After four years of knowing my male best friend, he finally told me he had feelings for me. Apparently, he’s had feelings for me since we met way back when, but I was the last to notice. Or maybe I saw and didn’t want to take it past the friend zone. Anyways, once we did decide to take the next step and start dating, we were on a romantic high. Go figure, dating my best friend was seamless and damn near perfect.

Well, here’s where things got messy.

The Shaderoom, yes THE SHADEROOOM, posted a picture of my best friend, turned boyfriend under the “Celebrity look-alike,” tag (My boyfriend is Steph Curry’s doppelganger). The comment section was in shambles as they clowned my poor man, calling him everything from Steph Blurry to Steph Tumeric. While some of the comments were hilarious, the Mr. wasn’t pleased with the attention and deactivated his social media account.

Not too long after, I receive a message from his baby mother, hounding me with questions, concerns, and speaking ill on his character.

“Ain’t this bout’ a b*tch.”

I bring this to my partner’s attention, even getting insight from his parents and sister, who are all confused about this “evil” person she is making him out to be. So much for the idea of a drama-free love life. It forced me to come to terms with the fact that I am dating a man with slight baby momma drama. Getting threats on social media from her, messaging from new accounts and stalking my Twitter and Instagram started to be the new normal.

I do my very best to avoid confrontation and to help him deal with his frustrations, but she is relentless. I’m pretty sure she hated me or still does — who knows. All I know is that for some odd reason, I’ understand where she is coming from. Now while I don’t agree with the name-calling, popping up, cursing, cyberstalking and lengthy messages; she is the mother of his child and her feelings are valid. How she expresses them can be daunting and, at times, a bit juvenile, but everyone handles healing and coping differently.

After reading a few self-help books and going to therapy, I was able to empathize with her a bit. This is her first child, and she probably envisioned her life a lot differently. The fact of the matter is my partner is doing everything in his power to co-parent despite the drama. Relationships don’t always work out, but a beautiful child happened as a result, so both parties should at least attempt to be civil.

I’m learning to never take things personally, just as Don Miguel Ruiz affirms in his best-selling book, The Four Agreements.

The agreements are:

1. Be impeccable with your word.
2. Don’t take anything personally.
3. Don’t make assumptions.
4. Always do your best.

“When somebody talks about you, they are talking about a secondary character in their story who represents you; they are talking about an image they create for you. That image has nothing to do with you; it’s just a projection of that person’s story. If you take it personally, if you agree and believe what others say, their story becomes a part of your story. If you don’t take it personally, the opinions of others do not affect you, and this helps you to avoid a lot of suffering and conflict.”- Don Miguel Ruiz

According to John A. Johnson, professor of psychology at Pennsylvania State University, learning not to take things personally provides us with a way of dealing with potentially hurtful treatment from others. Because each person uniquely sees the world, the way that others treat us says as much about them as it does about us. When we don’t take things personally, we instead acknowledge the unique identities of other people. “We respect their subjective realities, realizing that their views do not necessarily describe us accurately,” Johnson said.

His baby mother has every right not to like me right now, for the simple fact that I have someone she once may have loved. I’m hopeful that we can get to the point of mutual respect of one another solely for the mental well-being of their child. But even if we don’t, I’ll never have any ill feelings towards her. We are both navigating through our separate realities, but we are still tied together by my partner. Finding common ground to coexist shouldn’t be that tough, right? Or maybe I’m just too optimistic.

“Once you understand that the opinions, the beliefs, and the point of view other people use to see the world has nothing to do with you, then you no longer even try not to take anything personally. This awareness makes you immune to what other people think about you, and what’s more important, it makes you immune to what you think about yourself.”- Don Miguel Ruiz

Story Time: Baby Momma Drama was originally published in As Told By Cam on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

As we celebrate this year’s Black History Month, let us reflect on some phenomenal women who have put their hearts and souls into the progression of Black people. Although America isn’t where it should be as it relates to race relations, these women still made their marks on the fabric of this country. We often only acknowledge the accomplishments of the well-known activists that have been taught in public schools such as Angela Davis, Alice Walker and Rosa Parks, but for this Black History Month, let’s dig a little deeper into the past and also give our praise and respect to these iconic women who have held it down for Black America.

1. Shirley Chisholm

“If they don’t give you a seat at the table, bring a folding chair.”- Shirley Chisholm

Shirley Anita Chisholm is coined for being the first Black woman in Congress and the first Black woman to run for president. Those who knew her remembered her as a brilliant public speaker and a driven activist. Additionally, Chisholm introduced more than 50 pieces of legislation and advocated for racial and gender equality. She was a womanist and a vehicle for justice. Not only did she bring about ground-breaking legislation, but she also co-founded the National Women’s Political Caucus in 1971. She was a political force who campaigned for equal rights for Black and brown men and women, making her legacy undoubtedly iconic.

