On Tuesday November 7, 2017 I celebrated 20 years of marriage with my Army Sweetheart. Someone I grew up living 20 minutes away from my entire life, but didn’t meet her until we were both stationed in Germany. I actually met her the first month I was in Germany, on a cold February day in the gym. We would see each other from time to time around the Base, but that was it. It wasn’t until that October, that we would actually talk and get to know each other. Both being from California, we talked the night away, literally. Five months later, I ask her to marry me and on November 7, 1997 she walked down the aisle and became my wife.

Tuesday I shared the first 10 lessons of “20 Lessons from 20 Years of Marriage Pt1” Today I will finish the list off. I would love to hear some of your ideas around marriage and what it has taught you. Please share below. Also make sure you read the first 10 lessons as well.

11. Never Go to Bed Angry- Your partner is your team mate, not your enemy. A discussion should never get to the point where you can’t be in the same room. It’s better to say, let’s calm down and readdress this issue tomorrow.

12. Support Each Other- I shared earlier on point number four, that you need to “Stay Single” which means to remember that you have your own interest. As an example, my wife is a bigger sports person than me. Recently, she started to coach. It meant some adjustments for our family. I tried to ensure I supported her to ensure her success.

13. Surround Yourself with Good People- My wife and I have some amazing couple friends in our life. Couples that are happy, not perfect, not void of problems but committed to being married. We talk about our relationships and support each other.

14. Compliment Each Other- Over time you will be tempted to miss the small things in your relationship like telling each other how good each other looks or what you appreciate about each other. Daily find something to compliment about your partner, you might miss a few days, but don’t let it become a routine.

15. Pray for Each Other- Over the years I know my wife has had to pray for me. I have giving her a lot to turn to the Almighty for help. Pray is just a good practice to incorporate into your relationship.

16. Compliment Other People- You are married, not blind. Don’t be afraid to compliment other people in a respectful way. My wife knows I love Nia Long, Sade and Angela Basset. And I know she loves Tyson Beckford. I often ask my wife what she thinks about other men. Maybe about an outfit someone is wearing and ask her opinion. Marriage shouldn’t be so tense.

17. Your Partner Is Your Partner, Not Property- Respect each other. Your partner is human, has feelings, and has their own ideas, concerns and desires. No one in the relationship should feel like a piece of furniture.

18. Pace Yourself- As I think about reaching the 20 year mark, it feels great. But it took 20 years to get here. Nothing we could have done to reach this mark sooner. So enjoy the journey. Take it one day at a time, and eventually you will start to hit those marks, 5 years, 10 years and so on.

19. Your Partner Is Not The Problem- Always ask yourself “Am I the person I need to be in this marriage?” It’s easy to point the finger and blame. But this is an unproductive practice. Before you look for you partner to make changes, see what changes you need to make.

20. We Are Different- The major lesson I have learned is that Kristie and I very much different, but perfect together. She sees things I would over look and I help her see things she would over look. Different is not a bad thing, it just means we are two individuals coming together to achieve “The BIG Picture.”

Well there you have it. My 20 Lessons from 20 Years of Marriage.” Remember to check out the first 10. I’m curious to see what the next 20 years will teach me. And if Medium is around, I promise to share my 40 Lessons from 40 Years of Marriage.

This morning I finally set down to write down how I image we got to this mile stone. The funny thing to me is although this is a mile stone, if all goes well, we are not evening at the half way point of our marriage, so I don’t want to take anything for granted.

I think the lesson are pretty good, but I would love to hear from you. So share your tips to what makes a relationship work below in the comments.

So here we go, 20 Lessons from 20 Years of Marriage. I’ll share the first 10 today and the other on Thursday…

1. Vision- Have a clear picture of what you want your future to look like “TOGETHER.” I would often picture Kristie and I on our 20, 30 and 50th Anniversary. We actually have a 50th Wedding Anniversary Card signed to each other.

2. Compatibility- Find the common ground. What do each of you like to do together? Many times we throw the other C word around, Compromise. But I think you will have much more success finding the things you like to do together.

3. Growth- It is very important for each of you to grow. Grow mentally, spiritually, physically, individually and so on. If not, you will grow a part.

4. Stay Single- Sounds strange right? We are talking about marriage and I’m saying, stay single. What I mean is, don’t lose your identity in the marriage. There are some things you like to do, many times we pull our partner to tag along. But this is a great time to stay single. Find your friends and do what you enjoy.

