Maybe you lost a loved one recently. Maybe it was your uncle, your favorite grandma or one of your parents. Maybe this person was a hero for you and made you believe in yourself for the first time. Maybe he or she always had your back and taught you a skill or an attitude. Maybe she was just pure love and kindness. Maybe he was always there for you. Maybe you gave a speech at his funeral about how great he was or how he impacted your life for the better. Maybe you just sit there crying and you listen to the preacher’s speech and your heart is torn, because you miss him so much.

Yes, maybe this person is gone now, but maybe you are lucky and he or she is still alive and here with you. Maybe you call him from time to time and tell him how grateful you are. For everything. Maybe you surprise her from time to time with a beautiful, meaningful gift. Maybe you just sit there and enjoy spending time with him and you just listen and really connect with him. Maybe you help her around the house, because she is old and frail now and she appreciates your help.

There are many, many ways we can express love and appreciation to our loved ones. Our heroes of everyday life. We all have people around us, who we owe so much to and we do everything we can to give back to them big time. We show them our gratitude. We tell them how much we love them. This is good and the way it is supposed to be. We shall never forget that “if we have seen further it is by standing on the shoulders of giants“ or at least that is how Bernard of Chartes once described it. We don’t make it all on our own and have souls by our side, who sacrified so much for us and when they are gone, we plant some beautiful flowers on their graves. And that’s it? Is this all we can do to express our love, our gratitude and respect for them? Isn’t there a next level?

How can we truly honor our hero‘s life? Maybe we could let our hero‘s greatness shine forth in our actions and in our attitude. The one we learned from him. Maybe we could cheer up our family and be there for everyone like she always was. Maybe we can be solid as a rock like he used to be when shit hit the fan.

Wouldn’t it be great if these outstanding qualities of him or her would live on in future generations? But first and foremost in ourselves, in our family and friends. In our children’s children. Wouldn’t that be great? Why not build a legacy of their character, a Taj Mahal of virtue for them?

I think life can become very powerful and meaningful, if we decide to live a life of dedication. This decision grants us the opportunity to transform tragic events such as death and its accompanying emotions like sadness, grief and after a while into something strong, positive and beautiful. We can choose to draw strength from adversity and loss and not let us be consumed by it. We can live life as a celebration of love. A life, which is rich in meaning. We can give back and be happy and make the best out of our lives. We do it for them and because of them. Wouldn’t that be exactly what they always wanted for us? That we are happy and that we dare greatly and live life to the fullest?

Life is a cycle of receiving and giving. So I end this article with a little story to honor of my mentors. He shared it with me and it means a lot to me. Everytime I share this story with someone else, I think of him. It is called the Starfish Story.

„For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them“ Matthew 18:20

The Starfish Story

Once upon a time, there was an old man who used to go to the ocean to do his writing. He had a habit of walking on the beach every morning before he began his work. Early one morning, he was walking along the shore after a big storm had passed and found the vast beach littered with starfish as far as the eye could see, stretching in both directions.

Off in the distance, the old man noticed a small boy approaching. As the boy walked, he paused every so often and as he grew closer, the man could see that he was occasionally bending down to pick up an object and throw it into the sea. The boy came closer still and the man called out, “Good morning! May I ask what it is that you are doing?”

The young boy paused, looked up, and replied “Throwing starfish into the ocean. The tide has washed them up onto the beach and they can’t return to the sea by themselves,” the youth replied. “When the sun gets high, they will die, unless I throw them back into the water.”

The old man replied, “But there must be tens of thousands of starfish on this beach. I’m afraid you won’t really be able to make much of a difference.”