2. Ella Baker

“Until the killing of Black men, Black mothers’ sons, becomes as important to the rest of the country as the killing of a white mother’s son, we who believe in freedom cannot rest until this happens.” — Ella Baker

Ella Josephine Baker was a civil rights and human rights activist known for engaging young student delegates with up and coming reform leaders. Baker organized the founding conference of SNCC, held at Shaw University in Raleigh, North Carolina. She saw the potential and the outrage of black students and recruited them from various universities in the South. She ushered student delegates to meet with civil rights leaders and even influenced Martin Luther King Jr. to have his organization put up $800 to bring students and various leaders together for a conference (126 student delegates attended). Baker heard the cry of these scholars and used her platform to support their protest needs and initiatives.

3. Audre Lorde

“The master’s tools will never dismantle the master’s house.”

“ Your silence will not protect you.”- Audre Lorde

Audre Lorde was a proud gay activist and published author who spoke for the liberation of oppressed peoples and believed in organizing across intersections of race, gender, sexual orientation, class, age and ability. According to the Audre Lorde Project site, she is a recognized influencer who received numerous honors and awards, including the Walt Whitman Citation of Merit, which is a prestigious poetry award based in New York City. Some of her published work and essays include The Black Unicorn, Between Ourselves, Cables To Rage, and The Cancer Journals. Lorde’s essays and poems spoke of justice and reform and are still being taught and studied at universities around the world.

4. Constance Baker Motley

“Today’s white majority is largely silent about the race question.”- Constance Motley

A civil rights activist, lawyer, state senator and judge, Constance Baker Motley had a very extensive and lucrative career. According to Women of the Hall, Motley became a prominent legal strategist in the civil rights movement, assisting in the desegregation of Southern schools, busses and restaurants. She was a powerhouse of an attorney that successfully argued nine of ten cases before the U.S. Supreme Court– Motley was a force to be reckoned with! She became the first Black woman elected to the US Senate in NYC in 1964, and was an extraordinary leader and beacon for change in the early 60s and 70s.

5. Florence ‘Flo’ Kennedy

“I approve of anyone wearing what the establishment says you must not wear.”- Florynce Kennedy

Florynce ‘Flo’ Kennedy was a lawyer and prominent feminist who stood up for women’s reproductive rights. In 1968, she sued the Roman Catholic Church for what she deemed as interference with abortion, affirming that women should have sole say over their reproductive organs. As a lawyer, she took on cases that involved representing the estates of the jazz greats Billie Holiday and Charlie Parker; recovering money owed them by record companies. Flo even founded an organization called the Media Workshop in 1966 to fight racism in journalism and advertising. It’s been said that Flo’s personality was lively and unapologetic and it translated over in her advocacy. She was an assertive figure that commanded the courtrooms and every space that she entered.

America would not be what it is today without Black women. These unsung heroes lead movements, preached justice, and fought to dismantle the corrupt racist and sexist systems that America was founded upon. These women are symbols of hope and perseverance and should be learned about in schools nationwide. Black women have molded America and continue to create progress in breaking down systems of oppression.

Ladies, we thank you. I wonder who’s next?

As Told By Cam🌻

Where Would America Be Without Black Women? was originally published in Grits & Gospel on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

“We’d like to offer you the position of XXXX. We’ll be sending over an offer letter shortly. It was such a pleasure Camille, and we look forward to hearing back from you soon.”

I sat on the other line of the phone in shock. After several rounds of interviewing, I had been offered the position to work with the executive communications team with one of the top nonprofits in the country. Needless to say, something was festering in the shadows after I hung up the line.

“You don’t deserve this role.”

An ominous voice whispered in my ear.

“They’ll know you’re a fake right away,”

it continued.

Imposter Syndrome was back to rear its ugly head, and I, for one, fell victim.

According to Harvard Business Review, Imposter Syndrome is defined as a collection of feelings of inadequacy that persist despite evident success. In lamens terms, when you’re actually the sh*t and you’ve done all the work to prove that you’re the sh*t, but somehow you still have self-doubt like a mutha. While I’ve done my due diligence for years freelancing and the corporate realm to get where I am now, Imposter Syndrome again tried to take me out.

What does Imposter Syndrome look like to me?

I often find myself going above and beyond to prove my self to my colleagues. Sometimes by staying later or even getting in early to knock out some work before some of the team gets in. It’s my way of convincing myself and others that I belong in this role.

I can be out grabbing drinks or on a date with my boyfriend and catch myself looking at my work email. “Was there something I missed?” “Will they discover a huge mistake in my copy?” “ Am I being too progressive?” The thoughts are often deafening.

