What’s your favorite legacy band?
Dear Dale:
I know you’re a big fan of seventies music because you often mention bands like BTO, Kansas and Trooper. What’s your favorite legacy band?
Signed,
Seventies forever
Dear SF:
Sorry to disappoint you but I don’t have one. They’re all good. Besides the bands you mentioned I like Aerosmith, AC/DC, Cheap Trick, Blue Oyster Cult, Grand Funk Railroad, Foreigner, Sweet, ZZ Top, Thin Lizzy and Loverboy. Hell, I even like Tom Petty, although he can be a bit of an egghead sometimes.
Unfortunately, a lot of those guys are no longer with us:
Tom Petty — accidental overdose
Dusty Hill — ZZ Top — bursitis
Scott Smith — Loverboy — swept overboard
Allen Lanier — Blue Oyster Cult — lung disease
Ed Gagliardi — Foreigner — cancer
Ian McDonald — Foreigner — colon cancer
Bon Scott — AC/DC — alcohol poisoning
Malcolm Young — AC/DC — heart and lung disease and dementia
Eric Wrixon — Thin Lizzy — unknown
Gary Moore — Thin Lizzy — heart attack
Phil Lynott — Thin Lizzy — pneumonia and heart failure
Mick Tucker — Sweet — leukemia
Steve Priest — Sweet — respiratory illness
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Brian Connolly — Sweet — kidney and liver failure and heart attack
Tim Bachman — BTO — cancer
Robbie Bachman — BTO — heart attack?
Jim Clench — Loverboy, BTO and April Wine (twice) — lung cancer
Even the solo acts have suffered:
Elton John — blindness
(Probably because of all those ridiculous glasses he wore.)
Bob Dylan — arthritis
(He also has dementia but most people can’t tell because he’s always been incomprehensible.)
Paul Simon — hearing loss
(Got to admit: never been a fan. Too wimpy for me. But my editor, that dweeb Darrell, sure is. Actually made me listen to “Bridge over Troubled Waters” once. The whole song. The most painful five minutes of my life.)
So here’s my suggestion: let’s gather up the remnants of all those great bands and make a super band.
(Like Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young, but without the hippie shit.)
Call them The Geezers. Or The Wrinkled Prunes. Or The Urine Drippers.
(A testament to their incontinence.)
Send them on a world-wide tour so all their fans can see them. Maybe even make it a charity thing. For arthritis, dementia or gas.
And, to accommodate the kids and the diversity crowd, we’ll get Little Wang, the Chinese rapper, to open.
(Is it just me or are all his songs about how small his dick is? Never seen a guy with so few groupies.)
So dig out those old albums and fire up your turntable. Haul your speakers to an open window and blast out “Highway to Hell” for all to hear. You’ll be glad you did. Because, although one of your neighbors is sure to call the cops and it may even end in a shootout, you’ll have the satisfaction of going out in style — unlike so many of the poor souls listed above. Hope this helps.
Sincerely,
Dale
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