OK you crazy kids, wipe the ash off your valerian steel and scribble Tyrion’s name in the margins of the nearest history textbook — BECAUSE IT’S TIME FOR OUR LAST #GameofThrones RECAP.

I don’t even have a preamble to this one because there’s too much to discuss and I’ve kept y’all waiting long enough…

*~*~*… So LET’S GET RIGHT INTO THE EPISODE.*~*~*

❄️ We open another episode of It’s Always Sunny in Westeros with the gang contemplating their life choices in appropriate total silence.

It kinda sucks that the two dudes who were trying do Do the Most: Hero Edition™, Jon and Tyrion, are the ones who enabled a bunch of deep fried peasant children in the immediate vicinity. Sobering.

Also god damn, Peter Dinklage can ACT. Jon has this permanent “I’m not angry I’m just disappointed” face on in times of trial but Dinklage can take me on a whole journey just by furrowing his brows.

Anyway, Tyrion is like “Wow this is a lot of smoldering corpses.”

Jon is like “I, too, believe this is too many smoldering corpses. This puts those weirdly low-numbered funeral pyres at Winterfell to shame. Did anyone even die in the Long Night…?”

Then a shell-shocked burned guy walks past and everyone is like ‘Wow he seems really busy better not check in with him.” so that’s kind of where we’re at now.

This suuuuucks. I expect reparations for these poor peasants, if any of them are left alive minus Confused Burned Guy.

Then Tyrion is like “Aight, I’m off to find the Fam Bam” and Jon as usual is like “Let me help” and Tyrion is like “What I need you to do right now is very not that.”

Soooo up through the ruins of Kings Landing we deliberately amble.

❄️Grey Worm, meanwhile, is doing what he’s best at which is killing people mercilessly.

OK SPEAR DADDY YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DO YOU.

Davos “Trying Hard to be Reasonable” Onion Knight is trying to win hearts and minds but no one can stop the staring contest so we’re like OH NO ARE WE GONNA HAVE A GREY WORM VS. JON FIGHT?

Alas, no, but I feel like that was a super missed opp.

❄️ Aaaand we’re back to Tyrion finding his way to the basement of the Red Keep or whatever and it looks WAY less destroyed than I thought it was so at this point my brain is like I SWEAR TO GOD IF JAIME AND CERSEI SURVIVED THAT I AM LEAVING THE ROOM.

But no, blood’s coming out of their noses and they look pretty pallid which in GoT land means Super Forever Dead so RIP to The Wonder Twins, we knew ye well.

Also, um, I could’ve sworn I saw the whole ceiling collapse in the basement…?

It looks like Jaime and Cersei were just in the wrong place at the wrong time to get crushed. Probably for the best but still, talk about a fake-out.

Also, I know a lot of people were upset by Cersei’s relatively non-traumatic death and I get it, I do, but this is some Shakespearean tragedy shit right here.

Dying in the arms of your taboo lover who is objectively the better person as the weight of your Bad Choices Overall falls down to crush you, and being found by the little brother who you tried to kill several times over who still sobs when he finds you because the only two human beings he’s known all his life are gone and he is now the last of his line and utterly alone with this batshit queen.

Oh, Tyrion. If there’s one thing I’ve learned from you it’s to never, ever try to do anything that’s not hooker or alcohol related, it’ll only hurt your feelings.

Kidding. Kinda.

❄️ Oh! Arya! Wait — where’s the white horse?

I guess she rode it like halfway down KL and then was like “Nah you know what I’m trying to hit my 10,000 steps” .

Or maybe the horse keeled over and died of instant lung cancer, idk. There was a lot of ash

❄️ Anyway, Very Sad Tyrion, Very Disappointed John, and Very Sneaky Arya convene at the top of the Red Keep for the Dany the Burninator pep rally.

Drogon flies over head and omg we get this AMAZING shot of Last Dragon Dany the Burninator with those wings behind her and WHEWWWW I still stan my Murder Queen despite myself.

Meanwhile the Dothraki are like “YEHAHHHH, IT’S A PARTY IN THE USAAAAA” and the unsullied are doing their one dance move — the spear stomp — and Ms. Daenarys gives one hell of a rousing speech in a completely made up language. Props, Miss Emelia Clark.

Also can we take a second to thank this woman for her awesome strength IRL? She suffered not one but TWO brain aneurysms in the earlier seasons and still turn it out. Perhaps that is why I still stan so vigilantly.

Aw, Grey Worm gets a promotion!

“Grey Worm, you’re now VP of War Operations”

“Cool! But wait — what was I before?”

“You were Assistant Manager of War.”

“Oh. Does this mean I get a pay raise?”

“No but think of the exposure.”

Then she’s like “OK WESTEROS: WORLD POLICE, WHAT WE’RE GONNA DO IS KEEEEEP FIGHTING BECAUSE BOY WE HAVE A LOT OF PEOPLE TO LIBERATE FROM RULERS THEY MIGHT BE OK WITH OVERALL. EVERYONE WILL BE FREE ONCE THEY BOW TO ME, IT’S THE PERFECT PLAN.”

And Tyrion, clearly fresh from the basement, strides up and is like “Nah you know know what, fuck this lame ass party, and fuck this shitty hand pin. Dishonor on you, dishonor on our cow, I’m out.”

Ok yeah so he’s gonna be arrested, fair fair. Team Diplomacy just wasn’t a culture fit.

Jon’s still looking disappointed or constipated. Disappointipated?

And then Arya appears out of literally nowhere like “WHADDAAAAP you’re fuckin up big homie I swear to god if you tell me she’s my queen one more time…”

“She’s everyone’s queen now.”

“WRONG. AGAIN. SANSA WAS RIGHT. THE NORTH STANS.”

❄️ Then we actually have this amazing scene with Tyrion just slaughtering the monologue game from the front to back.

“Hey you know what we did wrong was trying to play fair in an unfair world. So it’s time to get back on our bullshit.”

Then Jon is JADE-ing (Justify, Argue, Defend, Explain) and says a really stereotypical thing victims of abuse say that kind of gave me chills which was “I can’t justify what happened but it’s over.”

NO IT’S NOT, JON. COME THE FUCK ON.

Then Tyrion totally nails it with: “She’ll go on liberating until the people of the world are free and she rules them all.”

Oof.

Now Jon is tasked with the final Right Thing, which is killing Daenerys.

Then we have this callback to Aemon Targaryan’s quote back in Jon’s Night’s Watch days “Love is the death of duty, duty is the death of love.” COME THRUUUU, SELF-REFERENTIAL MESSAGES ABOUT THE NATURE OF HUMANITY.

But wow I’ve never wanted to bludgeon someone on the head more than Jon for his stupid ass blind loyalty. Every time he says “She is my queen” I twitch.

❄️ Which brings us to Dany in the Iron Throne room like “Wow look at this big ol’ throne I’ve been thinking about a ton. Better just sorta… walk around it… and touch it… instead of sitting on it.”

And Jon walks in and she’s like “YOOOO HOW CRAZY WAS THAT MASSACRE whew I’m tired but wow here we are isn’t that great?!”

“Yo they’re killing even more people in the street and there are a lot of dead kids.”

“Yeah but you know what this is the game son. If I’m not ruthless this is just how it’s gonna be.”

“Have you tried like, talking to them and being nice?”

“Have you ever been a woman, Jon…?”

Then ooooh we’re gettin a sincere smooch from Jon “U R ma Kwin” Snow and “I’m your Aunt but Who Cares” Dany, and I’m like “Wow if you did this yesterday there wouldn’t be a deep fried city around us right now” but also whatever you know people are gona do their thing.

And the music swells and …

WHOA WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. WAS THAT A STABBING NOISE?!?!

DID HE JUST KILL DANY?

IS SHE REALLY DEAD?

UH OOH. BLOOD FROM THE MOUTH, BLOOD FROM THE NOSE.

YES DEAD.

WAIT WHAT.

SHE DIDN’T EVEN GET A CHANCE TO SAY ANYTHING.

WHAT IN THE FUCK.

And then he cries which I ignore because I am in fucking shock.

I knew he was gonna kill her but NOT THAT SOON. WHAT ARE THEY GONNA DO WITH THE REST OF THE EPISODE?!

THEY CAN’T JUST LIKE, TALK POLITICAL POLICY FOR THE NEXT HOWEVER LONG, RIGHT? I THINK THAT’S ILLEGAL IN LIKE 3 STATES.

The narrator: They could, and they would.

Nice burniation fake-out with Drogon but I wish he’d killed Jon tbh. Oh shit wait he’s deep frying the Iron Throne. TAKE THAT, SYMBOL

Then he just… takes off with Dany’s corpse? Ok well bye Dany like… damn. Damn.

But the nice thing is, in her original vision in an earlier season apparently Dany also saw Khal Drogo and her baby waiting there, with two dragons. So hopefully she’s somewhere more peaceful than the world she left.

Thanks for being a BAMF til the very end Dany, even if you took it a little too far. I’ll miss you on my TV.

❄️ OK so now we’re back to.. Prisoner Tyrion. Hold up did they not execute him yet. WAIT IS THAT YARA AND GENDRY AND BRI BRI AND SANSA AND ALL MY FAVES?! DID THEY TELEPORT HERE?! WINTER IS OVER?!

Oh right according to Tyrion’s beard, time has passed. That was… not as obvious as it should’ve been for a second.

Oh shit that Tully guy’s still alive! Word.

Wait is that the breastfeeding kid who loved the Moon Door? OK LORD OF THE VALE, PUBERTY CHUGGED INTO THE STATION SINCE WE’VE LAST SEEN YOU, HUH. NICE WORK.

Meanwhile, our Ladies of the North are entirely out of fucks to give and I am LIVINGGGG.

Sansa “What About the North You Revisionist Dickbag” Stark, just right out the gate taking exactly 0 shit from Spear Daddy himself — who everyone is calling by his given name now?

(I feel like I heard Dany say it exactly one time last episode and it’s like, A Thing now. Hey good for you GW, or Tobowhatever, identity is a big deal.)