My anxiety goes into overdrive when these questions race through my mind. When in actuality, I’ve been doing things right all along. I’ve been showing up and showing out and my colleagues, even supervisor notice. The CEO even asks my opinion on email copy from time to time.

“You’re a writer, what are your thought on this?”

So while it’s incredible to get praise and validation from folks I work with, I realize that I must overcome this self-doubt and regain my confidence in my work. Quite frankly, I’m the sh*t, and as a result, my work is the sh*t and it’s about time I know this. If you’re like me and struggling to find your space in the corporate world, remember you deserve to be there. Studies suggest that 70% of people experience Imposter Syndrome sometime in their career. It’s not by chance that you’ve made it this far.

Look in the mirror and say this whenever you feel like you’re a fraud

“F*CK YOU IMPOSTER SYNDROME!”

F*ck You Imposter Syndrome was originally published in As Told By Cam on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

For flashback Friday, I thought I’d share my experience traveling outside the country with my ex. Yes, you read correctly, my ex. I’ve done all of my necessary healing and moved on, so It’s about time I share the adventure and give advice to people who may be traveling with their ex.

December of 2017, myself, along with close college friends and my ex at the time, took the 20+ hour voyage to Thailand. He and I had broken up a few months prior, but due to nonrefundable tickets and preapproved PTO, we decided, “What the hell,” we can still be civil and make this trip happen. Big mistake!

My ex and I were still living with each other at the time, so I didn’t have any big reservations about the trip. At least for this travel, I’d have my crew with me to avoid any potential meltdowns or attempted murder charges; or so I thought. Arrival at the airport was pure excitement. We were both amped about hitting our first stop in Thailand which was Bangkok. There were no arguments the entire Lyft there, so I thought this trip would be a breeze.

Our first flight was from Hartsfield to JFK. We grabbed a bite along with some libations and we were both ready to get this journey popping. The best way to get through any long trip, in my opinion, is to indulge in alcohol. My preference at the time was whiskey. The crew, myself, and my ex split a bottle at the duty-free store, thinking we could bring it on the plane with us. Well, that wasn’t the case, so we ended up having to pass the bottle around and chug it before boarding. Needless to say, we were all pretty lit and without a care in the world.

If only things would’ve stayed that way.

We made it to Bangkok some 20+ hours later, along with a layover in China. The hustle and bustle of the city reminded me of a little New York. The cars and people alike would run you over if you stepped in their way. I still remember the smells, so many smells (not all of them good). We caught a train from the airport then walked over to our quaint Airbnb, where I ended up sharing a room with my ex (go figure). I remember his phone always going off and him talking to some girl he was seeing at the time. I won’t lie, I was jealous, so I made it my mission to argue and pick a fight. I obviously still had feelings for the man.

My energy was definitely off and pretty sure everyone around me could feel it too. (I'm SORRY)! I didn’t enjoy Bangkok as much as I should have. I had a crying fit that night, but thanks to phenomenal girlfriends and my homeboy, I pulled through. Yet and still, I somehow managed to sleep in the same bed as my ex.

I know, I was an entire mess!

My attention and mind were on other things and as a result, my time in Thailand suffered.

Our next stop was the city of Chang Mai, where we stayed at this beautiful resort that was semi inside-outside with a long length pool that had plenty of shrubbery and blooming flowers surrounding it. Our room was grander than I expected and it had the plushest pillows and throws. At the hotel, we met up with others from a Black travel group and did our introductions.

Dinner was awkward; the travel group did a few ice breakers and a member of the group shouted out for the couples to do a kiss and they all obliged. I sat anxiously, hoping no one saw him and I not being lovey dubby. It was just a few months ago that we were in the Black travel group all boo’d up and excited about this Baecation. It was only a matter of time before someone yelled out, “Wait, I noticed y’all ain’t kiss, y’all not together no more?” Cue up a record stopping.

“This B*tch here….”

Chaing Mai was a “grand” time. We saw beautiful gold-encrusted temples, fed and washed elephants at a sanctuary, took a cooking class, and even rode 4-wheelers up a winding path to big buddha.

I honestly thought I had it together until a minor breakdown , I’m lying, it was a huge one, in a karaoke bar bathroom ensued. The night ended with me pushing my ex in the street, him narrowly missing a tut-tut, his phone dying and us losing him for an hour or two. My friends were fed the f*ck up with me and as they should have been. We randomly came across my ex again and finally made our way back to the room, where the crew parted ways.

A screaming match took place back in our quarters, security was called, (yea it was a thing) and the next morning I was left feeling embarrassed and ashamed.

Our last and final stop was Phuket, Thailand, where we experienced an hour boat ride to various islands of Phuket. I snorkeled for the first time and overcame my fear of being in deep water. During the day, my crew hit the beach while I held a pity party for myself in my hotel room (there were Thai whiskey, lots and lots of whiskey).

