Pipelines

Stuck inside this box, I call my home. Connected by cables I'm stuck to the walls, I will never be able to escape, as these pipes secure my well-being. Without them, I will die, or at least I fear. I have never left this room, but I know about life, from the memories pumped into my body. The pipes give me thoughts, they provide me energy and an experience of living in the outside world. I have never seen the sun with my real eyes, but I have felt the warmth on my skin, all thanks to the pipes. But lately, I have been wondering if it is real if the outside world even exists, and if it does, why am I locked up in these four walls? But the question leaves as a new memory enters my brain. A woman dancing in the rain, freed from any hurt that has been bothering her mind. She stands strong in the grass field, not any negative feeling connected to this pure moment, a moment of relief as she keeps on spinning on her feet, hands reaching to the skies as rain drips from her face. Not bothered by the wet clothes sticking to her bones she keeps on dancing in circles. It gives me a feeling of peace as if I'm the one dancing, it feels nice to have a positive memory again finally. The walls had been getting closer and closer to the corner I was hiding in, but with the woman dancing inside me I felt as if I could escape for a second. The vision begins to blur and I return to the room, saddened by the fact it went by so fast I open my eyes again to the white room. This is how I pass the days, waiting for a film to play in my head to distract myself from the nothingness surrounding me. Sometimes it is a good one, and I feel jealous of the one experiencing it, sometimes it is gutwrenching and I can’t look away.
I don't know when or how I entered this place, my past got erased by all the new things that entered me, the lifeline keeps me awake, and the pipeline makes me feel human, to think and to see. Sometimes, when I have the time to formulate my own thoughts I start to wonder if I'm a real person, the pipeline mimics the feeling, but my mind tells me I'm just a doll. I feel confused while I stare at the walls. Only for a second, I start to question everything, but the urge to unplug the lifeline disappears when new thoughts enter my mind.
Gratefulness to be alive, yes I must say I'm happy to be alive. I’m human and They granted me life, I must be grateful to have happy memories, even if those aren’t mine or even real, I must be grateful for the thought, grateful grateful grateful. Hitting my head to the wall screaming the words repeating the same sentence, I must be grateful to be able to breathe. They gave me air to taste. With every hit to the white wall, I seemed to lose track of time, was it day or night? Hitting my head even harder. I don't want to be consumed with this propaganda keeping me sane, I have lost the idea of being sane, my mind has never heard the explanation of sanity. But the voices scream. Sanity is in me. I lose my eyesight, I want to fight Them but my body doesn't allow it. The only way possible to go to sleep is to hit harder, and so I do. Slowly I lose consciousness, my eyes get heavy and I have no energy to hit my head anymore, I crash to the ground. Rolled up in a ball I seem to lose my mind.