album, “Perfecto” is an absolutely gorgeous song about the acceptance of imperfection as perfect. Opening with beautiful instrumentation, there’s an anxiety that simmers throughout the track about the underlying struggle of temptation. This chorus stands out to me because of the tone of perseverance, with hints of doubt. The main chorus outlines this belief that anything worth having won’t always be easy, dealing with adversity is apart of life. However, those “is it?” ad-libs question whether suffering imperfection is really worth it. It’s a push-and-pull that’s so innately human, recognizing the need and value of doing something difficult, but still subconsciously wondering if it’s even worth it.
2. “2009” — “See, me and you, we ain’t that different / I struck the fuck out and then I came back swingin’ / Take my time to finish, mind my business / A life ain’t a life ’til you live it”
o In many ways the magnum opus of Swimming, “2009” is an earnest 5 minute and 48 second lamentation over light, delicate strings about Miller’s growth and struggles with addiction. I’ve never struggled with substance abuse, but I relate to the tone of resilience in these lines. Miller wasn’t going to lie down to his battle, and I remind myself whatever adversity I face, what ultimately matters is my response. I always try and “come back swingin’.” And the last bit about “A life ain’t a life ’til you live it” has been etched in my brain since I first heard this song at 17, a reminder to not sit and let life pass me by, but instead, to be proactive and intentional in life, and the relationships I hold in it.
1. “Small Worlds” — “Ooh, I been a fool but it’s cool, that’s what human beings do / Keep your eyes to the sky, never glued to your shoes”
o Full disclosure, “Small Worlds” is my favorite Mac Miller song. From the first time I heard the song at my kitchen table the night it came out, it sounded refreshing, but familiar. A month later I learned the feeling wasn’t unwarranted, as another one of my favorite musicians, John Mayer, was responsible for the track’s guitar. I was entranced that night at the kitchen, and have played some rendition of the song well over a thousand times in the years since.
Clocking in at 4 minutes, 32 seconds, the song’s last minute unravels into soft piano with Miller rapping the lines above. The first line is a simple acknowledgement of Miller’s DUI, but also a broader gesture of being aware that mistakes are bound to happen as a part of the human experience. It’s simple, but affording myself grace is something I struggled with at 17, and this line has helped me be less critical of myself in the years since. The second line is a reminder to keep your head high. Its such a simple but powerful line. It’s helped me navigate many trying times since that night on May 30, and it’s the first thing I tell myself when times are tough. Just a small way to tell myself to keep my head up, and that you can’t see all the good in the world when your lost in your own head.
Note: This piece was originally conceived and written in 2021. While what I wrote was genuine to my feelings at that time, I hate most of it now. So, I reworked and rewrote the vast majority of this piece. The sentiment remains the same, but I feel better equipped to express my thoughts now. Thank you for reading.
