If I could have a word with the Eating Disorder
My impossible wish for confrontation
I often imagine what it would be like if the ED had to sit across the table from me. So I could look it in the eye. The way I would respond to anyone hurting my daughter — pull them to one side and let them know that I see exactly what they’re doing.
This is what I would say:
You sound informed.
Measured.
Concerned.
You talk about balance.
You talk about optimisation.
You talk about planning ahead.
You call vigilance responsibility.
You call control awareness.
You disguise yourself as care.
You make the smaller option look compassionate.
You make the lighter choice look mature.
You make adjustment look intelligent.
And you do it so subtly
that it almost passes as recovery.
But recovery does not grow under audit.
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Recovery does not require forecasting the next meal
before finishing this one.
Recovery does not ask for commentary
after every bite.
You are not protecting her.
You are exhausting her.
You keep her hyper-aware.
Hyper-vigilant.
Hyper-responsible for a body that simply needs feeding.
Food does not need optimisation.
Hunger does not need justification.
Eating does not require a performance review.
I see you.
You are fear dressed as logic.
Control dressed as compassion.
Restriction dressed as responsibility.
And you do not get to run this anymore.
She is allowed to eat
without consulting you.
She is allowed to choose
without shrinking first.
She is allowed to finish
without defending herself.
Stand down.
