MENTAL HEALTH

I Did it Tired

Struggles of my motherhood journey

What you see: A happy Mom out on a hike with her toddler vs what I see: A tired version of myself who didn't sleep the previous three nights, went through fights with my husband why we still had to go on this hike if we were so exhausted and lost her patience when the little man stopped moving after three meters because he saw a rock. But I smiled because I did it anyway. | Image by author's husband

I gave up eventually. It was 7 am, Eric wasn't falling back asleep and I hadn't slept more than an hour without interruptions but it wasn't getting better. Get up, put the little one on the toilet, make a cup of tea and sit down for breakfast. The day had just started, but my battery level showed 2%.

Some said I had an easy pregnancy. I say I worked hard for it. I ate healthy, went on lots of walks, even if I felt like lying down and kept active until hours before giving birth. I went swimming 3 times a week, clocking a kilometer each time, even if, at later stages, I looked like a drowning beetle in the pool. I did push-ups until the belly touched the ground in the starting position.

I have always been a perfectionist. Never settled for anything less than a finished job. My husband calls me an overachiever, and I just smiled and waved him off, but as motherhood progresses, I become more and more aware of how this behavior has broken me down.

Eric was born in September 2024. I rested for two weeks, mostly in bed, as recommended in Germany, not because I felt I needed it. I did. It's been the most I have stayed still. My husband did everything. On day four, I changed my son's first diaper.