5. Gain Knowledge- This was a biggie for us. For the first few years of our marriage, we tried to “UNDERSTAND” each other. Forgetting we grew up in two different households. The better route is to learn about your spouse, don’t try to figure them out.

6. Faith- Our faith has played a big part in the success of our marriage. Faith in God, Faith in each other and faith in the process.

7. Forgiveness- Become a master of forgiveness. This doesn’t mean you allow someone to run over you or abuse you. But be willing to forgive, there is NO WAY we would ever have gotten this far without it.

8. Laugh- I tell my wife that she needs to laugh at least 5 times a day. Learn to laugh with each other, at each other and everything else in this funny world we live in.

9. The Big Picture- This goes hand in hand with having a vision. Many times over the years when we didn’t see eye to eye on something, we always referred to the “The Big Picture.” It has always won out over our feelings.

10. Walk Away- Through the course of your marriage, you will need to walk away. I’m not talking about divorce. I mean, in the midst of a heated discussion, it can become very easy to forget who you are talking to. You begin to see that person as the enemy. Before it gets to that point, walk away, so you can remember who you are talking to and have a clearer mind.

What do you think about the first 10? Please share below. Also, add some of your ideas. Maybe they are a part of my next 10. One thing I know for sure, I wouldn’t do the last 20 years the exact same way, but I would do it again for sure. I’m looking forward to taking these lessons of the first 20, to make the next 20 even better!

When we learn that life is SO much better with all of us in it, we can appreciate everyone. Appreciation makes acceptance easier.

Ask yourself these simple questions: “How diverse is my living space, from Friday to Sunday, how diverse are my experiences?” The answer might surprise you.

Explore, Experience, Evolve!!!

Oh the feeling of being #1. Having the #1 spot, being the head honcho. You worked hard, you made it to the corner office, you have the parking spot, you finally made it.

You are the CEO, the Chief Executive Officer of your company, life is good.

Yep, that’s the life, what most people who are integrated into Corporate Life want, the corner office, the title of CEO. But wait, are you aware of all it takes to maintain the corner office.

Recently I read an article in The Wall Street Journal about the CEO of Wells Fargo & Co., John Stumpf who is stepping down from his position. The company recently came under fire for some of it’s practices in their sales department. It was reported that Wells opened up accounts for customers without their permission.

I’m not sure if John Stumpf knew for sure what those under his leadership were doing. If the plan, strategy or authorization came directly from him, but what I do know is that the buck stops with John Stumpf.

I have been in similar situations like Mr. Stumpf where I had to trust other people. I don’t know how much Mr. Stumpf knew about the situation, I do know in that position you have to trust many people. You trust those that lead under you to carry out the mission, vision and goals of the company.

When that doesn’t happen, you as the CEO must take the accountability and be held responsible. In the case of CEO John Stumpf, not only did it cost him his job, but more than $41 million dollars. Wowzers!!!

Being a CEO is not all fun and games. Are the perks nice, no doubt. But never forget, there is another side of being a CEO that many people don’t talk about. At the end of the day, you are not only responsible for your actions, but everyone else you lead.

This past weekend I had the opportunity to share some thoughts on Diversity with employees of American Airlines.

The two day event hosted by the American Airlines African American Employee Business Resource Group-AADN was one of the most intentional gatherings to champion Diversity I have been a part of. I say intentional because I have attended many events like this and it usually feels like the company is just checking off a block on their “To Do List.”

On Friday night I met the CEO of American Airlines Doug Parker. We had a very candid conversation on Diversity and I can say he is committed to improving the culture and improving Diversity within American Airlines.

Also in attendance were two of American Airlines top executives Chuck Schubert and Cedric Rockamore who took some very tough questions on Diversity from the crowd. Which showed a true commitment to improving Diversity in the company. Later that evening, I went to dinner with these two men and got to know them even better as humans, not just “Corporate Executives.”

A few of the ideas I shared with the audience were:

1. Unlearn Bad Ideas: Each of us are influenced by our environment. Our parents, teachers, community, friends and so on. Many times we are taught biases and untruths about certain people groups. As we become older, it is our responsibility to investigate those ideas and see the truth within them.
2. Expand Your Exposure: Exposure is one of the best ways to improve Diversity. The more you expose yourself to different experiences the better your vision of the world becomes. We ALL naturally see the world through our lens. It is essential to expand how you experience the world. This allows you to appreciate ALL humanity.
3. Be Intentional About Diversity: To naturally gravitate to each other no matter our race, greed or background is a natural occurrence. We are taught how we should feel and think about other people. So as adults, we must reprogram ourselves if our programming is flawed.
4. Be Willing To Communicate: We have to become comfortable with having some tough conversations about Diversity. I know it’s not easy, it’s uncomfortable, it’s scary, it’s nerve racking. but it’s NECESSARY!!!

