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Clothes Designers Hate Me
How is a 4'11" woman shaped like a munchkin supposed to find adult clothes her size?
I can see it now, women at a clothing factory in China making jeans.
One says, “Let’s fix those American bitches and put a bigger size tag on smaller pants.”
There is laughter throughout the factory as size 10 jeans are now marked as Size 12, and so on.
This is the only way I can reason it when trying on new jeans. The Chinese have a conspiracy to do me in.
I wiggle into my size, then try to zip them up. The zipper teeth meet up with my belly fat and immediately get intermeshed. Ouch! Getting the skin out of the zipper is a real trick. Too bad I’m not due for a C-section, this would come in handy. I end up cutting my belly, and then it is a trick to get the fucking pants off before I get blood all over them.
My body doesn’t know if it is coming or going because my ass and belly are about the same size. I shouldn’t even attempt to buy jeans anymore; nothing will fit my shape but maternity jeans. A 77-year-old woman would look pretty ridiculous in them.
Stretch pants are a good solution, but most of the time, I have to wear them up to my chest. I look like a human toadstool. I am only 4'11" and nothing is made…