We experienced a Thai massage, where they basically beat and kneaded the stress bumps out of you. I wasn’t sure If I was at a chiropractor or a massage parlor. At night we caught a vibe at the night clubs and even experienced our first Thai strip club. My friend and I were called on stage where we watched a woman pull needles out of her vajayjay and even pop a balloon with her lady bits. Thai bar and club owners would direct you to their parties, claiming it to be the best in town. Amid the lively nightlife, beautiful scenery, and fantastic food, I still found myself stuck in my head. Envision my mans from Get Out, when the crazy white woman taps her teacup and he’s dangling in the dark limbo; yea, that’s how I felt. While life around me simply carried on, I was in my self-made sunken place.

I was missing out on these once in a lifetime experiences, while my ex was living his best life. Conversations with him were few and far between and it finally dawned on me that there was no rekindling our connection. So here’s my advice for folks contemplating on going on a trip with their ex.

DON’T DO IT. For lack of a better phrase, GET OUT!

Sell your ticket to a friend or just count it as an L, but I wouldn’t recommend going on any trip with an ex-lover.

I plan to go back to Thailand in 2020 and do all the things I missed out on while I was lost in my mind. Hopefully, this time with my best friend turned boyfriend, but that’s a story for another day.

Travel Blog: I Went To Thailand With My Ex was originally published in As Told By Cam on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Whenever I notice something seems a little out of wack, I always question if a planet is in retrograde. When traffic is more outlandish than usual in Atlanta, “Okay, so what’s retrograding this time Lord?” Or maybe my laptop or phone is on the fritz, (Looks outside) “Yup something is definitely retrograding.”

Mercury retrograde, isn’t all that bad. I’ve come to realize that these retrogrades are simply a time for us to sit back, reflect and most importantly continue to get our shit together.

So why is there always a negative connotation with Mercury retrograde? Perhaps, because a lot of us don’t enjoy self-reflection or any type of inconvenience. Mercury retrograde will place you in uncomfortable situations and may even dig up situations from your past.

Now on the other hand, astrologist do urge people not to start any new projects, sign major contracts or do anything spontaneous during this time. Some travel arrangements may be delayed as well, so plan accordingly.

As far as July’s retrograde goes, I’ve had these occurrences:

1. Old partners or ex’s just so happen to stumble upon my social media pages to see “how I’ve been,” via DM.
2. Everything that could possibly go wrong, seems to in fact go wrong.
3. My technology is out of wack, making my online work irritatingly difficult.
4. My minds in a foggy haze and sometimes I tune out of conversations completely, which isn’t ideal — especially at work!
5. Communication has been a bit funky.

I’m not saying that I’ve mastered Mercury retrograde, but I’ve finally been able to take it for what it is; a moment for me to slow the hell down and ride the waves as they come. For the five annoyances I've listed above I’ve been able to combat that by doing these simple things.

The case of an ex, is really a thing. When an old partner or even an old friend hits me up, I don’t go out of my way to chop it up or reconnect right away. First of all, what are your intentions for even reaching out? If my intuition is telling me they are genuinely checking in, I have no issue in a brief conversation. However, if I’m being asked for favors or to go out of my way, please stay away.

Everything that could possibly go wrong, will go wrong and that’s why I always have a back up plan. Things aren’t always going to go our way, that’s just life! Yet during retrograde it seems like the universe is trying the hell out of our lives. While being tested is expected, I’ve learned that every situation is based on your perception of it. We can easily change how we react when things don’t go our way.

Now technology does tends to malfunction, but there’s something about Mercury retrograde that will have it completely crashing. I always back up my writing and interviews now, sometimes even sending it to myself for good measure. I’ve taken it as a sign when multiple devices tweak out on me, it may be time for me to unplug. I recently saw a tweet from my friend Nekala where her coworker downloaded an app that told him how frequently he picked up/used his phone during the day (well over 500 times). Even if the digital space is your lively hood it’s necessary to take a look away from the screen from time to time.

I’m not intentionally ignoring you, my minds foggy. I’ve had conversations with friends and even coworkers where I unintentionally tune them out. It’s not like their conversation was boring, but for some reason my mind is else where. I wonder if other people feel this way during retrograde or is it the ‘perks’ of being a highly sensitive person.

Deep breaths, it’s not worth arguing over. Communication is very finicky during retrograde, it’s almost as though everyone is irritated and a ticking time bomb. I avoid drama at all cost during retrograde, because miscommunication gets real. Before I put my lips together to even form a statement, I do my best to collect my thoughts and not come off as snappy. You can’t take back hurtful words, so really think before you speak people!