I’m making a t-shirt that says “SANSA WAS RIGHT” after this and I’m never taking it off.

Anyway, confusingly, people are still supporting Dany seemingly forgetting about all the peasants but like whatevs. Her and Yara had a thing and Yara probably caught feelings so I get it.

Also wow I would pay just so much money to see Yara vs. Arya in hand to hand combat.

Oh. Uh oh. We’re electing a king? IS DEMOCRACY COMING TO THE SEVEN KINGDOMS? I TOTALLY PREDICTED THIS WHEN I WAS DRUNK AND IT’S EVEN WORSE THAN I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE.

Oh thank god someone shot the democracy thing down I feel better.

❄️So OK we’re now at an impasse. WHO’S GONNA BE DA KING?

At this point I am like four tiki cocktails deep so I start shouting SANSA.

IT SHOULD BE SANSA.

PICK SANSA.

I couldn’t even absorb Tyrion’s “Stories unite us” speech so it’s set up to lead into some character “writing” one of the GoT books in the story line I was so excited my girl was gonna get her due and suddenly —

Tyrion: It should be…

Bran: 😐

Tyrion: Someone who has an interesting story.

Bran: 😐

Tyrion: And yo I’ve got the perfect nickname that ties into the series-long symbology about breaking the wheel — you’re totally Bran the Broken, and you ROLL ON WHEELS. IT’S PERFECT BRANDING.

Bran: 🙂

BRAN?!!?

BRAN!!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!??!??!??!?!?

THE MOST USELESS BRAIN INTERNET OF THE SEVEN KINGDOMS?

LIKE THE ONE STARK WHO WE’VE BEEN ROASTING FOR THE LAST TWEO SEASONS?

Oh wow is this the first step of a psy-opp designed to normalize leaning on AI technology for leadership? I, for one, welcome our android overlords.

So ok ok trying to soothe my own knee-jerk reaction here (I’m still deeply annoyed by the total lack of cool warging in The Long Night, and the fact he was like “No I cannot be a lord”) it DOES make sense that he’s the most viable candidate.

Stark name, is aware of all the bullshit that made everyone who they are what with the whole 3-eyed raven thing, he’s not power hungry, and he’s unable to reproduce.

But still like… I needed at least two scenes of him not staring creepily to feel any kind of connection or excitement in this moment.

Moving right along. So rulers are gonna be chosen now instead of just leaning on heritage and divine right. OK, you know what, this feels like it’s for the best.

Can we discuss peasant reparations now?

But MY Queen of the Seven Kingdoms, Sansa, is like “Hey but before I sign on, the North is independent from you weirdos because tbh I can’t deal.”

And no one argues with Her Royal Rightness for ONCE. God bless. QUEEN IN DA NORF.

Oh lord Tyrion’s gonna be the hand AGAIN, but this time as the proxy ruler. OK well… are we sure we trust this guy? I mean I love him but WHEW he’s made some errors. Onion Knight 2020.

I do like that it’s sorta punishment though “He’s made many terrible mistakes, he’s gonna spend the rest of his life fixing them.”

Alright, Big T. Godspeed. Go bring balance back to the force.

❄️ Oh! It’s Prison Jon! How did they bust him!? Oh he probably turned himself in. The Jesus parallels are NOT subtle.

Oh man that sucks, he’s going back to The Night’s Watch for essentially saving the world from an villain some people liked. Politics are complicated.

At least his outfits will make more sense. Homeboy was always walking around with those big ass fur pelts and I’m like “Bro you’re basically in Greece wyd”.

I do have to appreciate this exchange too.

Jon: “Wow those are some big plans. Do you know what you’re doing?”

Tyrion: “Not at all, but when have we ever?”

❄️ AAAAND IT’S EPILOGUE SEQUENCE TIME. THIS IS WHERE WE GET THE SEQUEL SET UPS.

Tyrion saying to Jon “Ask me again in 10 years if I’m doing the right thing, I’ll probably hate my life .”

Spear Daddy is headed to Naarth to go… idk, help them? (AS I PREDICTED). They have no armies over there apparently so BOY it’s probably gonna take some explaining that they come in peace.

And dope, the sequel Arya Goes West is coming. Did she bring her faces? DO HER FACES MATTER? PLEASE I JUST WANNA WATCH HER CONFUSE AND STAB PEOPLE SIMULTANEOUSLY. PLS HBO.

Also I feel like I might be reading too much into this but Bran’s “You were exactly where you were supposed to be” line to Jon speaks more to the nature of like, how ACTUAL destiny works (as opposed to Dany’s belief) if predestination is real.

Turns out, Destiny is as a series of frightening and chaotic events helped along by a strange god who hasn’t been mentioned since Episode 3 that turn out OK as long as you have Brain Internet on tap and don’t forget your history… I think? Am I getting this?

AW BRIENNE. Writing Jaime’s story as he’d want it to be told. You’re such a sweetheart, he doesn’t deserve you babygirl.

❄️ Oh wow we’re back in the Kings Landing conference room again after all this time? Repairs happened like, super fast. Are we here to discuss peasant reparations?

AW YAY WE GOT MAESTER SAM, PRESIDENT ONION KNIGHT, AND IT LOOKS LIKE BRON ACTUALLY GOT HIGHG ARDEN WTF HAHAHAHA SEE THERE’S AN ENDING I CAN GET BEHIND.

OH AND THERE IT IS. THE REFERENCE TO THE BOOKS IN THE SHOW. THE SONG OF ICE AND FIRE IS COMING FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE. And… Tyrion isn’t in it out of spite? Weird flex but OK.

Takes me back to that Varys quote after the Battle of Blackwater though “History will not remember you, but we will not forget.”

And now Bran the Broken who Probably Needs a Better Nickname rolls up with Ser BriBri and SER — count it SER — Sex God Pod. I’m really glad he got a promotion.

Oh ok so Bran is… leaving now.

OH SHIT BRONN OF THE “FUCK YOU, PAY ME” BLACKWATER IS MASTER OF COIN THAT IS HILARIOUS.

I would literally watch an entire show of Bronn/Onion Knight fighting pettily over policy.

Oh whoa. Whoa. Slow zoom out?

Is the Curb Your Enthusiasm theme going to start playing? I’VE SEEN TOO MANY MEMES.

But as Z would say for this final scene “Same as it ever was”. We leave these characters doing the very thing we fell in love with the show for: sitting around tables and squabbling about politics.

I’ll miss you, you gaggle of wheelers and dealers.

❄️ Oh, final scene montage of the Stark kids. STRAP IN.

Jon going through some kind of new gate at the Wall to find out if The Night’s Watch ummm… needs to exists still? IS another Night King regenerating? HI GINGER DADDY TORMUND WE MISSED YOU.

Arya looking ready to slice and dice a bitch with her War Bun up on what looks like a Stark ship headed to discover America.

Sansa looking like A VISION IN SILVER. YOU BET YOUR SWEET ASS EVERYBODY’S BOWING, I HAVE NEVER STANNED HARDER.

Jon… snuggles Ghost. OK INTERNET YOU CAN SHUT UP NOW.

And Jon and Ginger Daddy are riding out. Is he just like… leaving the Night’s Watch to become King of the Wildlings or whatever? Oh wow I guess so.

And the music swells, the wildlings are headed home, all seems to be back in order and we end where we began: walking in the woods.

❄️❄️❄️❄️ Annnnnnd end series. ❄️❄️❄️

Hm. Interesting.

After 8 seasons of pure chaos and expectation subversion, all of our beloved characters kinda make out OK.

And you know what? I’m pretty satisfied with that.

It wasn’t perfect, it wasn’t particularly deft at every turn, but it tied things up in a way I think makes sense overall.

So now:

Thank you all so much for taking this journey with me through the final season — for your good humor, laughter, and all the sharing you did of these little overviews. It’s been the highlight of my weeks, and I’m so grateful we got to ride this out together.

It makes me wanna do way more culture writing — whether it’s recaps, reviews, or just talking about *stuff*. So thank you again for being here, and giving me a reason to do this.

And now my watch has ended.

️ Ladies and gentlemen boys and girls and non-binary compatriots,

Rise up from the ashes and remember if you or a loved one has been diagnosed with mesothelioma you may be entitled to compensation — because IT’S TIME FOR ANOTHER GoT RECAP.

How’s everyone feeling today? Good? Still hype? ME TOO.

Also I’ll be honest it was probably all the wine I drank at our group watch last night but the first words out of my mouth after the episode ended were: HOW DO I MAKE THIS FUNNY?!

Fear not, there was plenty of ridiculousness still worthy of commentary but I just have to stand up and start the slow clap because this episode TRULY felt like a ruthless return to form.

Oh, people didn’t get their proper neat redemption arcs that remind you they’re individuals with moral failings and GoT is not a fairy tale? Remember what show you’re watching.

We were reminded there are really no good guys and bad guys, just people either hungry for power or getting caught up in the storm? Yeah, that’s been the show the whole time.

Dany “taking what is hers with fire and blood”? IT’S BEEN BUILDING UP FOR SEASONS.

Please refer to this reddit thread if you have any doubts: https://www.reddit.com/…/spoilers_the_queen_of_ashes_theor…/.

Y’all remember the Red Wedding and stuff like the death of Oberyn Martell when a lot of us talked about rage-quitting the show?

Then remember how we were all like MORE PEOPLE SHOULD’VE DIED IN THE LONG NIGHT?

Well, be careful what you wish for, children.

I’ll leave y’all to argue about writing quality/Dany’s plot line feeling rushed though, because…

*~*~*~*~*IT’S TIME TO GET INTO THE EPISODE BREAKDOWN.*~*~*~*~*

❄️ We open with Varys, The People’s Queen, Very Officially Committing Very Treason

“Dear Whoever, JON SNOW IS THE SPECIAL PROPHECY BOI.” (to quote Lanie Presswood)

Also he’s apparently been trying to poison Daenerys via a small kitchen child? Ok Spider Bro, some things never change I guess.

He makes one last appeal to He who Knows Nothing, Jon “But She is My Kween and Because I Said So Other People will Totally Side with Her Because That’s Totally How Things Work” Snow, and is rebuffed.

