Growing up as the last-born child, my perception towards the world was easy, do whatever you want, no rules, and every direction was a way forward. Kind of felt good but not ideal because I wasn’t aware of the realities of life.

Like a dream, I wake up and begin to face the realities and responsibilities of life. Thanks to social media, you actually wonder do some people have a secret easier path to life, everything for them seems perfect and smooth like the ‘’I woke up like this’’ kind of path.

But despite the persona, people seem to display, our path each day is an experience. My path was one I thought I would change, but thinking back on every step, every moment, every bad decision, and every good decision is the reason why I can write and express myself today.

Of course, some paths were messy, rocky and I probably should have taken another turn, but today I realize these paths define my uniqueness. No one else can share the story of my paths like I will. The lights, the action, the drama, the dark nights, and the bright nights, oh what a path. Now I am gradually appreciating and proud to share every path I journeyed with you cause I am only human.

With each path, we leave a trail and some trails we hide and do not want anyone to trace. I will be honest, some paths felt like pain, some I could endure, some I wondered why it had to happen and some I had to find a way out. But in it all, I learned that as much as I wanted the pain to fade away, I gained strength, I gained experience, and I gained knowledge.

Each day and each footstep is a path and a trail to leave and live without regrets. I choose not to walk this path alone but with the ONE who made me, HE leads and I follow so that I can be a trail that will impact generations.

Paths and Trails was originally published in 7DaysWritingQuest on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

“If someone would have told me two years ago…”

It is evidence that we make plans to stray from them. These words solidify the fact that nothing can truly be set in stone.

At every moment in our lives we have a picture of who we’re supposed to be; pre-planned, staged, shot and very rarely accurate. We spend time backing these paintings up with actions that we ultimately do not believe in, trying to colour inside the lines of a narrow, rigid canvas.

If I have learned anything from my experience as a person, it is that we are not fine-tipped brushes or 0.5mm pencil tips that can be used to paint perfectly inside the lines. We are liquid paint, we run and fade. We are the thick end of a wax crayon. We bleed outside of the lines, we melt under heat. We are pigmented pastel, staining whatever it is we touch.

If all art is, is planning out colours and layouts and pictures, there would be no beauty to appreciate. If there was no chaos to tame with our human experience — no pain to overcome, no bad moments to mark our time — life would be grey and one-tracked and unremarkable.

We may draw straight lines and perfect curves to create the picture in our heads, we may even very rarely find those fine-tipped brushes to paint the tiny perfect moments. But if we never draw crooked lines or colour outside of them; if we never spill some paint or stain our canvas, we will never savour the story of finding beauty in something imperfect.

And what is life? If not a meandering cluster of imperfect lines and strokes and splats and splashes of a painting we only truly finish when we die?

Painting was originally published in 7DaysWritingQuest on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Paths is to Life; Trails is to Legacy
To live is behind what to leave behind
One knows what one knows for what one’s known for
For all one knows, one knows, one knows for all

Paths is to time, as Trails is to Hist’ry
Marks, in the eyes of the wise, are a sign
Cuts are beau scars on those stars we adore
Craters remind us that ast’roids can fall

Paths is to Vision; Trails is to Insight
To see is design, to realize, divine
Bold fool’s gold sold to whom would ore ignore
The swiftest sail foregoes the waterfall

Paths is to Sight, as Trails is to Hindsight
Incline, Decline, Recline, the tides define
The days before be for the days before
Stray days reform informed when we recall

– Shalom

Formations in Retrospect [Revision: 23rd of Dec, 2021]

Written as the seventh and final entry for #7dayswritingquest, to the title prompt, “Paths and Trails”. [01/07/2021]

TCEPSORTER NI SNOITAMROF was originally published in 7DaysWritingQuest on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

I used to be a meticulous planner, I knew precisely what I wanted, or at least so I thought. I had a 1-year plan, a 10-year plan, and even a retirement plan. I said to my self “At so so age, and at so so time, so and so must have happened”. It was a perfect plan and that was the problem, I gave no room for chance. I failed to consider external factors, I failed to see that things weren’t always in my hands. I was ignorant to the fact that as time went by, the person I become might be at odds with who I was. That my priorities could change, my view on life, and who I am.