We’re half way through 2019, so don’t let Mercury retrograde throw you out of your groove. Pause your big projects or even go back to ones you’ve put on hold. Let these retrogrades be a time where you figure out what’s next, kind of like a blue print. Take some time and journal, be around the people you love and do the things that light up a fire inside you. We have no time to be complacent this retrograde, so while the universe is telling us to slow down, remember not to stop. So enough procrastination, buckle down and lets ride this thing out!

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Trying to stay connected? Follow me on Twitter and IG at @_CurlyCam

Mercury Retrograde, Is That You Again? was originally published in As Told By Cam on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Releasing and recharging the lunar way

Alright guys, don’t panic, Mercury retrograde is upon us. This doesn’t mean that we have to stop living our lives any different, but it is a chance for us to reflect and take things slow. Aside from some miscommunication, travel delays and weird energies we can still navigate through this time with ease with the help of our lunar friend.

New moons are a time for new beginnings and a fresh perspective. During a new moon, it serves as a time for us to breathe new life into any area of stagnation or any place in your life where you would like to impact positive change.The moon holds a mystical place in the history of human culture and our ancestors knew this. Many ancient practices called on the help of the moon to bring about healing energies and positive manifestations.

I’m sure you’ve heard the saying, “It must be a full moon,” when wild things are happening and people are acting more strange than usual. Here me out! The moon has various affects on our oceans depending on the lunar phases, So why couldn’t the moon have an affect on us when we are composed of 50-65% water — just a theory!

If you’re not into astronomy and mysticism, no biggie these tips/rituals will still help you feel motivated, recharged and renewed.

Write your intentions

What do you wish to do different? What are you looking to manifest these next few months? How do you plan to make this happen? During new moons I like to write out my intentions. Whether it be me wanting a more fulfilling job, a prosperous dating life or something as small as having a good day.

Set the scene for your intentions and really bask in moment. This means, putting away all distractions and being present with your thoughts. Now’s the time to really visualize what you want and accept that what you want is already on its way to you. According to author Deepak Chopra, everything that happens in the universe begins with intention. He defines it as a directed impulse of consciousness that contains the seed form of that which you aim to create — your dreams and desires. Write it out and watch it grow.

“Write it down on real paper with a real pencil and watch sh*t get real.”- E. Badu

Burn it away

For things that no longer serve me, I ‘burn it away,’ aka release it. Sometimes I may write out the things I’m trying to release such as an illness, toxic relationship, debt. I read this intention out loud and then light the paper and drop it into a flame resistant bowl. I visualize the thing that is no longer serving me leaving my body, and I release it by opening a window or door.

Another solution that doesn’t involve fire is decluttering. During new moons I like to get rid of excess junk and or clothes. We tend to accumulate a lot of things of the years and a way to feel lighter is to declutter our space. Go through your items and find things that you can donate or toss out. The whole point of ‘burning it away’ is releasing it. Let go of those clothes you never wear and those shoes collecting dust in the back of your closet. It’s time to make room for fresh new exciting items and things in your life. Watch how more alive this simple task can make you feel.

“ Nothing is more important than reconnecting with your bliss. Nothing is as rich. Nothing is more real.” -D. Chopra

Treat yo self

Self-care is essential when it comes to recharging. During new moons I like to set a spa day for myself. This can be something as simple as doing a clay mask, washing my hair and even meditating. The same applies for my guys. Do some self grooming, trim/clean those nails, read a book you’ve been putting off. Do whatever makes you feel calm even if its something as simple as playing a video game. Because honestly, gaming is one of my stress relievers.

We sometimes neglect our own happiness by putting others first. Know that your needs need to start being your top priority. Plan that self-care day now!

“Self-care is how you take your power back.”– Lalah Delia

Detox

A fresh start means feeling good too. A simple detox can be helpful when you’re trying to get back on the path of motivation and renewal. Cut out those overly processed foods and take a break from hard liquor for a bit. Your mind will become less foggy you may even feel yourself becoming less anxious. During new moons I meal prep healthier meals and spoil my body with fresh veggies, detox shots and green smoothies.

Many patients with ailments have claimed to be cure of them due to a major change in their diet. What we consume does play a large part in our mental, physical and spiritual believe it or not.If you’re looking for some advice on how to start, just click here.

“But the real secret to lifelong good health is actually the opposite: Let your body take care of you. “ -D. Chopra

Leave the past where it’s at

The only thing that exists is the now. Yesterday is no more so why dwell on it? While it’s okay to reflect, it’s not okay to fall back on old habits that you’ve out grown. During retrogrades, people from your past tend to pop up. Leave those folks from your past where they’re at — in the past! You’ve already come so far, there is no point in back pedaling.