Next stop: dragon snack station #choochoo

❄️ Then we’ve got Mother of Dragons, wig and brows askew, witnessing the last appeal of Team Diplomacy

Tyrion: “We got a problem.”

Daenerys: Troo. I’m out of under-eye concealer.

T: It wasn’t me though, Varys is committing Very Official Treason and — ”

Dany: “JON’S DUMB HONESTY RUINS EVERYTHING. ALSO CAN SOMEONE AT LEAST BUILD ME A SEPHORA, FUCK.”

❄️ The Varys death scene isn’t even something I can joke about tbh, I thought it was really well done.

Tyrion and Varys were the Dynamic Duo constantly working to pull the silent strings in Westeros to serve the realm and help put a just ruler on the throne.

Tyrion’s put everything in the Dany basket so when Varys gets wise and betrays her, he has to follow through. You really get it.

And Varys dies, head held high, staring a dragon in the eye. A fitting end.

Tyrion and Varys — the underrated bromance of the entire show. *pours one out*. I’ll miss the dick jokes.

Meanwhile this Jon is doing his best Keanu Reeves “whoa” impression because it’s apparently ALL DAWNING ON JON JUST NOW THAT SPICY TROUBLE IS A-BREWIN’.

The line between liberator and burnitator is thin, apparently.

❄️ Then Jon bumbles in while Grey Worm and Dany are burning Missandei’s last known possession where he gets one last shot at Incest that could Save the Kingdom

And he FUMBLES THE BALL.

Is it weird to anyone else that a lot of this hinges on, like, Jon being squicked out he’d be marrying/banging his aunt? Maybe a heart to heart with the Lannister twins might’ve changed his mind.

Once again, Jon ruins everything by trying to do the right thing.

❄️ But I have to say that Dany has apparently finally learned some battle tactics. YAS!

After Team Diplomacy has failed fifteen million times, it finally occurred to her “If we try to be nice, Cersei will find a way to fuck us.”

AND SHE’S NOT WRONG, FOLKS. ANARCHY IN THE KL.

God this sucks for Tyrion. And like, everyone. But mostly Tyrion.

Then she’s like “PS your big bro is the un-sneakiest idiot. We busted his one-handed ass at the border.”

❄️ Which brings us to ANOTHER scene I can’t even make fun of because of MY FEELINGS.

Tyrion is all of us trying awkwardly to be respectful of other cultures, completely butchering the language and having them mercifully say “I speak English. What do you want?”

I think it’s so interesting here that at the end of the day, time and time again with these characters, it seems to come down to family, and trying to save the people you have in the world.

At the macro level it’s all kings and queens and chaos, but at the micro and our day to day experiences, we care most about the people who shaped us above all.

Yes, this was definitely a George RR ending for most of these characters. Moral failings all around.

Hook me up to an IV of this anti-hero level tragedy because I AM LIVING.

❄️ Meanwhile, standard issue King’s Landing peasantry are filing into FEMA shelters I mean The Red Keep.

Jaime and The Hound try to look slick sneaking around in completely unseasonal black hooded capes. Arya is just… walking.

Also can we talk about how the Golden Company uniforms were clearly sponsored by Anthropologie?

Those harem pants and suede boots are verrrry 2019 casual battle chic.

Also Aaron Rodgers was supposed to have a cameo in this episode? Did anyone spot him?

❄️ Then IT’S THE MORNING OF THE BATTLE

Unsullied: No dicks, all power.
The North Men: Grumpy and bearded, ready to turn rapey at a moment’s notice.
The Dothraki: Still… existing? I guess they weren’t all killed by wights that time THEY HAD NO DRAGONGLASS #thenorthsmemoryisselective
Dany: Still hangry

FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!

AND GUESS WHO LEARNED HOW TO SERPENTINE: THAT’S RIGHT, THE BIG BAD DROGON.

YIPPEEKAYAY MOTHERF —

❄️ Oh wow The Golden Company kinda didn’t matter did it?

No wonder elephants weren’t in the budget.

This was honestly the one real disappointment of the episode.

I loved the Golden Company’s branding as a whole and was looking forward to them demonstrating their USP and battle, but we never got to see the fight. BOO.

❄️ Then, after probably like 20 minutes of Absolute Mayhem that’s even putting a dent in Cersei’s smug mug… surrender happens.

The Panicking Peasants start calling for the bells to be rung annnnnd that’s how the episode ends.

Dany will now take over as ruler of the Iron Throne, Grey Worm will oversee the Transition Committee, and Jon Snow will act as Press Secretary thanks everyone we can all go home now.

JK, DANY SNAPS, GREY WORM GIVES NO FUCKS, PEASANTS ARE IN FULL PANIC MODE AND THE DAY HAS JUST BEGUN.

WHO ARE THE GOOD GUYS ANYMORE? NO ONE- JUST AS GEORGE RR INTENDED.

WHAT’S THAT DANY IS PAINTING ON THE TOWNSPEOPLE IN FIRE?

ARE THOSE THE WORDS “FUCK DIPLOMACY”?!!???!

❄️ Meanwhile, we’re finally getting rid of The Least Interesting Villain in Westeros, Euron I guess.

He somehow… swam to shore all the way from Blackwater Bay…?

Anyway he died as he lived: like a weird fucking idiot.

Also this is the point where everyone was like “Jamie nooo don’t let Euron kill you he’s so lame!”

And I yelled “No, Euron stabbed Jamie at his side! He’s not dead yet, he can still keep walking for like 5 more miles.”

It is known.

Bye Euron, Weird Queenfucker. We won’t miss you.

❄️ And now, The Murder Family say their goodbyes.

Again, I don’t have much funny stuff to stay here either, as hype as I was getting for Clegane Bowl in this moment it was really touching to hear Arya call him Sandor and thank him.

And maybe he’s right. A life motivated by revenge is no life at all…

… But also like, what is Arya, Badass Slayer of the Night King, supposed to do without revenge driving her?

She’s picked up all these mad assassin skills and is she just supposed to retire them and go be barefoot, pregnant, and in the kitchen in Riverrun with Gendry…?

Guess we’ll find out.

❄️ Anyway: CLEGANE BOWWWWWWWWL. GET HYPE. *AIR HORNS*

Also Qyburn probably gets the award for quickest death. HIS HEAD EXPLODED SO FAST WTF.

Speaking of, Cersei sneaking past The Mountain and The Hound was by far the funniest moment of the whole episode.

“Oh! It’s you! Wow you know what I’m just remembering I left some wildfyre burning in the oven when I was making some coffee so I’m just gonna… slip on by… here….

Hi Hound, you look great congrats on your Murder Baby and stuff ok…”

Also: THAT’S what The Mountain looked like under his helmet? OK, verrrry Darth Vader in Return of the Jedi.

I wanted at least like, a big chunk of his face gone. He just kinda looked like the butler from The Adams Family — y’all know the one?

❄️ And then we have some really interesting overlapping scenes of heroes in their most desperate hour.

Jaime and Cersei meeting up, all tears and desperation.
Arya getting almost trampled by The Great Peasant Panic and absorbing about 8 different kinds of PTSD en route.
Clegane Bowl bowl not going super well

Arya gets up and keeps running.
Jaime and Cersei head downstairs.
And The Hound screams “FUCKING DIE” and we’re all like “Honestly same”.

And so Clegane’s story ends by him deliberately running into both his brother AND fire, the two things he was afraid of all his life. I loved that.

RIP, Murder Daddy.

Also I also have to say here this scene is where the cinematography got REALLY amazing.

I feel like we were being put in the middle of the bombing of Dresden or Hiroshima or the London blitz. Just sheer panic and destruction, buildings hundreds of years old being completely blown apart.

❄️ And at last we come back to Jon “Wait, are we the bad guys!?” Snow who finally remembers the words “fall back”

He had also discovered he made the worst deal in the history of trade deals. A few dragons for a one-night stand against The Night King and now he has to serve a crazy queen forever.

All it took was one look from Davos.

Does The Onion Knight get an award for being the most reasonable person in Westeros? He should.

❄️ Also Arya’s clearly caught the family disease of Trying to Help People and Accidentally Getting them Killed.

RIP, random peasant lady who looked a lot like the youngest brother from Malcom in the Middle.

❄️ And here we have the final scene of Jaime and Cersei. Let’s talk about this one.

Personally what I reeeeeally wanted was for Jaime to take a big ol long sword and stab it through both of them.

BUT THIS IS GoT AND THERE’S NONE OF THAT FAIRY TALE HEROISM SHIT HERE. These two are ending life as they began it, together.

He’s an addict with this one big moral failing, and he was true to it to the very end.

The desperation and fear and humanity in this last moments — where it’s not about the castle, it’s not about ruling, it’s about people just wanting to desperately stay alive.

Nothing else matters in a moment like that. Just you and the people you care about.

She and Jaime died died alone and afraid as the weight of their decisions came down around them. Poetry.

❄️ Then Arya finds… a white horse??

A little on the nose with the symbolism there GoT, but so be it.

Arya, go home sweetie. Take a shower. Check in for some therapy.

Go team up with your big sis Sansa, a.k.a. The Rightest Woman in Westeros.

WHICH BRINGS US TO THE END OF THE EPISODE, AND UPON SEEING THE CREDITS LITERALLY EVERYONE WE WERE WATCHING WITH STARTED SHOUTING.

QUESTIONS FOR THE FINALE:

Will Arya ever use her faces again or are we just done there…?
Will Bran actually do something useful?
Will Jon get his head out of his butt or die trying?
WHO WILL KILL THE QUEEN OF ASHES?!

Catch you in… the North? The ruins of King’s Landing? I LEGITIMATELY DON’T KNOW WHAT’S GONNA HAPPEN NEXT AND I AM SO HYPE.

THIS IS WHAT I SIGNED UP FOR. HERE WE GO Y’ALL.

GAME ON.

Alright nerds, grab the nearest pitcher of wine and clank your metal cups together for a game of medieval Never Have I Ever because it’s time for another…

*~*~* GAME OF THRONES RECAP POST *~*~*

We’re back for another round of Well I Guess We’re Really Doing This of Thrones.