I had a great time with American Airlines and look forward to working with them more as we take Diversity to new HEIGHTS!!!

When I was in the military, one of the first things I learned was that leaders sacrifice. Leaders are first to work and last to leave, leaders ensure that the team has what they need, even if it means they go without. From the moment I entered Basic Training I was taught to think of the team first.

I recently talked with a dear friend that reminded me of this principle. As we talked on the phone and caught up with each other, I asked him how work was going. He explained that he just took over his new military unit. Nate is a First Sergeant in the United States Army. Nate recounted a story of love, honor and leadership that led to him being placed over this new unit.

Nate is an exceptional leader and recently completed an assignment driving for a 3-Star General in Washington, D.C. at the Pentagon. Nate did such an exceptional job, that he was handed picked to drive for the Commander in Chief, yes the President of the United States.

But Nate turned down the opportunity to serve the Commander in Chief.

Why did Nate turn this great opportunity down you ask? Because leaders sacrifice. Nate has a beautiful family that has supported him throughout his military career. Earlier on in his career, he was not able to pick and choose where he wanted to be assigned, so this meant the family had to up root several times. Well this time was different, he had a choice.

When he talked with his family about the opportunity to drive for the President, he noticed the disappointment on his teenage daughter’s face. Nate accepting this assignment would mean the family would have to move and his daughter would have to change schools for a third time in four years.

Nate made the difficult choice to allow his daughter to finish her high school years at her current school. Nate is a leader that knows “Leaders Sacrifice.” A great leader is always thinking about the team, how decisions affect the whole. Nate made a decision that I feel will enhance his family team for years to come. I salute his decision.

What was the last sacrifice you had to make as a leader?

Are you a Speaker, Author, Consultant or Corporate Professional? Do you have a unique skill, story or mission? If so, I would strongly suggest you add a Speaking Business to your arsenal.

I have been a Speaker in some way for almost two decades. It was a decade ago that I made the choice to make speaking a serious part of my business development. Out of all the marketing strategies I have used to build my Leadership Consulting Company, speaking has been the single most effective way to create leads.

Because of my success in this arena, I have been blessed to be named one of the best speakers in America. Several years ago I created the #1 Strategic Speakers Training in America and I now train other Speakers, Authors, Consultants and other Professionals.

Allow me to share with you three reasons to build a Speaking Business….

1. Speaking will put you in front of your ideal client. It helps them to get to know you before you try to sell them anything.

2. Speaking is a great way to market an existing business and get you major exposure. At least twice a month I am in front of my ideal client.

3. Speaking helps you to network and build relationships. Relationships are one of the major keys to building a lasting business.

This is a short list. I’ll be sharing more ideas on How To Build A Speaking Business in a free training on the Firetalk platform. Today and tomorrow September 12–13, 2016 at 3pm est. The training is free, but you will need to register, and you can do this by clicking right here:

How To Build A Speaking Business

As a corporate leadership trainer and speaker I travel a lot, so I use UBER often. Couple that with the fact that I really don’t like to drive, UBER is like a God send.

But that’s not why I love UBER. And I’m only speaking from personal experience, knock on wood, I haven’t had one bad experience with the company.

What I have had in addition to great service is the collection of some great stories. As a speaker and trainer I love to collect stories. Riding with UBER gives me the opportunity to meet and hear some amazing stories.

Every time I get into an UBER car, after the initial greetings, I always ask the same two questions “How long have you been driving with UBER and why did you get started?” That’s usually when the magic happens.

There are a few stories that stand out that I want to share.

One driver told me that after sending her last son off to college she felt lost, with not much to do with her time. She had been out of the work force for several years as she was raising her children. When she wanted to re-enter the work force, she was met with some resistance. Her husband assured her that she didn’t need to work as the family was doing pretty well. But for her, working would provide a sense of independence and allow her to get away from just being in the house. She told me that a friend suggested that she drive for UBER. She had never heard of UBER. And when she did research the company, she thought what a crazy idea. No way was she going to let strangers into her car. And besides, her husband would never go for it. Well obviously she got over the initial hindrances and so did her husband who was very against it. She even told me, that family members called her husband and said “What the heck is going on.” But for her, driving for UBER was exactly what she was looking for. She decided she would only drive during the morning and early noon hours, which gave her exactly what she wanted, freedom and flexibility.