Let these new moons allow you to reflect and appreciate your growth. Reflect on the current people in your life, are the role they’ve been in them. Are they nurturing your needs? Are they evolving and pushing themselves towards progress? If not, don’t feel bad for separating from friends who are no longer on the same frequency as you. They’ve served their purpose during whatever season.

“The great courageous act that we must all do, is to have the courage to step out of our history and past so that we can live our dreams.” — Oprah Winfrey

We’re not going to evolve over night, but it’s always good to start gradually forming more positive habits that will help you become the best version of you. Enjoy the new moon’s as they come. Understand that it is never too late to start over. Focus on the now, release and recharge using the loving energy from our lunar neighbor.

Enjoyed this piece? Make sure you clap it up and share!

Trying to stay connected? Follow me on Twitter and IG at @_CurlyCam

New Moon, Who Dis? was originally published in As Told By Cam on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

My brains foggy. I’m forgetting things and even the slightest wrong look has me turning red in the face. What is going on? Is Mercury in retrograde again?I’m reading more self-help books. I’m exercising damn near daily like the podcasts and celebrities had suggested and I’m still exhausted. I don’t believe there is enough hours in the day for all that I want to get accomplished.

“We all have the same 24 hours as Beyonce’,”

I hear a colleague say and I strain the hardest to keep this fake smile from turning into a scowl and politely cursing them out. I rub my temples and head back to my desk, discontent with where I am with my career and my writing.

“Why don’t I have the same 24 hours as Beyonce’?”

I hear my inner sour patch kid whisper to me. Nope, we are not doing this today! Instead, we will address why we don’t have the same 24 hours as the rich and famous and thus do our best to make up for this disadvantage.

Much like the millionaires and billionaires giving us pep talks about how we can become them, failing to realize that much of them were born into households with silver platters, generational wealth, boarding schools and live in Nannies.

While I appreciate the encouragement from these millionaires on Twitter and day time TV. I’m honestly getting tired of hearing the same generic ass mantras and “you can be like me too” speeches.

I’ve heard everything from the most successful people:

1. Wake up at 4 A.M.
2. Stick to some quirky ass morning routine.
3. They don’t make to-do list they just ‘do.’
4. They say ‘no’ a lot.
5. They exercise daily.

While all that sounds delightful, is this really pushing me towards success?

Let’s be real, there are circumstances that are sometimes out of our control that play a factor into how we spend our days and I, like most people don’t end up sticking to a routine 7 days out of the week. While wanting to do all of the above is a great goal, don’t get me wrong, it’s not as realistic as one would hope. You can call me cynical by thinking like this, but I’m trying to be a realist.

We don’t all have the same 24 hours and some of us may never see a million dollars more or less a billion in our lifetime. Stop telling people to push themselves off of this generic quote of having the same time as everyone else, when in reality, while there are 24 hours in a day; we all aren’t able. Take into account our resources, connections, families and background.

So thanks Diddy for your vague pep talks.

I appreciate you Jada for your regurgitated inspirational quotes.

We can all stop comparing our journey’s to others. Use the 24 hours to our advantage the best way we know how and continue to kick ass on the daily. Now that all that is out on the table, can we finally lay that generic quote to rest? I for one will have a funeral of it’s mediocrity, write the quote on a piece of paper and burn it away.

Enjoyed this piece? Make sure you clap it up and share!

Trying to stay connected? Follow me on Twitter and IG at @_CurlyCam

Let’s Put This Quote to Rest was originally published in As Told By Cam on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Top international places to visit when you need a break

2019 has been interesting thus far. We haven’t made it to month three yet and quite frankly I need a break. Spring is around the corner, even though global warming may tell us otherwise. I’m not sure who is in control of the weather right now, but I need them to take it off shuffle for a bit.

Let’s take some time to plan out we can do when it does eventually warm up and stays that way. So, if you haven’t started planning your vacation destinations yet, now is a perfect time to start plotting.

Whether you’re into tropical destinations or somewhere more on the brisk side, check out a few of my suggestions for the best places to visit this year.

Thailand

You may have seen the beautiful Instagram posts of people posing in front of anchored long-tail boats in swim suits, snorkeling or even people swimming with monkeys. Most of these folks aren’t rich and you don’t need to be in order to visit the many islands of Thailand. Thailand is one of the most inexpensive international trips I’ve taken to date. The flight there may be the only thing that puts some weight on your wallet. Do your research like any international trip and figure out when’s the best time to visit, how the culture is and what forms of ID you need. Thailand does have a rainy season that takes place from July till the end of October, so you may not want to go around that time. December through April is the best time to island hop and enjoy the sunny season. Be prepared for a 20+ hour plane ride to get there. Come equipped with some good reads, alcohol and good company; you’re going to need it!