The boy bent down, picked up yet another starfish and threw it as far as he could into the ocean. Then he turned, smiled and said, “It made a difference to that one!”

adapted from The Star Thrower, by Loren Eiseley (1907–1977)

AN EXPERIENCE OF A LIFETIME

Experiencing someone, who is a living embodiment of a commitment is a powerful experience. Simply because it is so rare to see someone in our modern times being wholeheartedly committed to anything at all. If you met someone, who is committed, you can see it in his movements, thoughts and actions…how he communicates, how he behaves around other people and how he lives his life in general. When you are close to this rare man, you can sense his inner power. It reflects in his eyes. He has made a final decision about something. His commitment is “written deeply into the flesh of his soul“ or at least that is how my hero Steve Hardison would describe it. A commited man is not merely being interested in something. There is no “Maybe, shoulda, coulda, woulda, let’s- see-if-this-works-out“ - kind of behaviour or approach to life. This way of thinking does not exist for him. A person with an inner personal commitment is a person, who is ALL IN. Someone, who decided in his heart of hearts at one point in his life to let his existance become a glorious expression and celebration of this very commitment.

Interestingly, it doesn’t matter that much what this man is specifically committed to. It may be a value, a person he loves, a way of life or the highest version of himself. Often it is a wild mix of all these things. A lived commitment is the expression of a spectacular, vibrant vision pulsing within every atom of his body. Actually it is pure, raw energy manifesting itself in the world of form through the power of intention and the committed man simply decided to become a willful vehicle of this energy. Whenever he is in alignment with this energy, it flows unfiltered through him and it energizes him on his quest for personal excellence.

One could also say that this energy is like an internal compass, which helps him navigate the stormy sea of life throughout his years. His life is transformed in a single, decisive moment and life becomes nothing else than an exciting, grand and meaningful adventure to him because of it.

As I have written above, something profound happens, when we met someone, who truly lives a personal, inner commitment. I had this kind of experience. It is hard to put a finger on what it exactly is, but there is just something about witnessing someone going “ALL IN“ in his individual pursuit of greatness that touches the core of our very being. Just think about all the great movers and shakers of the world, who inspired you and expanded your imagination about what is possible in life. They had nothing but a vision in mind and they pursued it relentlessly. They did not only show us it is possible to achieve what once only existed as a wild dream in our minds, but more importantly they are living examples of the fact that we can truly live life on OUR terms. They did it their way and so can we. And I think this is phenomenal.

LIVING A PERSONAL COMMITMENT

This may surprise you or not, but living a personal commitment is one of the most rewarding and at the same time hardest things you can do in your lifetime. A commitment does not end. You don’t quit on it. You deliberately choose it every day. And then the day after that. And then the day after that. And so on. You get the idea. Living a commitment is no lip service for the faint of heart. It is for risk takers, adventurer and men, who dare greatly.

It is an action statement. It is a declaration about who you choose to be right now in this very moment (and the moment after that….you get the idea)

There is a lot more I could say about it. But I’ve got the feeling that there is a big chance I am going to lose you here somewhere between these lines. So I leave this task to the great man, who taught me the power of commitment and therefore changed my life forever. His name is Steve Hardison. Steve is considered by many to be the very best coach in the world. The Ultimate Coach. I truly believe he is exactly this. The best coach in the world. He never gave big talks. You can’t find him on Youtube. But he was the coach of many accomplished coaches like Byron Katie, Michael Neill or Steve Chandler. There is only one video of him that you can find online. It is about the power of commitment and the reason why I have written this piece.

I urge you to take yourself the time to watch it completely. It is 2 hours long.(Yes, you read it correctly.) It changed my life forever and so it can change yours, too.

For more information on the TBOLITNFL story, visit tbolitnfl.com

I dedicate this article to Steve Hardison. Thank you for showing me the power of commitment and thank you for teaching me the importance of recommitting.

What was it like for you the last time you did your dishes?

Wait, wait, wait! Stay with me for a second before you click on the fat X with the vow to never ever revisit my Medium site again.

I know, I know… This question is not sexy. I admit it and I guess you’d propably prefer to ponder about your life’s purpose meanwhile or make up your mind whether you truly want go on that date with this person you met on Tinder and that you are still unsure about. In fact there are a million better things you could do right now than to think about the last time you had to do the housekeeping activity you like the least…because the day has just 24 hours, right? Ain’t nobody got time for that question anyway…

But bear with me. Isn’t it the bitter truth that we spend more time in our everyday lives on mundane activities like bringing our kids to school, cleaning up our homes or paying the freaking taxes than we’d like to admit? Come on… you know what I am talking about. The things that need to get done or otherwise our partner complains about them. (Which we do get done by the way, but we don’t feel very excited about them)

So today my question for you is the following: How do you feel about these tasks?

