Understanding Cannot Be Given
Sometimes the words aren’t the message.
🌄 Field Journal
Wednesday, July 29
Understanding Cannot Be Given
What did I notice today about being human?
There is a difference between hearing words and recognizing what they are trying to reveal.
Today I was reminded that understanding cannot simply be handed to another person. It has to be recognized.
Neil Strauss once wrote, “Unspoken expectations are premeditated resentments.” I think there is another layer beneath that thought. Unspoken expectations are often unspoken needs.
A comment about dirty dishes is rarely just about dishes. It may be about feeling alone in carrying the weight of a household. A complaint about someone working late may not be about the hours at all. It may be about wanting to feel chosen over the job. Even a compliment can carry something beneath the surface. Sometimes people encourage others because they themselves are quietly starving for encouragement.
We hear the words.
We often miss the meaning.
Human beings communicate through more than language. We communicate through tone, timing, hesitation, body language, silence, and patterns. The words are often only the visible tip of something much deeper.
That doesn’t mean we should become mind readers or assume hidden meanings behind everything someone says. It means we should become curious enough to ask what the words might be pointing toward.
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Understanding begins when we stop asking, “What did they say?” and start asking, “What are they trying to tell me?”
Maybe that is why wisdom is so difficult to teach. Information can be spoken. Instructions can be given. Advice can be offered.
Recognition, however, belongs to the person who is ready to see.
Understanding cannot be transferred from one mind to another.
It can only be discovered.
Reflection
- Today, did I listen only to someone’s words, or did I try to understand what they were experiencing?
- Where in my own life have I expected someone to recognize a need that I never clearly expressed?
Attention Ledger
(+) Paused to consider the feeling beneath someone’s words instead of reacting to the words themselves.
(+) Chose curiosity before certainty.
(=) Understanding begins when we become interested in what words are pointing toward, not just the words themselves.
Gratitude
Today I am grateful that every conversation carries the possibility of understanding another human being a little more deeply.
Most people aren’t asking to be agreed with.
They’re hoping to be understood.