Bali

Bali has been on my list of places to visit since last year. Yes, I’m making this vacation destination happen soon. According to tripadvisor Bali is a living postcard, an Indonesian paradise that feels like a fantasy. From it’s beaches to its temples, Bali is a destination where you can rejuvenate your mind and submerge yourself in its rich culture. Compared to Thailand, Bali is more on the expensive side. But, if you’ve done your part and saved in advance, you’ll be fine. Bali is not just a honey moon destination, you can easily make this a crew trip. Visit temples, the Bali Swing, monkey sanctuaries, and even rice fields. the Check out places to visit and things to do here visiting tripadvisor.

Berlin

Berlin is not only home to some epic beer, but opera and its philharmonic orchestra. It has a diverse art scene and hundreds of galleries, events, and museums. The architecture here is some of the best in the world. So why not Berlin? Even if you’re not big into history, take the time to visit the remnants of the Berlin Wall and Museum Island. There’s literally five museums on a tiny island where you can spend the day getting enriched with art and history. Nerd out for a bit then venture around the local restaurants and wet your palate with some of their well known beer such as Augustiner, Sternberg, Beir and Warsteiner.

Egypt

Egypt probably takes the cake as one of the most famous tourist destinations. Just envision this, squatting in front of the Giza Pyramid Complex while Frank Ocean’s Pyramids plays in the background–for the culture. Your first stop should be the Abu Simbel Temples, which holds grand carvings of ancient Egyptian Pharaohs. Some museums that you must visit are:

• The Coptic Museum
• The Egyptian Museum
• Gayer-Anderson Museum
• Luxor Museum and Temple
• Mummification Museum

The wonders of Egypt are endless!

Costa Rica

If you’re big into tropical destinations, Costa Rica may be the vacation spot for you. From its beautiful forests, wildlife reserves, and tropical beaches, Costa Rica has a bit of everything. It’s a paradise to say the least and you’ll most definitely get your adventure fix here. Plan to visit volcanoes, take hikes in the lush forests, scuba dive and zip-line through the canopy. If those things are a bit much for you, lounge out on the coast with a cerveza(beer)in hand.

New Zealand

New Zealand is both majestic and breathtaking. Your first stop should be the Bay of Islands. Rent a boat or kayak and venture out into the clear blue waters. Other attractions are just a ferry ride away. Waiheke Island is a popular day trip destination, here you can sample some of New Zealand’s best wine and hike through the islands countless trails. There are several volcanoes you can visit on the island as well. A popular one is called Mount Eden. Don’t panic, the volcanoes been inactive, so you shouldn’t have anything to worry about.

I know that working Monday through Friday 40+ hours a week can get tiring. What better way to escape the mundane, than to take a trip out the country to some of these amazing destinations. Save, plan and make it happen. Your next international destination is just a plane ride away!

Let me know if you’ve visited some of these places before!

What other destinations would you recommend?

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Sh*ts Crazy, Let’s Get Out of Here was originally published in As Told By Cam on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

If you’re reading this, you may be feeling like countless other Americans who are flat out over their current job. If you are experiencing a case of the Monday’s, Monday through Friday, you my friend may be in job limbo.

This is a feeling of not knowing whether to quit or tough it out at your current lack luster job.

Once your job starts feeling like a toxic relationship, it may be time to re-evaluate some things. If much of the following apply, it may be time to start drafting up your 2-week notice.

You’re not growing professionally

If you’ve been in your current role for some time now and your organization hasn’t offered any room for career growth, start looking elsewhere. Your job shouldn’t just be a paycheck, it should be something that is inspiring you and pushing you daily. Organizations that offer classes, certifications and workshops to constantly challenge their employees skill sets are ideal. When you have that feeling of being ‘stuck’ or restless, this may mean that your job isn’t pushing you or helping you grow professionally. Really consider if you’ve excelled professionally within the last few years. If not, your current position may be holding you back and that may mean it’s time to move on.

Time to take some online classes outside of work.

Helicopter boss

There is nothing more annoying than a boss that constantly micromanages. They control every part of your work, every step of the way. It’s not only frustrating, but tiring. No one wants to be double and triple checked doing even the most basic of tasks. It feels like your boss doesn’t trust you to do your job correctly and that’s a definite way to become unmotivated and flat out resentful towards your job.

Time to revamp your cover letter.

No room for negotiations or promotions

The time has finally come for an increase or that long awaited promotion! But here’s the thing, your managers telling you there’s no room for negotiating your bonus or they’ve decided to go another way and promote the new kid. It can feel gut wrenching, when you don’t get that promotion that you’ve been working towards. This could be a sign that you need to take your talents elsewhere. Another company would be lucky to have a person with your unique skill sets. If your current company can’t see that, it’s clearly their loss.

Time to update your resume.

