Waiter Assistant
“From the sayings of Nachbaur; the Little Chimpanzee in Pants”
Work was now my life’s only fact.
I tried to be neat and exact.
Hot chicks entered and I tried to avoid eye contact.
Yet, I couldn’t but estimate the one fact:
net worth of the people who were elegant.
Off course roughly, not precise and exact.
And there was always food for thought:
forecasts of Wes-Wood war that I especially cared about,
and Goat and Camel Girl’s fate.
My favorite customers were
Rugby players
who could my curiosity well feed
and news of my newly favorite place- rugby field- bring about.
Betters were from any type of Creature.
“You have lost weight, Nachbaur.”
Said Donkey.
“I was the boy of Mother.
She always with best food fed me.
But I bet with betters
that I will lose weight, and I did.
This bet is a win-win for me, not to others.”
Hi there!
Mr. Water Distributor here:
“This Donkey claimed to be an expert in law and would come bet several nights in a row.
He was always freaked out
with unemployment news
and wore very tight navy-blue color blouse.
He left his upper button open
and wore cheap fake rings and a watch that had dark grey stainless steel band.
He claimed to own an office.
When he described it himself,
he claimed the office has seven CCTV cameras in it.
Off course nobody else when did a counting,
would reach that digit.
He was lazy getting the office mopped,
and dust on the floor lingered, no clean up.
He claimed going to London and India, when taking trips to Earth.
It was doubted he even took any trips,
in the first place.
Every fall, he went out of all his senses
and cultivated others’ hearts with seeds of fear about any future expenses.
He claimed he has translated words of Mahatma Gandhi for the Planet UN.
And in my eye, he was always explaining a person or a milieu to an alien.
He considered his mother
- who was constantly betrayed by his father- as his life’s angle.
And preferred not to talk much about his disappeared father.
The mother considered herself a female saint
and the smell of her sweat- which she considered scent-
lingered in any elevator,
more than her.
Upon seeing two siblings, any sorts of Creature,
who with each other
were affectionate and sincere,
he was reminded that he himself also has a younger sister;
who happened to live in the same ally, not any further.
In fact, well… she was a neighbor.
Get Haniyeh Yaseri’s stories in your inbox
Join Medium for free to get updates from this writer.
So, he would call her
and ask to do him a favor:
going here and there
and do some tasks for her brother.
He always wore socks which were worn-out and white.
And all his body hair grew in the same direction and exactly same height.
There is another Creature-person
That I should also mention.
This is because the one time that Doctor Schneider decided to pay Nachbaur a visit,
this Goose ruined everything, no limit!
Even before Doctor could enter.
It was obvious that he is addicted.
In every conversation, he named everything item by item.
He always thought in a network frame
but at the right time,
was unable to share anything with anyone.
It had been days since Nachbaur had taken off his head wound dressing
and after working
in that restaurant for a while, his mind was now full of expressions and secrets of betting.
And he lounged to have with Doctor a meeting.
Doctor called him a couple of hours before coming
to make sure that on that day he was working.
And he knew roughly when she should be arriving.
And when she arrived and this Goose
heard her car coming,
he went out hesitantly and looked at Doctor through his black framed glasses and came back in.
After some minutes they found out that Doctor had left without entering.
When Nachbaur called her,
she said her daughter went sick due to the long journey they had been taking to the restaurant,
but Nachbaur knew well
that her daughter was not in the Planet at all.
And this was how all the marmalade Nachbaur had prepared for her
with the help of the police of Creatures, the Leopard,
never got tasted by Dr. Schneider.
The police of Creatures had a mummy’s character,
and was the only man that I could ever imagine to become a baby-sitter
or a kindergarten teacher.
He was a friend of the Book Publisher,
who was likeable, amusing and not of much influence.
The only reason I could ever guess for the friendship of publisher and police was that this police wanted to write a biography in his old age.
Off course he never had told anyone about this,
But I guessed it and I could read it in his every single mood and move of his.
Whenever he talked to anyone, he seemed to be completing a bigger image.
Making a network of all Creatures’ happenings and history of this Planet,
while offering people tee, candy and nuts.
Yes, …. as I said he was kind and motherly and after every holiday he made sure everyone has had a good vacation and enjoyable leisure as astronauts.
I always dreamed that in his old years biography he would write about publisher:
“Publisher was more of a clown than a publisher,
But not an amazing one,
He was more of an interrogator.
Yet, a different one:
Normally interrogators ask questions to conceal something,
yet he with his publication career does more of an act of revelation.”
And so on.
He also had a funny belief:
“Coca Cola is what we must make sure babies and newborns do drink
enough of to get big and grow up.””
End of Mr. Water Distributor’ speech
in this section.
