We can talk all day about what got us here. We all know, but I’ll sum it up once again: Trump’s vitriolic, racist and violent rhetoric and all-around vile character has been a dog-whistle to the worst, most under-exposed, fearful people in our society. The vibration of hate coming from Trump’s evil mouth resonates with the hate contained in the hearts of everyone in his base. As with all the low-level energies, the vibration of tone that Trump emits is so low, that it’s inaudible to people who vibrate on the level of acceptance and love. There’s a religious saying that “deep cries unto deep.” In this case, ugly cries to ugly. Hateful cries to hateful. He’s reawakened that element of America that has always been evil beyond the pale, and antagonistic at best. Between 2016 and 2017, hate crimes were up a shocking 57%. A few days before the Tree of Life shooting, a hate-filled white man attempted to get into a black church to shoot as many black people as he could. The doors were locked, so he settled for two innocent black people at a grocery store instead.

Richard Friedman, a psychologist, published an article in the New York Times titled, the Neuroscience of Hate. In it, he writes, “Susan Fiske, a psychologist at Princeton, and colleagues have shown that distrust of an out-group is linked to anger and impulses toward violence.” With racism, distrust and fear of the often brown “other” being a hallmark of white America, the ground was fertile for an incendiary like Trump to come along and stoke the perpetually-burning bush of hate into a full-blown inferno.

So, in short, these people who respond to Trump are a lost cause. The level of hate they now engage is the period at the end of the sentence…the sentence being their lifelong exposure that normalized bigotry, racism and prejudice.

I’ve been working on this drawing since July. I had some family things going on, so had to put it on hold for a while. When the idea came to me, it’s like it had me in a chokehold, until I would make visual the sentiment that was coming to me.

The people propping this dangerous guy up, to the highest position in the land, don’t know what they’re doing. They’re either the worst judges of character, or his character dog whistles to theirs, and it’s just pure symbiosis and alignment for him and his cult followers. I think it’s the latter.

Folks are propping him for their own ends….he’ll do the bidding of christian right-wingers, he’ll be good for the economy and the stock market, he’ll loosen regulations on…everything. His supporters think they’ll get something from him, so they wink at such an evil man. They could never realize that playing these games, with such a morally debased human, will have devastating and global repercussions.

If he get’s back in, it will also be the fault of our broken electoral politics…namely….the electoral college. The EC was supposedly created to prevent despots like Trump from the presidency, but yet, somehow, here we are. The fact that we, the people, have not done the work to demand that the EC be abolished, speaks to our own cult-like worship of everything the founding fathers put in place. As if it’s all gilded in gold and only to be reverenced but never touched.

Today has marked three weeks since I stopped watching all news. It was keeping me in a constantly anxious state, and living in existential dread, as we approach election day. That day is just a little less than a month away, but my media fast is keeping the angst at bay (hey that rhymes).

I read Mickey Singer’s book, the Untethered Soul, several years ago.

Actually, what I should say is that I thought I read the Untethered Soul.

In the last two years, I’ve moved cross-country twice, got rid of most of my possessions and have been living in general transition and upheaval. Still, somehow, the Untethered Soul is one of a handful of books that I’ve been traipsing up and down the East Coast with.

A few weeks back, I began listening to some of Mickey Singer’s teachings on Youtube, and my life has not been the same since. I’ll get into that later.

So naturally, after listening to his dharma talks, I figured I would pick up his book again. It’s been a faithful, but unread traveling companion.

As I began to read it, I kept waiting for the part where he tells his unbelievable story of surrender, starting as a young man in his twenties, and all throughout his life. I slowly realized that that story would not be told, because I was reading the wrong book.

It’s a bit comical, but I’m still having a hard time with this! I could have sworn I read the Untethered Soul! I have recommended it to others, and gave my copy to my neighbor (He gave it back to me and I’m glad that he did). Even my eldest child knows that Michael Singer wrote the Untethered Soul, due to hearing me talk about it.