I’d also like to say, for all the folks who are like

“What happened to the writing?!”

and

“What happened to the LOGIC!?”

May I remind you: there are zombies AND (somewhat confusingly) “good people” raised from the dead, one surprisingly effective God of Fire (who may have absolutely nothing left to contribute to the series), and literal dragons are in this show so if you’re on the hunt for logic may I suggest watching Billions instead.

And as for the writing, this is Maybe It Is Really All Cocks in the End of Thrones (spoiler alert: it is), and final seasons are always a disappointment to the True Fans who’ve spent years digging into the lore and making complex predictions, so this is just your final reminder to try not to think too hard, keep your arms and legs inside the vehicle, and enjoy the ride.

… But that said, I’m gonna point out some dumb stuff anyway.

*~*~* Now, TO THE EPISODE!*~*~*

There’s a lot to unpack here so let’s just head on into Winterfell to see how our heroes are holding up post-zombie tsunami:

❄️ First, did anyone else feel like there weren’t QUITE enough dead people?

Like sure there were a lot of pyres but I counted like mayyyybe 20 dead people on each pyre and there were maybe like 30 pyres or so.

ANYWAY.

One last look at Ser Friendzone and Theon “You’re totally a stark now you’re dead” Greyjoy and Lyana “Stone Cold Killa” Mormont.

I’ll miss all of your accusing stares. *pours one out*

❄️ Then: IT’S A CELEBRATION BITCHESSS. Stark boys in the buildin’ tonight!

For some reason I feel like this celebration should be either 10x louder or 10x quieter.

I mean there are slutty peasant girls and whatnot and it looks like the peasants have stopped their extremely busy jobs of moving around stacks of wood to party too, but if I survived an army of the undead I just feel I would be SIGNIFICANTLY MORE LIT.

Like, half of literally EVERYONE’S men died, and right now we’ve got Jon and Dany sitting in awkward silence at the head table while the hardest partiers are the Lannisters playing medieval Never Have I Ever.

Weeeeak.

❄️Speaking of — how DARE these Lannister chucklefucks mock my girl BriBri just because she’s never been penetrated.

Like, YIKES way to find a way to reduce her.

Here’s how that conversation should’ve gone:

“You’re a virgin!!!!!!!!!”

“Yeah? So fucking what. I spent years adventuring and learning how to fight like an absolute beast so I could rescue punks like you from the jaws of their own terrible decisions.

So what if I didn’t prioritize seeing a dick IRL?! There are way more interesting things out there for an Empowered Westerosi Woman so how bout you shut your mouth before I prioritize locating peene ASAP just so I can stuff one in there.”

But it didn’t so I just wanna reiterate:

Your sexual history has no tie to your worth as a human Brienne, you’re doing amazing sweetie.

Sex in this universe only exists to confuse men and ruin women’s lives so you don’t want that shit anyway.

❄️On that note, let’s take a moment to reflect on that Gendry + Arya scene.

Gendry: BABE! BABE! The Queen made me a TLTQ Baratheon (that’s Too Legit to Quit) so that means we can TOTALLY GET MARRIED NOW. And since we bumped uglies exactly one time, I get the sense you’re ready to commit.

Ary: *Arya Stark has left the chat*

And you know what, good for her, because we’ve got MORE ADVENTURES OF THE HOUND AND ARYA AHEAD, WOOP WOOP!

Also: CLEGANE BOWL CONFIRMED!!??! *AIR HORNS*

❄️ I’m glad Sansa and The Hound got a reunion moment, though it was brief.

The Hound: Man you used to be really freaked out by everything

Sansa: I was like 13 tho.

The Hound: You should’ve come with me when you had the chance.

Sansa: Meh. Now I’m a badass and the only woman not dick-obsessed in this room right now so I’m gonna go ahead and be grateful that the sum of my experience has made me the only one with any sense. Also I fed Ramsey to his hounds how good was that high five?

The Hound: Wow so I have TWO Murder Daughters now.

❄️ Oh wait no Tormund “Throwing up is Celebrating” Giantsbane made it through with his horned beer bong. CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!

Also Dany is like, every woman ever watching a man get patted on. the back for something she’s been doing for like, 5 straight seasons.

Tormund: “WOW WHAT A BADASS DID YOU SEE HIM RIDE THE DRAGON?”

Dany: “Yeah if only someone had taught him that…”

Tormund: “WHAT A FIGHTER. WHAT A CRAZY MOFO. SUCH A SHORTIE TOO. BREHH TOTALLY A KING.”

Dany: “Ooh yeah there was only one available position for Dragon Riding Ruler in this administration and I’ve definitely already filled it so I’m gonna need — ”

Tormund: “WHAT A GUY.”

Varys: *Varys has joined the chat*

What I really needed here was another Dany “staring into the camera like Jim Halpert” moment, but we didn’t get it so the random Starbucks cup will do.

❄️Alright then we’ve got the fan service Jamie/Brienne Deflowering Scene of Love I Guess

Jamie: “I’ve never slept with a Knight.”

Brienne: “Same.”

Jamie: “I DID bang my sister a whole bunch too though so what I need you to do is not think about how my best sex moves are likely the product of some incestual intimacy.”

❄️ Then I really have to hand it to Dany for making her case to Jon .

“Look I’m really feelin’ you Nephew Boo, but what I’m gonna need you to do is respect the decade+ of work I’ve done and the tons of people I genuinely like who’ve given their lives for my cause and just keep this whole “claim to the throne” thing for bedroom role play only, kapiche?”

Then Jon is like “But THE TRUTH. That has literally never gotten me into any trouble before and trying to do the right thing literally didn’t get my stepdad killed too but also we’re not gonna show Arya and Sansa’s reactions to this news because I dunno tbh.”

*Danaerys read at 9:58 PM*

❄️Then we return to the No One Listens to the Women Not Even the Women War Room where Sansa’s good sense to let some people nap is being ignored and the queens’ advisors are still trying to “teach” her restraint for like the billionth time because boy that’s worked out.

Personally I’m more partial to Cersei’s brand of restraint which is “Let my enemies kill each other” because honestly that seems to be the only type of inaction that works in this universe.

Taking notes!

❄️ Oh look we’re back on Winterfell’s Exposition Patio for Sansa to start the greatest game of Telephone Westeros has ever seen.

At this point I’m worried about Sansa because Dany is feeling PARTICULARLY torchy these days and with it taking about 45 minutes to get to King’s Landing instead of two weeks these days I feel like Dany could with a battle, hop up north on a dragon to get her revenge before the episode wraps.

❄️Anyway — then we have a whole bunch of Northern Plot Tieups of Thrones where people just… leave? I guess?

Tormund is like “The girls don’t like me I’m outtie”.

And then Sam’s like “YEAH YOU SEE THAT BABY BUMP? WE DID THE SEX BRO HIGH FIVE.”

And Ghost is like “Sorry, you’re not even gonna give me some ear skritches though…”

So uh… bye guys.

❄️ However for every loss there is a gain, and I’m really glad Varys is back in the game to say what we’re all thinking.

Tyrion: They could get married…

Varys: No, she’s his aunt

Tyrion: Yeah but like…

Varys: Look Big T, the people of The North may be blatant, unapologetic racists, but they draw the line at incest, OK?

❄️Ok so we’re on the High Seas heading to Dragonstone (I think?) and apparently Dany forgot to send scouts again (will she ever learn?) Because BOOM Rhaegal headshot.

ARE YOU HAPPY NOW, PEOPLE WHO WANTED MORE DEATH? RHAEGAL SURVIVED THE ZOMBIE HOARD BUT GOT TAKEN OUT BY ESSENTIALLY A GIANT ARROW TO THE FACE. HOW ARE YOU FEELING YOU BLOODTHIRSTY FIENDS?

Oh shit there goes Missandei too.

❄️Euron then teleports back to King’s Landing immediately to share the good news with our favorite Pixie Cut Baddie who’s like “You know what we do really well here is foreshadowing.”

Dany’s getting set up to be the mad queen.

She’s gonna have to kill thousands of people — and what I think the writers are doing a decent job of illustrating is that honestly, if she does, I like, kinda get it.

She’s gotta be so pissed right now, everything she worked for is falling apart in her hands JUST BECAUSE some dude born of a secret marriage who doesn’t even WANT to rule happened to have come into the world *and* happens to have a penis.

I’d wanna Dracarys everyone too, shit.

❄️Then, of course — OF COURSE — we’ve seen for the millionth time that team “Try Diplomacy” has their strategy completely torn up by a Ruler Who Gives No Fucks.

RIP Missandei, you were really fly and cool and nice, and I will miss you but not as much as Grey Worm who is about to LIGHT SHIT UPPPPP alongside the Danaerys “Fuck Diplomacy” Stormborn in KL.

Buckle in children, we are in for a spicy ride.

❄️Oh and we finally close on Brienne having to run out in the cold in her bathrobe because Jaime’s being AN IDIOT.

But what else is new on Men Making Dumb Decisions of Thrones, you feel me?

OK that’s all I got — SEE Y’ALL NEXT WEEK FOR WHAT IS APPARENTLY GONNA BE ANOTHER MASSIVE BATTLE SEQUENCE BUT THIS TIME: WITH WAY BETTER LIGHTING.

If you’re a freelancer or creative entrepreneur, you’ve probably seen this before:

You’re zooming around a forum or Facebook group for your professional focus, and someone brings up — dun dun dunnnn — pricing.

“I’m a beginner (about 6 months in), so I’m not sure what to charge for XYZ project.

Right now I’m doing $50/hr, and I’m estimating a number of hours…”

Immediately, between the mix of decent advice and follow-up questions, the swarm descends.

“Too low! How can you live off that?! You should double that immediately.”

“You should be starting at a minimum of $300/hr.”

And the ever-popular: “You should really start charging what you’re worth, hun. Your time is worth so much more.”

This advice, while generally well-meaning, can often be confusing at best, and outright bad at worst.