These last two stories are from my most recent encounters and what prompted me to write this article.

Daniel was my last UBER driver and true to form, I asked my two questions. Daniel has been driving for about 9 months. Three years ago, he married who he calls the woman of his dreams. Last year his wife was diagnosed with hearth failure and has endured multiple surgeries. Taking care of his wife meant Daniel couldn’t really work a traditional job. UBER was the perfect fit for his situation. He told me he is able to care for his wife that he loves and also earn an income.

Just before riding with Daniel, I had the pleasure of riding with Kim K. Ok, so tell me what I did once I got settled in? You got it, I asked my two questions. Kim has been an UBER driver for almost a year. Recently divorced and with two growing children, Kim wanted to make some life changes and pursue some life goals and dreams that she had. But working a full time job, driving her children around to school and social events, Kim couldn’t find the time to go back to college and pursue her goals. That’s when she was introduced to UBER and long story short, left her job of 15 years and became an UBER driver, so she could have the flexibility of going to school and caring for her children. That story was great within itself.

I told Kim K. I loved collecting these amazing “UBER Driver Stories.” She then said, “You think that’s cool?” I have another one for you. I went to school with Travis!!! I immediately knew she was talking about one of the co-founders of UBER. “That’s right, we went to Granada High School. I was in a few classes with his brother Cory, and Travis was a grade or two above us.” I said, WOW!!!

Right then I told Kim K. I was going to write this article.

The reason I love UBER is the reason I love entrepreneurship. The opportunities go far beyond just dollars and cents. Entrepreneurship creates magical stories and so does UBER!!!

I can’t wait to hear my next “UBER Driver Story.”

I shared this post on Facebook and wanted to share it with my Linkedin Colleagues:

One of America’s Biggest Problems:

As I travel across America and train major corporations about #Diversity & #Inclusion I have noticed a reoccurring problem. As a Nation we don’t talk to each other, people who don’t look like us, think like us or live like us. Because we don’t talk, we assume.

Sitting at this table are 5 men from #Compton, California. All married, all fathers, all law abiding citizens.

Keith is a Pastor
Lafayette is a Wealth Advisor
Nate is a top Fashion Designer
Issac is a CEO of a Youth Foundation
Will is a CEO of a Leadership Consulting Company

But in America we are often “Mis-Judged” as thugs, lower class and not a part of the American fabric.

Needless to say, we haven’t allowed this to stop us or made us to hate America. We ARE AMERICANS…This is our home, our country or land.

Our success doesn’t mean racism doesn’t exist, it does. But at the same time we made a CHOICE not to allow racism to stop us.

As Americans we have much work to DO…I challenge ALL my FB friends to TALK, COMMUNICATE & ENGAGE in conversations that leads to us building an even better America.

You will be amazed at how wonderful people are, if you talked more and assumed less ….

#LetsTalk #WeAreAmericans

Does your team understand what you are saying? Consider this: I have studied successful companies for over a decade and although they all have different stories, there is one thing that is common among successful companies. The leaders of these companies are able to communicate in a clear and concise manner.

The good news about this is that each of us can improve our communication skills. But before we can improve our skills, we need to know what good communication is.

By definition the word communication means:

*the act or process of using words, sounds, signs, or behaviors to express or exchange information or to express your ideas, thoughts, feelings, etc., to someone else

Notice that communication is not just the words you use, but your body language, expressions, and how you demonstrate your ideas and feelings. Learning how to communicate in these various ways will drastically improve your communication skills.

Clear communication is vital to building a strong team and a lasting organization. Here are what I believe to be 5 essentials for better communication:

1. Have a clear objective. What is the point I want everyone to walk away with?

2. Know your audience. Who am I conveying this message to?

3. Be creative. Use different styles, audio, video, pictures and stories to convey your message.

4. Ask for feedback. Ensure everyone walks away knowing the end result.

5. Use another voice. This is a great way to communicate as well. Have someone else communicate an idea, new philosophy or change.

How do you measure up when it comes to communicating? Just remember, learning to communicate better is a skill that each of us can learn. I work each year with many leaders, CEO’s and organizers to help them improve their communication skills. They understand how vital being able to express themselves in a way that is compelling as well as understandable is key to their company success.