And in particular: What is your attitude about them? Do you secretly hate doing them? Or do you usually get the job done like an Arnold Schwarzenegger Terminator? If you are like me and like most people I know, you do them, but most often you don’t have a particular awesome time while you are doing them. We as adults tend to see these activities as WORK and act accordingly. But we often forget that we were once little children and children do not know the concept of work till they enter the school system. Before that glorious event all children know is PLAYING GAMES. They play games all day long. Everything to them is one giant GAME. And here is the thing: We have the choice to see tasks as WORK or as a GAME.* Yes, even the mundane tasks... Yes, especially the mundane tasks!

Do you remember the good old times when you were young and you walked your way to school? What did you propably do someday? You played the lava game, where it was forbidden to touch certain areas of the sidewalk with your feet. Or you tracked the time how long it took you to get to school. Or maybe you even played with your siblings “ I spy with my little eye…”, when your mom or dad drove you to school. Back then it was really easy for you to invent new, funny games or you tested something in an exciting experiment. I even remember a PE teacher of mine, who always ran ahead of us and shouted “I am an A. I am an A.” when we were doing cardio in school and you’d better kept up with him, if you wanted a good school grade.

Interestingly this kind of behaviour to see activities as games, as adventures, as experiments or as challenges faded over time, didn’t it? We grew up and we learned how to behave like adults and that the adult life was hard. Serious. Boring.

But the thing is: It does not have to be that way.

I know it is cliché, but don’t we always have a choice how to see activities and choose our attitudes about them? So why don’t we always choose the easiest and most fun way?

And you know what? I am sure you do these kind of things already. Like singing a song while you iron your shirts or challenging your kids to spot more beautiful things on your way to school than you can.There are dishes to do? Alright…I bet you can do them before your two favorite songs are over.

I invite you to see this post just as as simple reminder that you always, always, always have the option - the concious choice - in any moment to choose how you perceive these tasks.

Work or Play? It is your choice how you do these things. Just like you have the power and a 100 % responsability for your attitude and mindset about them. It is within your control to view making your bed perfectly in the morning as a powerful ritual symbolising excellence and as a fresh new start in a new day packed with new opportunities. Or you could see it as an unnecessary, dreading task. It is your choice.

And yes of course we fall and slip and curse and get angry about these kind of things. It is natural. Of course we forget from time to time about the fact that we have this choice. But this is also part of the game and what makes it so exciting. The game is to play more. So it is up to you: Do you want to play more often?

______________________________________________________

• I was introduced to the idea of seeing tasks as either WORK vs PLAY by Steve Chandler in his book “Crazy Good”

This article may help you, if:

• you struggle with achieving your personal goals, but you don’t know why
• you are a person, who is very good at starting projects, but you end up procrastinating and your dream projects do not get finished
• you have the tendency to work on different projects simultaneously and either they do not get finished or it takes you way longer than it should have to finish them

Let’s start with a simple observation. I don’t know about you, but I have the feeling that we tend to have more difficulties when it comes to achieving a desired outcome in our personal lives than in our professional lives. Especially, if these projects require us to step regularly outside of our comfort zones, if they are hard and take a lot of time and dedication.

So I started to ask myself: Why is this so common that we do not tend to follow through with our ambitions in our personal lives? Why seems there to be an invisible blocking wall, a resistance against action? Do we really have to use all of our willpower to achieve what we want or is there a smarter and easier way to follow through with our intentions?

Let us take a brief look at human behaviour 101 in order to answer this question. It won’t take long. Big promise ;) So most of us know that pain and pleasure are the driving principles behind human action. We either do something, because it is fun or because not doing it will have painful consequences.