So why do so many people give it so haphazardly to so many others?

I have a theory:

This is a side effect of what I call “pricing culture” in the online space.

And, like most things in Internet Land, pricing culture started out with fantastic intentions.

The aspect of pricing culture we’ll dig into in this article — the battle cry of “Charge what you’re worth!” — began as a call-to-arms for online business owners with years of experience still charging too-low prices for their services because they lacked the confidence to charge a premium.

It was also a necessary pendulum swing because let’s be real: freelancers are notorious under-chargers, and sometimes struggle to value themselves highly.

For women freelancers especially, this is even more of a problem. (Peep this great article from Abbey Woodcock about it, and this one from Glamour.)

Its popularity makes total sense because pricing itself is, in many ways, a deeply emotional experience.

You not only have to dare to speak big, commanding numbers out loud, but you also have to work through the sludge of your own imposter syndrome and self-doubt, trying to sort out how to charge thousands when you spend most of your days alone at home at your laptop with no pants on.

It can also be hard to know where to start with your pricing, and what your goal should be, and it feels like there are a million things that can go wrong.

So it’s no wonder this simple “Charge what you’re worth, and people will pay it!” idea caught on like wildfire, right?

In some ways, the “charge what you’re worth” rally cry is a good thing — because it challenges people to play bigger when they’re stuck playing small.

But the issue is, “playing bigger” means something different for everyone.

Telling an entrepreneur with 10 years of experience to “play bigger” means something very different compared to someone with 10 months of experience.

And yet the advice is often applied in blanket-fashion, with both teams receiving the same message, with no follow-up as to what that can mean for them specifically.

While it feels like you’re doing good, encouraging work to just shout for everyone to charge hundreds an hour, it can often cause unintentional misdirection and confusion.

Because pricing culture has a wide, deep shadow side.

That’s why, as with most one-liner encouragement tropes on the internet, we willfully ignore the nuance of “charging what we’re worth” at our peril.

In fact, if we don’t take the time now to be open about what that phrase really means in context — and the pros and cons of pricing culture in general — we are actively doing harm to others. (Both beginners and veterans).

So let’s get into the conversation we’ve gotta have.

Pricing culture issue #1: “Charge what you’re worth” often leaves out a huge chunk of the story.

I’ll level with you: “charge what you’re worth, hun” is a very sexy piece of advice to give because it’s simple and easily repeatable.

A small part of us really does want to think that that internet guru just heard the words from someone, pulled up their panties, fixed their money mindset, and finally understood their value bb — and three days later they started booking $10,000 gigs.

*Hair flip*

*Selfie*

It is much less sexy to hear an actual high roller tell you the truth about how they got there:

“Well, I invested a ton into my education and support, I started relentlessly pitching clients in the niche I knew could afford my rates and it still took years to cement a consistently reliable client pipeline.

But since then, I’ve set up really high-end, tailored-to-my-market packages with a step-by-step signature process I honed over years of hard-won experience in my chosen industry. I’ve also made my clients a LOT of money.

So yeah, that’ll be $20,000 for this package.”

Tl;dr: They’ve have worked their asses off and have oceans of social proof behind them.

And, most importantly, they deliver on value their rate commands.

They often make it look easy, and talk about it like it’s easy, but it’s really a much, much longer story than just pulling some magic “charge more because someone nice on the internet told me to” lever.

Issue #2: Understanding what you can charge requires a lot of context. (Sorry, your time is not automatically worth thousands.)

A colleague told me a story recently that sent shivers down my spine.

A former client of his had jumped on a consult call that cost around $3,000. No deliverables, just a conversation and some pointers.

The client’s feedback?

“Eh, it was a good call. But the takeaways were maybe worth $300.”

Yikes.

Somewhere along the way in pricing culture, we’ve glommed onto the idea that being in our very presence is worth thousands because… we say it is.

Is it important to get paid well for what you can do? Hell yes.

However, before you toss out an arbitrary price point, it’s vital to understand:

1. What are you really worth? What can you actually create for people, or give them, that they can’t get anywhere else? And
2. What price point can your market bear?

So let’s start with the first point: figuring out your real, indisputable value.

I should specify that this is about your value as a professional. Not a person.

(The two are often conflated, but shouldn’t be. You are not worth less as a human being for charging $500 for a website compared to $5,000.)

While of course low pricing can be a symptom of a lack of confidence, and a little more (earned) confidence can and should inspire higher earning power, the way you price yourself has to have roots in what you’re able to achieve on a results level — not just what you feel you can do because you’re in a good mood that day.

So ask yourself:

What proven results do you get for your clients?

(And, as the brilliant Felicia C. Sullivan pointed out in the comments, results are not only quantitative. How much time and energy you’ve saved a client, for example, are just as important as the money you made them.)

How many projects do you have under your belt ?

What unique skill sets do you bring to the table?

The more experience and success points on the scoreboard, the more you can confidently charge.

Similarly, if you have less experience, you should price accordingly.

That’s why, especially in the case of throwaway Facebook comments, throwing out arbitrary pricing numbers with no context is where things start to go south.

Let’s say you’re a newbie who’s been told you should start charging at $250/hr.

When a prospect with any sense hears that and finds out you’ve only been in the game for 1–2 years and are still learning, you are going to have to try a LOT harder to clearly define your worth and justify your rate.

And chances are? You’re setting yourself up for struggle.

You are, for lack of a better phrase, writing checks your butt can’t cash.

Now to the second point: What price point can the top of your market bear?

Bigger businesses = bigger budgets. Are you currently working with a market that can comfortably shoulder the rates you want to charge?

For example, a $20,000 contract might feel like chump change to a Fortune 500 company.

However, if you draw up a $20,000 contract and your preferred clients are solopreneurs in their first few years of business (read: more modest budgets)?

That’s a much harder sell — and unless you have a clear way to demonstrate how they’ll make their investment back and then some, you’re buying yourself a one-way ticket aboard the struggle bus.

Issue #3: The pricing culture pinnacle, the “six-figure business”, sets an unfair precedent.

Lest we forget…

The current state of pricing culture is helped along by the ever-sexy vision of the promised land — “6-figures”.

It is, without a doubt, the most revered and bragged-about milestone in online business (aside from 7-figures and 8-figures, of course).

And when it comes to pricing, the mere suggestion of it is almost always accompanied by two unspoken indoctrinating questions:

If you’re not making 6-figures, do you even have a successful business?

If you’re not “charging what you’re worth”, how will you ever get hit 6-figures!?

I didn’t even realize that, as a six-figure business owner myself (#BRAG), I clung to these ideas in the back of my mind for years.

But it turns out, there’s more to the story than the sum of the digits in your sales report.

At a mastermind retreat in Canada last year, I found out a woman I’d followed for years (who was a legend before my career even started) did not make 6-figures per year.

Voluntarily.

I could barely process it.

“But… why not!?” I blurted out, agog from where I sat cross-legged on the AirBNB carpet.

She had the audience. She had the brand. She could totally charge more than $40 for her programs.

And of course, I had to flex my own pricing culture buy-in by following it up with: “You’ve gotta charge more girl,”.

(… As if she’d never heard that one before.)

She shrugged politely.

“It’s not a priority of mine. I keep my overhead low and budget to live within my means, so I can still save and travel whenever I want — we’re even buying a house next year.

I’m priced for the people I want to work with. I don’t prioritize making 6-figures because I don’t need to. I work as much or as little as I wish, and have a great life.”

And the more I think about it, the more sense it makes.

The truth is, there are so many measures of success beyond sales numbers. But pricing culture defines success as strictly monetary.

Sure, it might be phrased like: WITH THIS MONEY YOU WILL HAVE FINANCIAL FREEDOM TO LIVE THE LIFE OF YOUR DREAMS.

(Read: Taking selfies from the beach while your business makes eleventy billion dollars without you.)

But often, the richest people I meet in the space are the least free, and the most burned out.

Their overhead is high (at the end of the day, they might be taking home even less than a non 6-figure earner), they’ve got multiple team members to wrangle, and they’re often on the road.

That dreamy-looking sabbatical they took? It’s because their health was so bad they literally needed to physically remove themselves from their work and desks to recover.

I know in my case, my first 6-figure year (and the next couple, let’s be real) came about because I was working my absolute hardest, constantly, all the time.

Did raising my prices help with this somewhat? Absolutely — and it happened at about the right time, if not a little late.

But raising my prices also didn’t stop the incessant drive in the back of my mind to take the next project, fill your plate, project is money, money makes 6-figures, 6-figures is success that this side effect of pricing culture had sparked in my brain.

Even when I was charging more, the real work was teaching myself to work less.

All this to say: There are more ways to measure success than sales numbers.

I’m not here to tell you to go broke on a beach somewhere.

But what I will tell you is that it’s possible to still have an extraordinary, happy, free life and business outside the confines of 6-figures with some basic financial planning.

For some, sales numbers paint the picture of how well they’re doing.

For others, life does.

And what pricing culture often causes us to forget is that you get to choose.

Issue #4: “Charge what you’re worth” pricing culture often dismisses the case for intentionally climbing the ladder

I’ve been slow to raise my rates over the last 8 years — a reality that’s earned me criticism (and sometimes teasing) from my colleagues, even though I hit my first six figures in 2015.

But you know what? It’s worked pretty damn well for me.

My aforementioned workaholism aside — projects have always come in the door and food has always been on the table, because my pricing was based on what I knew myself to be capable of .

This gave me confidence on sales calls, and built a stream of clientele with absolute trust that I can do what I say I’m going to do, which keeps them coming back again and again, even as my prices climb.

It also serves to mention that over the course of my 8-year career, I have had maybe 3 dissatisfied clients total— and I’m pretty proud of that.

My approach to pricing has always been to look at the value I know I can bring, and the work I know I can provide, and go from there.

I charged low when I was new and still learning because… I was new and still learning. Higher rates would’ve paralyzed me.

When I thought I could do more, I charged more.

And leaving that reality out of the conversation is where many people (newbies especially) get hurt.

