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The Art of Building Trust
Miami is a popular place for corporate offsite meetings. Although our company has an office in Miami, we usually meet in a high-end hotel conference room — real offsite is not supposed to happen in the office. This week, we are having the first offsite with our new boss, the Senior Vice President, who joined the company just a little over two weeks ago.
The hotel conference room is buzzed with the familiar pre-meeting energy — rearranging leather chairs, picking at the catered hot breakfast, and, of course, testosterone-infused bantering. As usual, I am the only female business leader in the room, apart from the ladies from our partner organizations — communication, finance, operations, and HR. This time, in addition to our HR partner, there is also an outside consultant who is contracted to help facilitate the session. This adds a taste of “mission important” to the air in the room.
Before the Miami trip, every leader in the room already had 1–1 sessions with the new boss, and watched him addressing the entire organization on his first official day with the company. We have all had the same conclusion — this is a veteran of the tech world, a confident leader, and a man of few words. I had two 1–1 sessions with him, and both were mostly a one-way — from me to the new boss — load down on what my team had been tasked to execute by his predecessor. I am still bummed that I couldn’t get any indication from behind his stoic facade whether he could appreciate the complexity of my team’s charter and the accompanying challenges. I only remember hearing two words from him, repeatedly, “Got it!” which I took as a cue to move on to the next topic.
I arrived at this offsite, determined to get better clarity in the two days ahead.
“Okay, everyone, let’s get the session started!” the Consultant lady opened the meeting after a short welcome message from the Boss. “We will go around the table, and each of us will say something about ourselves that no one in this room already knows!”
A wave of chuckling ripples through the room. Except for the Boss and the Consultant lady, everyone in the room has worked together for a while, and most know each other before coming onto this team. After more than 20 years of working in the same company, and many similar team-bounding exercises, I am not quite sure what’s left about me that would be new to anyone but the Boss.
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The sharing starts from the other end of the table. I am only half paying attention to the stories of past work events and sports hobbies, taking mental notes that I need to look for something more meaningful and memorable to share.
It is my turn now. I am still not sure what I want to share. And the feeling that has been bothering me since my monologue 1–1 meetings returns.
“I think most of you know that I used to play the piano, but I don’t think I have shared my experience as a pianist on stage with a live audience.” I didn’t know exactly where I was going with this when I began, but sensing the interest in the room, I suddenly know what I want to say. “Feedback. For me to give my best performance, aside from good preparation and hard work before the concert, on that stage, I rely on the audience’s feedback to feed me the energy I need to give my best performance. It’s nerve-wracking, but it’s also the excitement and connection only a live performance can deliver.”
The curiosity in the room is rising; even the Boss is now looking at me attentively. That is enough encouragement for me to go all out.
“After our last 1–1, I was worried,” I am turning the Boss, looking at him in the eye. “I received no feedback and no cue from you on whether I did a good job or not explaining the state of the business. I was quite discouraged, but I am very happy to have this opportunity to share with you how you can help me to deliver my best.”
“Oh boy! I did that? I am so sorry!” he fumbles with his iPad and Apple Pencil. “Thanks for sharing with me. I will definitely make a note of it!”
The mumbling is a bit uncharacteristic of the confident Boss, but his sincerity is unmistakable. And I didn’t expect my vulnerability to draw out his.
“Your first 1–1 didn’t satisfy me, but you did well on your second session!” he jokingly adds, letting out a bona fide chuckle. The room laughs. I feel something I haven’t felt in a while — the connection to a warm and receptive audience.
For the following two years of working together, while we didn’t always see eye-to-eye on every strategy direction and our interactions weren’t always heartwarming, I knew I could always be open and honest with him, and he knew he could always trust me to say what was on my mind. This is not something to be taken for granted in corporate life, and for that, I am thankful.