Life pried my eyes to the reality of things. It took my book of plans, it laughed out loud as it soaked it in gasoline. I looked on powerless, crippled by shock, I watched as it set my plans aflame. It snapped its fingers and my fairytale world crashed before my very eyes, I was left in the rubble of failed expectations. Frustrated and upset, sad and confused, petrified, overwhelmed, and perhaps a little bit cynical. I sunk deep into myself, disengaged from the world around me, my effort seemed like futility, a chasing after the wind. I felt defeated.

I know better now, I’m in a good place. I’ve learned to recalibrate my expectations. I now know the value of change, I embrace it, I cradle it in my bosom, I eagerly pursue it and I take notes from it. The fear of failure has lost its grip on me, I stare it in the face, unwavering, willing to engage, thrilled even. Don’t get me wrong, I still plan, but with more perspective now, with the flexibility to accommodate divergence that could come. I am on the journey to who I am, only now I am armed, with the knowledge of precisely what it is I want, happiness for me and my clan.

Journey To Self was originally published in 7DaysWritingQuest on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

In the Beginning,
“Take this path and not that!
He’s a Psychopath!”
‘They’ pointed out His Trails.
This was the big question asked…
How do you intend to feed your family from that?

Hmmm..dumbfounded.
That’s was the path ‘they’ followed
You dare not express your opinion
As long as ‘they’ were talking.
Responding is like witchcraft with a tail
And Whipping endures for the night,
Served with hunger to cast it out.
What sort of trail…

Without civilisation,
Would that trail continue?
Would freedom of speech just be paperwork?
I don’t think so, and here’s why.
Some new age parenting still do that
But what bothers me, “will I take that path?”

I’m in the middle,
Adulthood. I’m fixing the riddle
Hang in there, (words in my head).
Choose to be different.
After all, ‘they’ said..
There many ways to the market.
So I’ve decided to take another route
When I’ll be called a parent.

I’ll pay attention to their dreams,
I’ll let them explore, and definitely support.
Their questioning, is for clarity.
I know this because I’ve been there.
If ‘they’ took that path and it failed
I’ll take this path, and leave a trail.

In the End? This is the uttermost.
What paths and trails did you leave?
Some paths are seen but not followed.
Some Trails fades with sands of time.
Good news is, if it’s worth it
It won’t be forced.
History will remember either ways,
Good or bad.

Paths and Trails was originally published in 7DaysWritingQuest on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Introduction

I received a lot of unsolicited career advice growing up. People, often professionals including teachers, who thought they had seen exact qualities in me that clearly indicated what would be my most fulfilling path. They said these things out of genuine interest and from a truckload of experience. They seemed rather certain, at least showing as much conviction as one could about an essentially uncertain event. One of these was actually a prophet. If one lined those suggestions side-by-side, they could not possibly be reconciled. But most importantly, as I furthered down my actual path, it became clear how insufficient they were. Though these experiences seem very personal, they are a reflection of a systematic condition that influences a society’s capacity for continuous advancement.

A Notion of Parenting

It is a general experience that life makes more sense to people as they grow older. This blog post that remarks on the issue of kids asking lots of questions begins with: “Some studies show 4-year-olds ask as many as 200 to 300 questions a day. Warren Berger, author of A More Beautiful Question, says kids ask an average of 40,000 questions between the ages of 2 and 5.” Kids are not just curious, they are ignorant. Parents, on the other hand, are often impelled to teach new things to their children. But one would be mistaken to think that all those efforts go into teaching them the things they really need to know. Parenting is hard, and it is a particularly difficult task to mostly introduce one’s offspring to the right things even if one really wanted to. But we can productively compare perspectives to parenting based on their effects on the overall development of the child. Parenting should be considered, henceforth in this writing, as the sum of the instructions and constructions that the child is exposed to, from their environment.