Intentionally or not, arbitrarily suggesting newer pros “double their rates ASAP” or “start at a minimum $XXX” implies that if they do not do these things, they are dumb, lazy, broke, and will be left behind.

This shoves greener professionals steadily climbing the pricing ladder into a box they don’t deserve to be in.

This is especially where pricing culture can actually cause more problems than it solves.

Because on one hand, I get it. It’s hard to be new. It’s hard to work for $25/hr, even $50/hr.

It’s way sexier to jump straight into charging hundreds per hour… but as I mentioned above, you’ve gotta consider what your market will pay for your level of experience.

It’s not “scarcity mentality” to charge lower rates while you’re still new, move with what your current market commands, and work your way up.

It’s realism.

Issue #5: Pricing culture popularizes the “me vs. the dumb client” mindset

How many times have you seen a colleague dismiss a client who can’t afford a certain rate as being “cheap” or out of integrity?

It shows up everywhere, helped along by “GOT ‘EM!” screenshots of low-balling clients being “put in their place” by sassy freelancers — often for simply stating their budget with no real education around what things cost in the industry.

However, while I get the schadenfreude and I’ve laughed at a lot of this stuff in the past, it’s created a fetishization of insulting people who can’t afford us.

Businesses exist to turn a profit. Why are we mocking people for trying to be responsible with their numbers?!

And before someone comes at me with the “but low-ballers” comments, I get it. I’ve lived it. I’ve had clients so cheap I . once got paid via what must’ve been a regifted iTunes gift certificate... from Canada, which made it unusable in the US.

Are there clients who are absolute jerks and will berate a creative pro for charging too much?

Absolutely. And those people deserve to be dunked on.

But for most clients, they’re trying to figure out what they can reasonably afford. It’s our job to show them why the investment is worthwhile.

Generally, we should realize:

Of course Solopreneur Sally is gonna balk at someone charging $500/email with no proven track record.

Don’t call her an idiot. She isn’t one.

Don’t tell her to go into debt. She shouldn’t.

Just say “No thanks” and move along.

Issue #6: Overcharging creates a ripple effect across industries — especially creative ones.

It’s an open secret that the higher your price point, the higher your risk of clients feeling as though their investment wasn’t returned.

However, what it also does is create populations of clients who’ve been promised a magic bullet AND the moon at extremely high rates as a sales tactic.

Especially in the copywriting world, these same clients with stars in their eyes often miss the memo that, despite the fact they’ve shelled out a ton of cash, there are a heap of other factors at stake (their list engagement, the price point of the offer, the timing of the offer, their market, etc.) that create success.

And thus, when that doesn’t happen, and they need to hire another professional, they’re gun shy about their investment, and often even more difficult to work with.

It’s a lose/lose for all of us.

The good news is? The pendulum is swinging back — conversations about pricing culture are officially underway at last, all over the internet.

Two that come to mind are this great piece by Paul Jarvis and this great one by Jessica Manuszak.

While I can’t speak for Paul or Jess here, I can certainly tell you:

I’m not telling you all this to scare you, or make you shy away from a price hike you deserve.

If you’re ready to raise ’em and have the proof to back your rate, do it up!

But getting real with yourself about what you can do, who your market is, and what your picture of success REALLY looks like will help you avoid a heap of land mines in the online business space — like furious overcharged clients, resentment, a total lack of confidence, and the desperate dance of trying to pivot in an attempt to find a market that suits your price point (instead of the other way around).

Because I’m telling you this to tell you the truth:

That the answer to the “How much should I charge” pricing question matches the response to most questions in the marketing and business world, which is: “It depends.”

Hype is not worth.

What someone thinks you “deserve” is not worth.

What you can confidently do and create for the market you want to do and create for is where your worth really lies.

So the next time you feel the itch to shout “Charge what you’re worth, hun!” to a stranger on the internet you really want to help, consider asking them instead:

“What do you know you can do… and for who?”

About the author:

Hillary Weiss is a concept development consultant, speaker, copywriter, and founder of Statement Piece Studio @ hillaryweiss.com. She’s also the co-host of the cult-favorite Youtube marketing talk show #HAMYAW, and has had her work featured on Business Insider, The Next Web, The Observer, and more. Through her 1–1 client work, workshops, virtual hot seat sessions, writing, programs, and videos, Hillary has helped 1,000+ brands all over the world get seen and heard (and make serious cash) since 2011. Nowadays, she’s on a mission to help more small businesses define their “statement piece”, a.k.a. the bold point of view that makes them radically relevant to their perfect people, and crush copycat culture on the internet by helping entrepreneurs turn their unique perspective into mega profit — while still having fun.

Wanna know more? Catch her riffs on all of the above on her blog, or say whaddaaap! to her on Twitter @hcweiss.

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, grab your favorite wight and extinguish your flaming swords, it’s time for another…

*~*~* GAME OF THRONES RECAP POST *~*~*

Author’s note: For the past couple of seasons of GoT I’ve taken it upon myself to write recaps of each episode on Facebook. Upon request, I’ve posted them here to make them easier to share internet-wide.

First things first, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again…

I think we’ve gotta take a moment again to appreciate just how much GoT has changed the way we perceive good TV.

Like George RR has essentially turned us into a bunch of bloodthirsty White Walkers starved for the death and noble defeat of the characters we love.

We got mad when his writing caused the death of great characters, and now we get mad when they DON’T die and get to live another day.

Sure it’s a sign we’re not watching the same TV show from S1 anymore, but it’s still nothing short of remarkable cultural shift, so let’s give props where props are due.

Which brings me to another point: IF YOU ARE DISAPPOINTED YOUR FAVORITE CHARACTER DID NOT DIE A NOBLE DEATH LAST NIGHT YOU ARE NOT ALONE, MY FELLOW MASOCHISTS.

However — let’s put things into perspective for a second:

Zombie hoard comes and kills A Lot of People for 50 straight minutes. Some people we really liked, too.

Us: MOAR DEATH. I WANT YOU TO MAKE ME *FEEL*.

So, in the words of Linkin Park, we have become so numb.

Please know your disappointment in many ways is felt, seen, and shared by me. I know we wanted more from this episode but I feel like I should also make the points:

1) The show is called Game of Thrones. Not Game of Medieval Walking Dead.

Plus, if the rest of the final season was Big Bad zombie fighting it would be pretty boring pretty fast.

2) I completely understand the frustration that this felt like a really sudden end to this piece of the plot, a number of complex theories/explanations did not come to pass, and that Cersei (and, by association, Diesel of the Iron Islands spokesperson Euron) is now the final boss.

However in show lore the White Walkers etc. have never really been anything more than white blood cells for the Children of the Forest who created them because humanity is, frankly, The Worst.

I mean look at us we’re on our couches screaming for death.

While I’m as bummed as you are that a single episode can end an 8-season arc, it WAS a pretty groundbreaking, epic-in-terms-of-scale episode AND we don’t know if that story is over yet.

(It probably is since it turns out the most simplistic theories are the correct ones. But still!)

3) If you’re wondering about plot armor, keep in mind we’re seeing the point repeatedly underlined that characters miraculously stay alive UNTIL THEY HAVE FULFILLED THEIR DESTINY.

There’s another battle coming. Hang in there, you bloodthirsty vultures. (A group to whom I also belong.)

Also: If you need somewhere to commiserate, reddit r/asoiaf is pissed, and Twitter #demthrones and #thronesyall was hyped.

Choose your own adventure.

OK now with that out of the way, BUCKLE IN FAM, LET’S DISCUSS THAT EPISOOOOOODE.

❄️ I’d first like to give a shout out to today’s guest stars, Total Silence, Utter Darkness, and Unbridled Panic.

I was absolutely SHOOKETH seeing so many of our brave warriors who’ve Seen Some Shit clearly so frightened in the quiet and the night.

The episode was done by the Battle of the Bastards director guy and MANNN you could feel it. The claustrophobia and sheer terror. Yeesh.

RIP to the millions of oreos I stress ate.

❄️ And suddenly: MELISSANDRE somehow slowly horse-strutted by the entire army of the dead Iiiii guess?

Just in time to upgrade the Dothraki army whose weapons were apparently, uh, not made of dragon glass!? Can someone explain to me why they all just suicided?

But my god, seeing them ride out into the blackness and just get snuffed out like so many fireflies was unreal.

My heart was just crushed. RIP, like, that entire race of warriors. Is there a contingency plan there?

Also, only tangentially related, but we’ve REAAAALLY gotta stop counting on Jon for battle planning. He doesn’t seem to be very good at this.

❄️ I also have to hand it to the Dead for their sheer numbers strategy.

That tidal wave of zombies was SOMETHING ELSE, y’all. Talk about a moment of total hopelessness and chaos.

Make Zombies Terrifying Again.

❄️ Meanwhile, in the Super Safe Crypts™, Tyrion is very busy wrapping up a plot point and foreshadowing as usual.

Tyrion: I should be up there. I could use my Big Brain Powers to help.

Sansa: Bruh, Zombies.

T: Yeah but Sam is literally lying down with his sword straight up and using it to stab people right now. He’s even gonna make it to end of the episode alive.

S: No. Stop. Also you were a great husband.

T: Wow, that really sucks for you.

S: But you know who really sucks? THE DRAGON QUEEN AM I RIGHT HIGH FIVE.

Melissandei: First of all, how dare you.

❄️ Oh dear, team Battle Dragon is now at war with its greatest new enemy: THE WEATHER.

Ice storm. Who made it? We don’t know, but IT’S HERE and I’m frosty just looking at it.

And oh no, literally no one considered this contingency plan for, oh idk, THE FIRE in a snowy environment.

But it’s fine, Melisandre is on the case. WOMEN SAVING THE DAY LEFT AND RIGHT IN THIS EPISODE.

❄️ Uh oh, our pokey things were not working, RETREEEAT.

Was there dragon glass at the end of the pokey things?

Have people not heard of burning oil in this medieval universe?

Also I feel like I need to pour one out for the Unsullied who were essentially the only competent fighters on the field. Fucking fearless holding formation in the face of death to protect others.

I love them. Entire Unsullied are officially bae.