Back in the days Jack, the Stone Age man, hunted down mammoths with his crew, because his tribe was starving and not because it was fun. Just like we have to work nowadays, if we want to feed our families. This is the motivation to avoid pain, which we are all way too familiar with. When Jack and his crew killed the mammoths, they threw a big party. We like to do that as well in our weekends, don’t we? Why? It is fun and it makes sense to maximize our pleasure once our basic needs are fulfilled. This is the pleasure principle that we are also very familiar with.

Both of the instincts to avoid pain and maximize our pleasure are omnipresent in our lives. But their intensity and weighting seems to shift when it comes to our private and our professional lives. When we work our dominating motivation is usually to avoid pain. We may be motivated to go for the next promotion, but the thoughts about the consequences of not delivering work packages on time at upcoming deadlines are usually more motivating. Nobody wants to be yelled at, get a bad performance review or lose her job. So we put in the work, gain momentum and finish our work packages because our performance is measured and we are being held accountable for our actions by our superior.

Interestingly the dynamic between the motivation to avoid pain and the motivation to maximize our pleasure seems to change once we finish work. We come back home after a stressful 9/5 job with a lack of energy and limited time at our hands. There is housework to do and our family, friends or significant other want a piece of us, too. Ultimately we just want to enjoy our free time, relax and don’t be bothered by anyone. With these circumstances in mind it is not a surprise that there seems to be little motivation to work on a book, loose 30 pounds or (insert goal of your choice). The short term satisfaction opportunity to lose ourselves in television, Netflix or Youtube is often far more tempting. After all there is no one that holds us accountable for fulfilling our dreams, right? Plus sacrificing short term happiness for long term fulfillment doesn’t seem worth it in this situation. So we let ourselves be distracted and we lose subsequently our focus and momentum once we hit our cosy couch. Time goes by and we tell ourselves that we “do not really feel like it”, that “we are not in the mood” for it and after all we just “kinda wanted it”. I think everyone knows this situation. These excuses seem very real in this moment and especially the illusion that we can only “do the work” in our private life once we are in the mood for it.

Our unwillingness to do what is right leads to a high likelihood that a lot of us may end up like Raymond K. Hessel in “Fight Club” with a life we didn’t want. An unfinished life where dreams turned into ashes of regret and bitterness. Say hello to Raymond.

The interesting question is now: Why do I think that a lot of people may end up in a similiar situation like Raymond, but without a gun being pointed at their head? After all we have willpower, focus and the determination to do whatever it takes, right? Well let me answer this question with an alteration of one of the famous quotes of this scene. “On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone’s focus and willpower drops to zero.” We live in a society, where we are bombarded with roughly 3000 advertisements a day. Scientists have also discovered that our attention span has dropped from 12 seconds to 8 seconds in the last years due to our excessive use of smartphones. Even a goldfish beats us humans with a recorded attention span of 9 seconds. Wow, isn’t that crazy? This means our willpower, focus and determination must battle 24/7 against a society, which is designed to let us live a life on autopilot. Fulfilling our dreams is in our day and age an uphill battle so to speak. It is a battle few tend to win and these winners do something fundamentally different than the rest. But what it is?

The answer I came up with is that they design their environment in a way which helps them to maximize their focus and concentration. An environment which is designed to let the individual gain momentum effortlessly. An environment which makes good use of both driving forces of human behaviour - the pain and the pleasure principle - to ensure steady action and accountability. An environment, which is self-sustaining and does not collapse over time. Once such an environment is established, fulfilling your dreams and projects isn’t an uphill battle anymore. Progress isn’t random anymore. Success is then just a matter of time, because your behaviour is designed in a way where you put in the work consistently and way less effort is required than it used to.

I’d like to share with you in my next article my experience in creating such a powerful environment. Let me leave you with a couple of exercises you can try till then.

Exercises:

1. Find an accountability partner and decide upon a goal you want to accomplish. Set yourself a time limit for achieving the goal and find a punishment you have to follow up on, if you do not follow through with your goal.
2. Identify 5 elements in your environment, which tend to work against your success while you are working on your projects.
3. Eliminate one of those elements.
4. Get creative and come up with a strategy about what you are going to do, if step 3 wasn’t successful.