The difference between knowing and changing
I think we have mistaken self-awareness for self-improvement. Most people can explain why they are the way they are, but a very few people try to sit with it and try to change it.
Let me explain. Self-awareness has obviously made people easier to understand but harder to confront. And no matter what anyone says, the internet has the biggest role in this. MBTI, zodiac signs, attachment styles, enneagrams, etc., these are supposed to explain behaviour, not excuse it. The internet has turned identity into categories; people fit themselves in a category, tick off the boxes that they feel are correct, and then go, “That is so me.” Of course, none of this is inherently bad. Individuals think that knowing why they do something is progress, but how many of you sit with that discomfort for long enough to actually start working on it?
“I am avoidant because of my parents.” Okay. And what are you doing about it?
It’s troubling that flaws are now treated as personalities or quirky traits.
“I’m toxic lol.”
“Just ghosted someone.”
“I’m so emotionally unavailable oml.”
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People label themselves as if their flaws are a quirky brand, not realising how genuinely harmful these patterns can be to their relationships. It isn’t endearing to make idiosyncratic flaws your whole personality.
Humans often dissect themselves endlessly to the point where they understand their feelings, others’ reactions to their feelings, and even their reactions to their own feelings. They analyse, categorise, label, and organise, but I have hardly seen people who sit with discomfort long enough for it to actually create change. Of course, many will argue that they sit with it all night, all day, but the fact we need to understand here is that repeating the same thing, in a loop, is not going to make it any better. Instead of scrutinising our flaws, shouldn’t we try to integrate them? Isn’t that something we should do for the betterment of our personality?
The thing is that everyone genuinely wants labels, because labels create certainty, provide belonging, and make behaviour justifiable, so rather than taking action, we are simply just taking the time to find out what box we can fit ourselves into so that whatever we do to other people just becomes explainable.
I myself remember taking an Enneagram test, getting a result, and thinking, “Wow, I feel seen.” But 12-year-old me did not realise the fact that that test was probably made for millions of people. What I am trying to say here is that we are not really experiencing emotions directly; we’re just converting them into terminology.
Sadness has become “depressive episodes.” Nervousness has become an “attachment issue.” My point is not to say that these feelings aren’t real, but the core question I am trying to get at is:
Are we even feeling things anymore, or instantly turning them into concepts? Aestheticising our emotions just for the sake of “it will sound better when I post it on Instagram” is not right.
A label can explain your behaviour, not live your life for you. Honestly speaking, at some point, self-awareness stops becoming honesty and starts becoming another hiding place.