The Child’s Helplessness

Children are hopelessly helpless. Thinking about it, it bothers me so much how one can sleep at night knowing that their child is growing up, today, ignorant of things they need to be a capable adult or a more productive child. But there is an obvious problem with being obsessed with this thought: apart from the fact that people are busy with their own challenges (some of which followed on from their childhood) one risks coming off as trying to impose their will on the impressionable minds. Young people have their own idea of what they need to know (and they generally find intrusion repulsive). Meanwhile, given that their understanding of things is necessarily incomplete, it is tempting to write them off as mere juvenile tendencies, as is prevalent in some cultures. But honest parents would admit their limited knowledge of what is right, in the grand program of parenting. It, thus, seems like the child’s plight is the daily experience of an insoluble dilemma. However, there is an intentional, yet unassuming perspective that willing parents can adopt.

Maximum Options Perspective

The child’s developmental dilemma can be imagined as a two-sided coin.

Contrary to the delusional sense of wisdom induced by personal experience, no more useful knowledge of a person and their capabilities can come from anywhere else than those that can be extracted from the individual’s own personality. (side a:) Unfortunately, children are not well-positioned to usefully access their ‘personal information.’ One of the primary goals of parenting should be to aid the process of this type of self-learning. It should be noted, though, that the younger the subject is, the less helpful it is to employ a static mentality to their identity. Thus, it is instrumental to assume the perspective that one’s job is to help generate the optimal number of useful options, and then secondarily, help provide the means to access them.

The options-generator perspective in parenting is a single switch that powers the whole building.

One cannot have a functional picture of their place in the world if they have a limited understanding of what kinds of spots are available. (side b:) Children typically do not have a solid understanding of how the world works, and commonly, they have limited knowledge of the actual roles adults play in society. A parent as an options generator should consciously help children understand the decision tree ahead of them. In Nigeria, there isn’t enough focus on career education in schools. Many students go through secondary school without having a one-on-one discussion with a professional about their career options. Career days should not be sparsely designated big days played out through large-hall forums that are only not boring to the current speaker. There should be career classes as a part of the weekly timetable.

Important knowledge

The options generator perspective also points us to what we might consider as the most important objectives of education. Children would be more capable choosers if they are literate, able to study by themselves, manage complex decision demands, make use of resources in unfamiliar circumstances, and collaborate with others. These should be the goals of primary education, taking priority over subject-specific learning. Also, skills should not be taught based on their relevance today, but according to their place in some vision of the future.

Commonsense Advice

The problem with the kind of career advice I was exposed to as a Nigerian child is that, though well-intentioned, they relied too much on commonsense. Some of their key deficiencies are discussed below:

• They were largely based on old knowledge that was outdated, in some way or another. Parents should keep in mind that even the best revelations from years ago may not be very useful today without proper recontextualization.
• Even for a fairly knowledgeable person, the things we know from everyday experience cannot replace well-researched data. It is helpful to think of oneself as a way to get answers rather than the one to provide them.
• Merely observing a child is not a final report of their abilities. It’s simply an invitation to find out what they actually are. There are always useful bits to learn from a thoroughly derived psychological profile.

Of a truth, I sometimes got the impression that mine was a particularly elusive case. Perhaps the most qualified of my advisors did not give me any specific advice at all. He simply asked me, much to my disappointment and amazement and weird excitement, to follow my inclinations, at a time when things couldn’t be more uncertain. But even such a situation would benefit greatly from options-generation.

Social Parenting

Although we addressed the child’s predicament and the parents’ responsibilities as individual challenges, they really manifest as social problems. Thus, the helplessness of a child points to the helplessness of a younger generation. And when I said:

“It bothers me so much how one can sleep at night knowing that their child is growing up, today, ignorant of things they need to be a capable adult or a more productive child,”

I really meant:

“It bothers me so much how we can sleep at night knowing that the ones upon whose shoulders lie the responsibility of carrying the future are growing up, today, ignorant of things they need to be capable adults or more productive children.”