So clearly, the book I read was the Surrender Experiment, because nothing in the Untethered Soul is even vaguely familiar, and that is exactly why it’s so life-changing.

Truly, this book mixup is beyond a mystery….it’s mystical…because it feels like this book has shown up in my life exactly when I need it. The teachings resonate deep down, but yet they are new and satisfying, like fresh water from a mountain spring.

In all of Mickey’s teachings, he admonishes the reader/listener to devote one’s life to this surrender, to the act of letting go and allowing emotions to have their space.

Say less, Mickey. I can already feel the blockages rearranging within. I can sense that my life energy has a bit more room within myself to play.

This is my work. For the rest of my life. And Mickey is my guru.

I recently reread Eckhart Tolle’s A New Earth, and I’m working my way through the Power of Now again. I don’t know if there are any rules to posting excerpts of books on Medium, but I post these with the purest of intentions…to remind myself, and you the reader, of these incredible truths, from this important teacher of our time. Enjoy.

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“Being present is always infinitely more powerful than anything one could say or do.”

“The most important, the primordial relationship in your life is your relationship with the Now, or rather with whatever form the Now takes, that is to say, what is or what happens.”

“There is only one perpetrator of evil on the planet: human unconsciousness.”

“The ego could be defined simply in this way: a dysfunctional relationship with the present moment.”

“The present moment is inseparable from life, so you are really deciding what kind of relationship you want to have with life.”

“Ask yourself….what is my relationship to the present moment?”

“What is my relationship with life?”

“Whenever a habitual ‘no’ to life turns into a ‘yes,’ whenever you allow this moment to be as it is, you dissolve time as well as ego. For the ego to survive, it must make time -past and future- more important than the present moment. The ego cannot tolerate becoming friendly with the present-moment, except briefly, just after it got what it wanted.”

“Non-resistance is the key to the greatest power in the Universe. Through it, consciousness (Spirit) is freed from its imprisonment in form.”

“When you are detached, you gain a higher vantage point from which to view the events in your life, instead of being trapped inside them.”

“When you are no longer totally identified with forms, consciousness -who you are- becomes freed from its imprisonment in form. This freedom is the arising of inner space. It comes as a stillness, a subtle peace deep within you, even in the face of something seemingly bad. Suddenly, these is space around the event. There is also space around the emotional highs and lows, even around pain.”

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May these truths be made manifest in your life, dear reader, and in mine. I must admit a bit of frustration, that I can’t seem to access the present moment, as much as I need and want to (yet). I’m still enamored with and distracted by form. I aspire to see what is not visible to the eye, but which can only be felt and intuited. I desire to no longer be totally identified with form, but much more identified with my true Self -my pure consciousness, and the true Self of others. So be it. So it is.

January 20, 2024.

There was something about the liminal space of the holidays that allowed me to really lean into the lessons.

Now that I’m preparing for a new semester, my practice of the lessons feel a bit far, like they’re on the periphery of my attention. I have to be making a renewed and doubled effort to get through the lessons lately.

I’m starting to understand that a main purpose of ACIM is to truly see. To move beyond unconsciousness. There is a lot of unconsciousness to be undone in me. I might even say that I’m good at being unconscious.

The last thing I want to do is do the lessons in an unconscious way. To do it so that I said I did it, but not give my best effort to it.

So with that, I’m doing this lesson again tomorrow. I had to rush off this morning, so I wasn’t able to do the lesson first thing, and furthermore, the method that this lesson employs seems to mark a turning point and requires a new kind of effort.

The instructions encouraged me to go within, and to go past distracting thoughts, with the intention of seeking out the light of God within me. It was only on my third attempt this evening did I feel as if I made some gains with the practice.

I really appreciate that the workbook lessons utilize a variety of practice methods.

This one was very different from the previous forty, and to be honest, it caught me off guard a little.

