THE CITY
I’m on the train.
BART, as Bay Area locals call it.
When I close my eyes, that’s where I am. I’m by myself, headed home on the subway. It’s dark out and I’m going through South San Francisco. I’m staring out the window at box shaped houses, scattered throughout the hills of Daly City. This style of housing is so unique, when you see the pale colours and square architecture you know where you’re at. I’m not in any kind of rush, walking out the station, looking around and soaking it all in like, man… you live in The City. After walking up what feels like endless hills, I’m home. The box shaped house I share with 10 of my teammates.
It’s a cool house that’s for sure. There’s a lot going on all the time. Music playing, laughter, video game contests, arguments, fights over the shower and great company. But sometimes I go for a walk to clear my mind. I go down to the High School field to meditate and soak it all in. And boy do I appreciate it. It’s such a beautiful field, in a beautiful area. The weather can be warm and sunny, or it can be rainy and cold (think Melbourne, but doesn’t change as fast). Once again it hits me, I’m in The City.
That’s what comes to mind, when thinking about the last few months . I’m surrounded by traffic and energy, but alone and at peace — like I’m in my own world. After having such a slow and relaxing Christmas it feels surreal to be in a concrete jungle. I find myself meditating, walking, riding trains, reading, staring out watching the traffic to pass the time … to be with my thoughts.
I blink and I’m back to reality. There’s no time for easing in, I’m lifting 350lbs of metal on my back, running, and working your core for 2.5 hours. Then once you think you’re done you jump over the rope for an hour. Then you compete in a race flipping tires.
We’re now three weeks into Winter Workouts, approaching Spring Football in about month’s time. My body (and everyone else’s) is on the brink of collapse.
Imagine it’s 10 degrees and pouring rain. Your legs are heavy from the fatigue of training for the past three days. Also due to the fact they’re actually heavy from collecting 10lbs of water. The coaches have told you that their main goal from these workouts is to try to get you to quit. They want to see if they can trust you when it get’s tough in games. So they send you out into the cold rain to run, and bearcrawl non-stop for several hours. No chatting to your buddies, no water breaks — or they will cut you then and there.
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Then once you’re done, make sure you focus in your meetings. Also, study hall is crucial to hit the books for a few hours. Afterwards I sometimes feel so tired my body is 10 seconds ahead of my brain.
Then where do I find myself after all that? On the BART staring out at Daly City on my way home, listening to Joey Badass or an audiobook.
It’s amazing to be back training gearing up for another season. I can’t wait to chase something great come September. I’ve missed football. But I’ve got a lot of improvement to make in the next few months. This year is my make or break Sophomore season. The physical pain of the offseason isn’t the only thing, It’s the isolation, too — it’s the waiting. It’s the battle with yourself. To always try to get better, and forget about all the noise. Forget about what’s happening back in Australia. Forget about all the other players at my position getting recruited. National Signing Day was tough seeing all the glitz and glamour surrounding my direct competition. Sometimes it all feels insurmountable. Being so far from home, and so unaware of what’s next. Even with the best coaches in Junior College Football backing me at City College, and the best kicking coach in the world behind me in Melbourne.
The fatigue sets in. You’re not yourself. Some nights I have to go to the one place where I’ve always been able to be creative, open-minded and free; inside myself to my inner core. This whole Spring has felt like me against myself everyday. It’s all a mental game. Not me against another guy. Not me against my freshman self. X vs. X, right here right now.
I have to ask myself the important bigger questions of why am I doing this? Who am I trying to impact? I have to remind myself there is a greater purpose behind this all, trying to become a better version of me, to in turn inspire and support others. And to do everyone who has supported me proud. It is necessary for my development.
I’m certain the things that I’m going through is creating some type of greatness. To earn the greatness which awaits me, I must stay dedicated to the journey. There is no guarantee that comes with my choices. I still have to fight through every uphill step with miles upon miles left to go. I may fail. But what better way to learn things than for them to be hard? Who am I now and who do I want to be?
Because we’re all coming back from something, each of us, at different times. For me, I’m coming back for my Sophomore season. It’s a journey. It really is. This year, I’m trying to understand the laws of attraction in a deeper way. I believe that if you stay true to your heart and you work hard at it, everything falls in place.