Your heart isn’t in it

I always hear about faking it until you make it, but there is only so much faking you can do. If your job isn’t fulfilling your goals and expectations, it’s time to get realistic and look for one that is. There is no point in staying in a relationship that doesn’t make you happy, why can’t the same apply with your job? Think about it, you’re at this place for 40+ hours a week, so why not be at a place that you at least remotely enjoy. The stress and resentment after a while will take a toll on you mentally and physically. So, by all means do your best to be at a place that takes your health and happiness into consideration.

Time to start applying for something new.

Listen, I’m not saying that you’ll get your dream job overnight, nor am I saying to quit your current job today. Consider what’s making you discontent and then plan accordingly. If all of the above apply, then apply apply apply! Your new job is waiting for you, so stop moping around at your current one and get proactive. We deserve a career that is fulfilling. So take a deep breath, think it over and go out and get that new job!

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To Quit Or Not To Quit was originally published in As Told By Cam on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Listen, lets get straight to the point

Brace yourselves, Valentines day is upon us! If you’re not in a committed relationship or seeing anyone special, try out speed dating with some of your close friends. It’s an easy way to meet new people in your city.

Never been? Well my friend, there’s a first time for everything!

It can be nerve racking at first, especially if you’re a person who hates first dates. Think of it this way, you’re pre-screening the potentials or basically predating. The slight difference is that you’re only given 5 minutes or so to make small talk and figure out if you even want to see them again.

It’s meant to be fun and chill so don’t over think it or stress. If you’re not sure what to ask, then you’re in luck! He’re a few ice breakers to get your first round of speed dating started.

So what brings you to speed dating?

This is a simple and straight to the point opener. Did your friends dare you to do this? Are you actually seeking a potential date after this? Were you just bored and looking for something to do? This question easily lets you know what the other persons intentions are for being there. If they seem to be on the same page as you, why not dig a little deeper.

How old are you?

It’s always good to know how old someone is. From there you can ask if they have kids or have been married before. This isn’t being too invasive, this is just wanting to know the basics.

Where are you from?

This question is a no brainer. When you’re talking to a complete stranger you might as well ask where they’re from. Hell, they may even be from the same city as you. If they are, the questions following should flow with ease. You already have this one thing in common, see if they’re hip to some of your favorite spots from your hometown or if they know some of the same people you do. The world is a small place.

What do you do?

If you’re interested in knowing what career path they chose, this is definitely the question you want to ask. Depending on how they answer, this will let you know if they are passionate about what they do or if it’s just another paycheck to them.

Who’s your favorite music artist?

I love knowing what type of music people are into. Especially if it’s similar to my taste. They could put you on to some dope new artist you haven’t heard of — it could be love at first sound!

Have you traveled anywhere interesting recently?

Now if you’re big into traveling this could let you know if that person is too. They may have taken a trip out of state for work or even gone on some lavish vacation out the county. If they haven’t taken any trips recently, then ask them where they’d like to go or even where their dream vacation would be.

Do you have a favorite restaurant or bar?

Who doesn’t love food? You can find out a lot about a person based on their favorite restaurant or bar. They bring up a dive bar, this person may be super laid back and easy to talk to. They love steak houses and 5 star restaurants, this person obviously has money and doesn’t mind spending it on quality food. If they bring up Applebee’s or Chili's, they obviously know about good deals and how to eat and get drunk for cheap. Don’t judge a person based on their restaurant taste, because you can easily put them on to some of your favorite spots and vice versa. There’s nothing wrong with trying something new.

What’s the last book you’ve read?

If you’re a bookworm like myself, you’d want to know if this person has picked up a book in the last few weeks. I know people can easily get lost in the digital realm, but there’s no better feeling than picking up the latest paper back or hard cover of your favorite genre. If they’re not really into books and you are, well then it may not be a match. Look, if you haven’t read a book in the last few months either than you can gladly skip over this question.

What’s one of the craziest things you’ve ever done?

See how wild they are or if they simply are ‘crazy’. This is meant to be a fun question, but sometimes folks can over share. Hopefully, they say something along the lines of sky diving or took a spontaneous trip out the country. Now if their story is a little too wild for you, no worries, that bell will ding soon and you can move right a long to the next person.

You don’t have to ask all these questions and you most likely won’t even have the time to ask them all. If you feel like you didn’t get enough time getting to know the person you’re sitting across from and actually want to know more, that’s the perfect time to exchange numbers.

It’s not a date, so have fun. Try to make a good first impression, but above all be yourself. If you get a first date out if it, thank me later!

Have you been speed dating before? Share an experience in the comments!

Enjoyed this piece? Make sure you clap it up and share!

Trying to stay connected? Follow me on Twitter and IG at @_CurlyCam

Speed Dating: Valentines Day Edition was originally published in As Told By Cam on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.