Many of the previous lessons required four or five long practice periods throughout the day, and many shorter ones, for a given lesson. Because of this format, I’ve come to really rely on the lessons as a spiritual structure for my day. With some of the lessons in particular, repeating the words throughout the day, and getting away somewhere quiet, to practice the longer lessons, has actually been very comforting. A way for me to get some distance from myself and my thoughts.

So the lesson today threw me for a loop. There was only one practice period, and it was at the beginning of the day. Furthermore, the lesson text instructed me to practice this lesson like a meditation.

I’ve been off of my regular meditation practice lately, so I was rusty with the whole sitting quiet thing.

Furthermore, the instructions were to “get a sense of turning inward.” “Enter deeply into your own mind.”

I found this very difficult. The instructions said to sit for three-five minutes, but I sat much much longer, trying to ‘feel’ for the moment that I went inward.

The shorter practice period instructions were to close the eyes at points throughout the day, and repeat the lesson, God is with me wherever I go, very slowly. To think of what the words mean. I particularly love the following instructions..

Concentrate on the holiness that they imply about you; on the unfailing companionship that is yours; on the complete protection that surrounds you.

This thought does not come naturally, and the lesson text says as much. The first sentence of the fifth paragraph says,

We understand that you do not believe all this.

I want to believe it. That’s why I’m doing this course. I want to be reconnected with the unfailing companionship and complete protection that surrounds me. I want to be easily aware of God with me everywhere I go. So tomorrow, I’m going to repeat this lesson.

January 13, 2024

I just came back from being with family and I am EXHAUSTED.

I knew it would be like this. There weren’t many quiet moments, and as the youngest person in the mix, surrounded by my beloved elders, I offered my relative strength and vitality to get some necessary home maintenance things done. I feel good that I was of service in this way.

My first day there was day 3 of my practicing lesson 37, but on the second, third and last day, all I could do was the smaller mental practice periods, not the handful of longer 3–5 minutes.

The school kid in me feels like I didn’t ‘finish’ my homework.

There is a voice that is telling me to start over with the workbook, from lesson 1. I’m pretty sure that’s the ego, trying to get me started with the perfectionist thing. I’ve already decided that I’m not taking the bait. I’m continuing on.

If I lost complete momentum with the lessons for, say, a week or two, I think I would want to start over.

But I still have great momentum and volition with this work.

This work is everything to me right now.

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The lesson today encouraged the following form, after searching the mind for difficult situation for oneself or another.

In the situation involving _________ in which I see myself, there is nothing that my holiness cannot do.

This is a challenging lesson for me.

I know that a main purpose of the entire course is that I remember exactly who I am, as a conduit of God, but this lesson is forcing me to take the words of Christ seriously, when he said:

And greater works than these will you do.

I have all but completely bought into the illusion of my roles, in my attempt to figure out who I am and the purpose I serve.

I am a mother. A teacher. A sister. An artist.

But this lesson is another shocking realization of the most ultimate truth of my being.

I am holy.

And then beyond that unfamiliar truth comes the power behind my holiness. That part is very challenging.

The second paragraph of the lesson says:

Through your holiness the power of God is made manifest.

Through your holiness the power of God is made available.

In the midst of feeling challenged, these two statements do resonate as deeply true and easy to grasp.

How else is God’s power manifested into the world? How else is that power made available?

Growing up in church, there was always an expectation of some wondrous act of God in the world, that one would just behold in awe. All the while, turns out WE are the channels of God’s power in the world.

Who knew?

There was a shooting threat called in to my son’s high school today. The caller said the entire lunch room was going to get shot up.

My son described his experience to me, from the principal calmly stating over the pa system that the school is in lockdown, to his English teacher tearfully stacking desks in front of the door, to his classmates huddled in a corner, with some of them texting goodbyes to their parents.

My 15 year-old son said he wasn’t worried at first, but became terrified when he saw a bunch of police officers run by his classroom door window, armed with semi-automatic weapons.

Strangely enough, just the day before he told me, “Mom, if my school ever gets shot up, don’t worry about me. I have a strategy.”