Thus, not the ‘parenting’ perspectives discussed should be seen to be of a social flavor, involving the contribution of every responsible citizen. It is impossible to parent effectively, in this way, without having some common idea of what we must become as a people.

Conclusion

One of the clear ways by which we can be assured of the progress of our society is to ensure the education of our children. Yet, a developing nation such as Nigeria does not seem to take this seriously enough. Many of the socioeconomic challenges faced by adult populations are direct consequences of their childhood circumstances. And some of the failures of society can be seen as every generation’s failed attempt at escaping its predicament. Perhaps, instead of perpetuating this fate of unfulfillment, we should realize that no generation can help itself. Thus, only if we dedicate a significant portion of our resources to helping those to whom tomorrow belong, we will never evade the tragic cycle of generational helplessness.

Escaping Generational Helplessness was originally published in 7DaysWritingQuest on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

We all have a path to follow in life but some of us trail behind others. We follow what we think is popular and what seems to work for everyone else. Strange really especially when you realise that we all have our own custom-made map drawn out by God on the paths we should take. This does not take away our personal agency as ultimately every step we take is a choice; we choose to walk down whatever path we want. Unless you’re a toddler, who is just excited at the prospect of walking, and they just go anywhere.

We don’t control where we start in life as that is due to genetics, the family we were born and location. In that sense, the beginning of our path has been predestined but the outcome is entirely up to us. Scarily beautiful right?

Some generations have left a terrible trail that we follow by default. And so it continues until someone decides

“Enough is enough”

and they forge their own path in life.

Now I’m not saying all trails are bad just like not all paths are good; it depends on where they lead to. Scary thing is we won’t always know the destination until we arrive and no SATNAV can save us. Only God can.

Sometimes on the journey of life we have to go back in order to go forward. We have to delve and understand why our path in life begun like that; family behaviours and lifestyle choices. And then we choose to go forward.

We often say ‘they followed their mother’s/father’s footsteps’.

But was it by choice? Or did they tie up the shoelaces by default and continue on the path laid out for them?

Tie up your shoelaces and walk your own path.

And if you don’t like that, wear sandals instead.

Paths and Trails was originally published in 7DaysWritingQuest on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

For you are not under the law but under grace…

Well, that’s not what this is about. This is about Rules to save you from shouting whenever an error arises. Imagine a football match or a sport without rules…It would be extremely rough and because of the rules people feel safe to participate.

Can you remember past cycles you could have avoided because the Rules were not clearly defined? The arguments that could have been thrown amidst the sea because everyone understood the rules?

This is for you, members of your group and anyone that comes across your life, to make reference to when you’re not around. This is to save you the stress of repeating one issue over and over. This will help you make and take a decision and not sound biased, because there was a rule. You can easily shut anyone out because of the Rules, and resound it, “I gave You the Rules”.

Where there’s no law, there’s no crime.
Where there are no Rules, there’s no Fault, there’s no error.

Lay it down. Lay it beside the vision. Let everyone decide if they can or cannot continue. You can apply this to your life, check for for the Rules. Joining a Group? Having a serious relationship? Creating a new Group? Have your Rules and Ask for theirs.

Save yourself.

Lay Down Rules was originally published in 7DaysWritingQuest on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

I know you’re an overachiever, I know you have all these goals
I know you want more from life, a standard you impose
I know you fear mediocrity, eminence you pursue
I know you feel like time is going, my dear, I feel it too
Each day you make lists and tasks, 24 hours not enough.
When you tire, you tell yourself “no, I must be tough!”
You desire the best of life and hard work is the key
But as you do all this, remember that resting too is productivity.

Resting Is Productivity was originally published in 7DaysWritingQuest on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

I threw a tantrum today.
I screamed and fussed and frowned
I felt defeated today
I paced circles in the ground

I felt defeated today
My breath was short and rough not calm
But you helped soothe me today
You drew little circles on my palm

You helped soothe me today
You were kind and warm and sweet
After I cried loudly today
You rubbed the circles from under my eyes

Circles was originally published in 7DaysWritingQuest on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.