Hooker cuddles for ALL of them in King’s Landing when we get there.

❄️ At this point Oh Fuck Oh Fuck everyone is running inside — which brings us to the. First semi big death of the day: LYANA MORMONT, STONE COLD BADASS.

I’ve gotta hand it to that little actor, she’s got some serious Warrior Scream in her.

But also like… where were all the other giants!!??! Weren’t there like a bunch of dead ones marching?

Ok.

❄️ Cut to The Hound LOSING HIS SHIT.

Thank Clegane, you’re right, things ARE super fucked right now. Have you tried lying down and sticking your sword straight up?

But don’t forget, your Murder Daughter needs you kinda!! GO! FOLLOW HER.

❄️ Bran: INEXPLICABLY WARGING.

I know being a bird is nice and all big homie but NOW IS NOT THE TIME.

❄️ Fighting, fighting, lots of fighting.

Lots of our faves looking just about overwhelmed and being Fine, Actually.

❄️ Speaking of: ARYA FUCKING STARK, DEATH MACHINE. AND ONLY THE ONION KNIGHT NOTICED!?

I’ve gotta hand it to whoever dreamed up that scene in the library. I was holding my breath the entire time.

Also why didn’t people just jump OVER more zombies? I mean clearly if we’d had some dragon glass boogie boards with blades on the bottom it would’ve been a different episode entirely.

Oh also RIP Beric — who, you’ve noticed, is dead because he outlived his purpose because The Lord of Light is the one true god I guess but we’re just gonna skim over that for the rest of the series probably…

… But I also pumped my fist at “What do we say to the God of Death?”

NOT TODAY, SATAN. WE SAY NOT. TODAY.

See you soon, Murder Daughter.

❄️ OK so The Night King finally shows up from somewhere and we’re having a DRAGON BATTLLLLLE and honestly this was kind of beautiful.

Having them high above the clouds dying from oxygen deprivation I mean regular ol’ battlin with some ice on their coats under the light of the moon was just incredible.

Also, the blue fire apparently does… nothing to other dragons?

Death Dragon was like HOOO and Daenerys was just flying above him until… something happened, I forget. It was chaos.

❄️ Anyway somehow The Night King slowly falls stoically to earth and Jon is like “AMAZING, I CAN CHASE HIM AND BEST CASE STAB HIM, OTHER BEST CASE FINALLY DIE.”

Narrator: He didn’t tho.

And this is the part where the Night King uses his actual Night King Powers.

Wild Eyed Jon is chasing after him knowing exactly what he can do, and The Night King is like

Turn
Pose
*~*~*Smize*~*~*
RAISE THE MOTHERFUCKIN DEAAAAAD

… and they will walk at you at a steady pace so you can kill them one by one.

❄️ This is right around when all the people on the battlefield are having The Worst Day Ever.

Like, they’re tired. They’re hungry. Kim, there’s people that are dying.

And then suddenly all their expired bros are like AND THIS IS THRILLERRRRRRRR, THRILLER NIGHT.

Ugh, can you imagine? The worst.

❄️ OH NO, THE SUPER SAFE CRYPTS™ ARE NOT SUPER SAFE™ AFTER ALL.

If you were disappointed that none of our favorite Starks were resurrected, I think we all need to keep budgets in mind here.

Imagine the costs of bringing all those faves back just to be Undead and murder-y. Logistically, probably not ideal

So anyway: randos are falling left and right, but let’s hear it for that moment between Tyrion and Sansa during the “muffled battle sounds” period of the episode. Just sheer panic and looking death in the face but gaining strength from each other.

I was hoping they’d kill themselves in dramatic fashion because that’s just the kind of person I am now, apparently.

But, since they’re still alive, I ship it now.

❄️ Meanwhile, Bran the Bait Man is sitting comfortably in Godswood, and it’s mayhem.

A bunch of Iron Born are being overwhelmed until it’s just Theon swinging wildly, which is also the current battle strategy of Ser Friendzone having to protect Khaleesi who apparently needed a breather and just FORGOT THE BATTLEFIELD IS FULL OF ZOMBIES.

OK GIRL.

Also RIP, Ser FZ. You never did get to lay that pipe.

❄️ We do another sweeping scene of Things Really Not Looking Good.

Heroes are getting overwhelmed but seem to still be standing, and my brain starts concocting wild theories about how this could end.

My favorite insane brain theory was someone suddenly figuring out dragon glass is actually dragon poop so the dragons would just need to poop all over the zombies instead.

BUT NO. That would be ridiculous.

Which brings us to:

❄️ Theon making the ultimate sacrifice after being told he is “A good man” by Bran.

I also want to remind you guys of something I’d forgotten, because Z and I actually watched the old episode where Theon takes Winterfell *from* Bran a million years back when Bran still had emotional range beyond that of an android.

He essentially forced Bran to give the castle over him, and starting A Lot of Shit.

I forgot that that had happened and it made the moment even more poignant.

RIP Theon, this was a great ending to your arc. You’re a good man, Charlie Brown.

❄️ AND THEN SUDDENLY, FROM THE BLEACHERS, ARYA STARK FLIES ACROSS THE FIELD FOR A GAME-WINNING TOUCHDOWN, BLOWING THE NIGHT KING’S BILLION TO ONE LEAD.

WHAT DO WE SAY TO THE MOTHERFUCKING GOD OF DEATH?

“I AM THAT BITCH.”

NIGHT KING BLOWS UP INTO CRUSHED ICE and a bunch of the dead die, actually.

I stood up and applauded.

❄️❄️ OK now I know there’s a lot of fussing about Arya being the one to do it but it, in fact, makes a TON of sense.❄️❄️

First, Bran gave her that knife LAST SEASON.

She’s the one who’s been closest to death for the longest, she had incredibly high level training *around* death.

She closes brown, green, and BLUEEE WINK WINK WINK eyes.

And we had that call-back to the god of death ALL THE WAY FROM THE FIRST SEASON.

Does it excuse Melly Sanders from stanning Stannis and by association Jon for that long? No.

Does it excuse her burning Shereen alive? Hell no.

But she figured it out eventually I guess, so now she’ll just expire because again — SHE HAS OUTLIVED HER PURPOSE.

❄️❄️ Is Arya Azor Ahai? Will the legions of Totally Not Misogynist fanboys be able to handle it? ❄️❄️

TUNE IN TO THE INTERNET THIS WEEK TO FIND OUT.

AND THEN NEXT WEEK TO FIGURE OUT WHAT HAPPENS WITH… CERSEI, I GUESS.

Because the ultimate game for the Iron Throne is BACK ON y’all.

The Tormund/Brienne and the Jamie/Brienne ships are STILL sailing.

Basically: I think we just need to stop thinking so hard and looking for everything to tie together super neatly.

We should let that be a job for the books from now on, because it is nigh on impossible to check every box for a TV show.

Final seasons are notoriously disappointing for the die-hards.

So let’s temper our expectations and see where this goes.

SEE Y’ALL IN KING’S LANDING.

Welp WE’RE BACK for another episode of Generational Healing, Sword Swapping, and Loving Storyline Resolution of Thrones.

Author’s note: For the past couple of seasons of GoT I’ve taken it upon myself to write recaps of each episode on Facebook. Upon request, I’ve posted them here to make them easier to share internet-wide.

While I’ll be honest that I come to the Seven Kingdoms every week in the hope my heartstrings will be actively tortured because this is what George RR’s storytelling has now trained me to believe good television is — I am now recalibrating my expectations so I won’t say too much about the fact some of last night felt a little corny though satisfying and will instead GET STRAIGHT INTO IT.

❄️ First, we’ve got Kingslayer Ser Jamie on deck with a Mia Culpa No Regretta attitude in front of the “last” Targaryen but don’t worry: his inter-seasonal Good Guy Actually PR campaign chickens are clearly coming home to roost.

Without even seeing the inside of the dungeon, people say some angry words and… he’s free.

OK fine. Bigger things at stake.

I DO have to appreciate that it was the two Queens doing all the talking and then the camera panned to Jon who I didn’t even realize was there.

I don’t even think *he* realized he was there. He’s just ready to rumble with some wights AND flex his emotional unavailability muscles because he’s clearly avoiding Dany like the plague.

❄️ Then comes ANOTHER super fast reconciliation by the Big Ol’ Creepy Tree:

“Hey Bran I was a bad person I’m sorry I knocked you out of the window so you wouldn’t tell on me for doin’ it doggie style with my full blood sister. Thanks for like, still not outing me btw.”

“It’s all good. I’m not even Bran anymore.”

“….”

“I did some high vibe personal development ayahuasca workshops beyond the Wall and now you should only call me by my Playa name, the Three Eyed Raven.”

“*backing away slowly* Uh huh OK kid uh… cool.”

❄️ Next let’s talk about that Sansa/Dany drama, the subplot I am TRULY LIVING FOR.

On the right, IN PARTNERSHIP WITH CHANEL, we have “My ex husband was taller” Dany.

On the left, IN PARTNERSHIP WITH GUCCI, we have “You wouldn’t have survived what I’ve survived” Sansa.

Blah blah they both love Jon but I stan my unwavering redhead Queen of The North where No Shit is Taken demanding her independence.

Come on Dany don’t be fucking rude, their LITERAL FAMILY CASTLE is being used to battle a zombie hoard. Maybe just be queen of the Six Kingdoms. Still sort of has a ring to it.

❄️ Meanwhile, Sam is also here for the dramZ.

“Did you tell her yet? Did you? No? I can, like, text her for you if you want.”

But no, for Jon the time is not right. It won’t be right until exactly 5 seconds before the white walkers come to play ball.

That’s a WAY better idea, don’t give her any time to digest and let her freak out for two separate reasons simultaneously while trying to keep a bunch of people and dreams of her Kingdom alive.

This is also where I notice a lot of people are talking about how save the Crypt is.

The crypt. Full of dead people.

I repeat: Dead people.

Hm yes. So safe.

Also is Gilly pregnant?? She looks pregnant!

❄️ Oh no Grey Worm is gonna die isn’t he. 😞

They’re having the “we’ll go live on a beach after this” talk. He’s a goner.