That comment broke my heart for him and all kids suffering through the trauma of lockdown drills and the very real, everyday threat of a potential school shooting. And the next day, this. He told me a kid was in the bathroom when the armed police burst in and pointed their guns at him. I really hope that kid is going to be alright.

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When I heard this happened at his school, I felt despair, anger, sadness and regret.

Regret and anger that his dad decided to move the family to a different state. Anger that we don’t have sensible gun laws in America.

Despair and sadness at the condition of American schools, the kids and adults who have died in school shootings, and the millions of traumatized kids, for whom active shooter drills are the norm

I found myself wanting to DO something. To rescue him and my other kids. To change the situation immediately.

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I’m deep in A Course in Miracles right now, so it’s natural that I began to interface with the situation, and my emotions, through what I am presently learning in the Course.

My takeaway is that, as a mother, my feelings are more than valid. I am entitled to my wide range of emotions right now. Where the course comes in is that I’m learning to share those thoughts and emotions with the Holy Spirit, for peace and for guidance.

Let’s say I decide to pull my kids out of school, and begin homeschooling them. I would have every right to do that. What I’m learning from the course though, is that I wouldn’t take that step without inviting the Holy Spirit and the inner Christ into my process, from the very beginning. In that way, I acknowledge that Divine Guidance exists, and I am opening myself up to that guidance. Conversely, by not inviting the Holy Spirit into my process, I am relying totally on myself, fueled by my fear, my anger, sadness and despair, to make the best choice for my kids. That doesn’t sound like the best place from which to make a decision, but yet, this is my instinct.

Instead, I need to work my spiritual program around this problem. Right now, I feel the urge to pause. To pray. To turn the entire thing over to the Holy Spirit.

Recently, I listened to ACIM group lesson on prayer, and I took a bunch of notes. The following note is an indication of the next step in my spiritual process, regarding this and every problem.

Prayer is an offering. A giving up of myself. That nothingness becomes the altar of God.

So what does that look like: First, I choose to focus my consciousness, in this moment, to prayer. Making that choice, when I could be doing a thousand other things, is a powerful act. That is part of the offering. Of giving myself up. Then, I’m going to get quiet and curious about what it feels like to turn it all over….my emotions and especially my fear for my kids’ safety….and invite the Holy Spirit in….for peace and for guidance.

January 8, 2024

“Your holiness is the salvation of the world. It lets you teach the world that it is one with you, not by preaching to it, not by telling it anything, but merely by your quiet recognition that in your holiness are all things blessed along with you.”

This resonates so deeply with me.

Jesus said, “you are the light of the world.” And the preceding paragraph, from the explanation of lesson 37, feels completely parallel to Jesus’ statement.

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I feel this negative thing come up, when I declare my holiness as I practice the lesson, and it’s definitely a form of the ego, a sort of shadow ego, that tells me that I am not holy. That A Course in Miracles won’t work for me. The ego always wants me to feel terminally unique, either for good or for bad.

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I’ll be visiting family for the next three days, and it’s going to be intense. I already know. Instead of moving ahead in the workbook, I’m just going to stay on this lesson while I’m away. Actually, before I settle on that strategy, this would be a great time for me to pause and invite the Holy Spirit into my process, to see if she would like me to proceed in a certain way. Even as I type this, I can feel the discomfort come up. It’s uncomfortable to put my plans aside and offer them up, for Divine guidance. My ego doesn’t like it. It begins to complain and wonder if we’ll even be able to discern any guidance at all. Plus, society has trained me to “be an adult”, make a plan, and then make it happen, and I like this way of being. It’s what I know. I like to come up with my plan and simply follow through with it. Pausing to ask for guidance is one of my weak spiritual muscles. I need to take every opportunity to exercise it.

So I guess I’ll do that here:

Sweet Spirit, it seems like a good idea to stay on this lesson for the next three days, while I’m out of town, but if you have a better way, I’m open and willing to follow it. I have a little trepidation about whether I will hear your guidance. Please replace my doubt with faith.