AND I’M ALREADY SAD.

Maybe Lyanna Mormont can become commander of the Unsullied. That little girl has big enough balls for the entire army.

YES FIERCE QUEEN, YOU PUT JORAH IN HIS PLACE. THINKIN’ HE CAN ROLL UP AND TRY TO PLAY THE OLDER COUSIN CARD.

BEGONE.

❄️ And then? AND THEN?? THAT THING HAPPENING WITH ARYA I MEAN OK.

Was kind of hoping for her to spend her last night talking shit to The Hound’s face but this also works I guess.

First of all big claps for MUTUAL ENTHUSIASTIC CONSENT. Feminism has arrived in the North and it tells you to take your own damn pants off. Here for it.

But I also feel like the writers added this in so Maisie Williams can move on into some Actual Adult Woman roles post-Thrones so she won’t always be known as Arya.

Still. We’ve known this character since she was like 10. Don’t get me wrong I’m proud of her for having such a great butt and side boob but I STILL FEEL WEIRD.

Gendry probably does too. Not to mention his three Girlfriends from Canada I mean Kings Landing. Boy did not know what hit him.

❄️ Battle plans, aka “We’re All Gonna Die” plans are coming together but the goal is to get to the Night King and Bran is going solo to set a trap with… Theon?!

Uhhhh, y’all sure about that?

Bran is like, the Brain Internet of Westeros. If he dies, all memories of men go with him. Theon is historically like… NOT great in a crisis, and terrible at protecting people. I guess we’re headed for a redemption death.

Look at that hug between him and Sansa. He’s absolutely gonna die.

Maybe he’s got some Drowned God magic there somewhere he can throw, idk.

Good luck bud, I’m rooting for you despite myself.

❄️ Speaking of track records, the writers also dedicated an entire subplot to Tyrion’s incompetence and whoaaa it took me a while to tally up all of his L’s across the seasons but MAN THEY’RE BAD.

Also I can see both Ser Friendzone and Dany failing People Management 101: JUST BECAUSE YOU LIKE THE GUY DOESN’T MEAN HE’S A FIT FOR THE TEAM.

He’s screwed up over and over again, from that time you left him in charge in Mereen where he got y’all invaded AND kept slavery around for 5 MORE YEARS, to his wight-napping plan getting Visirion zombie-fied, all the way to the most recent instance of trusting Cersei like a big ol dumbdumb.

At least demote him, sheesh.

But clearly Tyrion has the same PR firm on retainer as Jaime because Ser FZ is like “He’s still my dude tho.”

❄️ AND THENNNNN fear not because the Night’s Watch stragglers have returned and among them is Big Ginger Daddy TORMUND *air horns*

First words out of his mouth “Where’s the big woman.”

SHE’S RIGHT THERE BB, GO FLEX ON HER.

… wait no not like that. #giantstittymilk

❄️ And now we’ve got a bunch of beloved characters in a circle getting drunk and OH GOODNESS IS THAT A KNIGHTING?!

My girl BriBri finally getting her due. That actress is amazing. Her tears. Jamie’s face. My heart.

This is basically probably as close as we’re gonna get to a love scene between them and instead it’s more of an honor scene and IT IS THE MOST ON BRAND.

HE WANT TO FIGHT IN HER ARMY TOO. My heart!!

Also look at Tormund’s happy face!! He’s so rustic he doesn’t even experience petty jealousy. I live. Wildlings are so progressive, I bet he’d high-five Arya and slap Gendry on the ass too if he found them. Fuck tradition indeed, fam.

Tormund/Onion Knight 2020.

❄️ Sex God Pod aka Pippin from LOTR layin down the battle hymn while everyone looks pensive.

Dude it’s so crazy to see all these characters together. I would’ve willingly sat through an entire episode exclusively of the group by the fire.

We’re definitely gonna see a bunch of this group die soon.

❄️ Oh god Jon, TIMING.

Jon: “Hi this Aunt is actually my mom and her and my dad loved each other so I’m technically the heir now.”

Dany: *blank stare of shock and horror*

Jon: Surprise I’m the king but will provide you with no reassurances or contingency plan because I’m more the silent type.

Dany: ?!?!?!??????!???

Jon: K gotta go fight now, maybe die. L8R!

~~~OK that’s all I got for now so here are some predictions ~~~

❄️ Undead Starks are gonna chow down on some women and children in the SUPER SAFE CRYPTS.
❄️ Gendry, Brienne, Tormund, and Grey Worm are gonna die spectacularly. Maybe Jaime holds Brienne while she passed on.
❄️ Arya and The Hound will take on the undead almost singlehandedly
❄️ We’re in for a LONG ASS BATTLE SEQUENCE. The longest in television history. Buckle in babes.

HERE WE GOOO. THE WIGHTS ARE AT THE GATES.

GAME TIME.

And WE! ARE! BACK!

Author’s note: For the past couple of seasons of GoT I’ve taken it upon myself to write recaps of each episode on Facebook. Upon request, I’ve posted them here to make them easier to share internet-wide.

*~*~* GAME OF THRONES RECAP POST *~*~*

(That felt great to type.)

First of all: LET’S HEAR IT FOR THAT INTRO SEQUENCE MAKEOVER BUDGET.

The minute I saw the big ol’ Hole in the Wall I was clutching my chest.

We’re back fam, and the times they are a chaaaanginnn’.

This episode brought you Exposition and Speedy Resolution of Thrones as we had exactly 3 minutes per character to get 99% of the loose ends from last season tied up, so let’s focus on that:

❄️ First, nice callback to Arya running through the crowd to see the army coming to Winterfell in S1.

I dunno why she didn’t shout at John though. She looked all bummed when he didn’t notice her.

GIRL YOU’RE STANDING IN THE PEASANT RECEIVING LINE OF CRANKY SILENCE, JUST SAY SOMETHING.

I appreciated her reunion with The Hound though. They both got to try and out-tough-guy each other and Hound got to imply he was proud of his little murder baby in his own way. My heart!

The John reunion was just as good. I teared up seeing them hug each other!

Also: ARYA AND GENDRY. Do I ship it? Is she too young? Does being an assassin cause you to mature faster? Probably?

WHO CARES, IT’S GoT!

❄️ I feel like this is as cute as we’re gonna see John and Dany before their relationship goes south and I’m ok with that.

Y’all saw my thoughts on that dragon ride last night and I feel no different this morning.

I also appreciate the way they’re positioning Dany as problematic in the north. Like, can you imagine?

John: “Hello yes I was stabbitied many times by some jerks at the Night’s Watch but I am ok now.”

The Lords of the North: “You’re a good dude you should probably be our king. Those other guys were dicks.”

J: “Ok I am reluctant to do this because I am such a good dude but you have convinced me.”

*6 months later*

J: “LOOK I FOUND Y’ALL A NEW QUEEN also we’re banging and has never been here but I think she is very nice ACCEPT HER NOW.”

TLOTN: “No thank you.”

J: 😦

Yikes.

Also unrelated but how does politics work with this? Couldn’t John still be king/warden of the north with Dany on the throne? Wasn’t that always how it worked? The Starks and their fur NFL linebacker coats were set to guard Winterfell forever and always?

❄️ Theon saving Yara with Iron Islands Seal Team 6 in 2.5 seconds.

Yessss!

Turns out when Wardrobe Sponsored-by-Diesel Euron heads off to bang a queen his security really lapses. Guess that’s what you get for cutting out everyone’s tongues.

All it took was one punch in the face and they were back to old times. I feel we can all learn something from Westerosi inter-familial-trauma conflict resolution.

I also sincerely hope we get more Yara. WE STAN A HYPER COMPETENT QUEEN.

❄️ Speaking of hyper-competent, MY GIRL SANSA, Our Lady of Underestimation I mean Side Eye I mean The North.

She not only delivered some real talk to Tyrion, but also she gets props for being the only one demanding answers to how they’re supposed to handle this Great War logistically.

What’s the equivalent of Excel in the Seven Kingdoms because I felt like she was about to whip out a spreadsheet laying out the enormous gaps in their plans.

Too bad no one would listen but Sam, probably.

Also way to out-Tyrion Tyrion. Are they still married? I still ship it.

“I used to think you were the cleverest man alive.”

You right girl, you right. Captain Drinking and Knowing Things has been off his game. I think it’s the lack of blonde highlights mop top haircut from season 1 that was giving him all those powers of deduction. BRING IT BACK!

❄️ Now onto Dany.

Ughhhh Dany Dany Dany we’ve gotta work on your brand positioning strategy.

Riding in with dragons overhead is awesome but also SCARY. If you don’t wanna be a queen who rules by fear, idk, have the dragons drop baskets of flower petals or something?

Not to mention answering Sansa’s COMPLETELY REASONABLE AND SENSIBLE QUESTION “What do dragon’s eat anyway?” with a dry “Whatever they want…”

… BECAUSE I HAVE A FEELING THAT INCLUDES PEOPLE?! DID ANYONE SEE THE BURNED ARM IN THAT PILE OF ASH BEFORE THE I CAN SHOW YOU THE WORLD DRAGON FLIGHT SEQUENCE?

FUCK! NOT A GOOD LOOK.

That said, she’s about to get the bomb dropped on her that all hard work literally crucifying people was for nothing so I feel for her.

❄️ Samwell Tarley hearing the news about his family hurt my whole heart.

Not just because he’s a great actor but because even though he was treated horribly by his family he’s still loyal to them because he’s a good and tender spirit. I hope he makes it to the end of the series, I’m always rooting for him. 💕

❄️ JON OR SHOULD I SAY AEGON got the bomb dropped in him hella quick — I thought they would’ve drawn that out for at least one more episode but so be it.

It was a very “John is Startled” moment but I wonder where this is going.

I feel like he could be like “Yo so I’m the king but we make great sex so what do you say we unite and get married then you can do the ruling stuff and I can stare off into the distance and brood because it’s my fave.”

Of course it’s never that simple and $50 says Tyrion’s gonna be like “You should probably kill him.” Because all that burninating by the dragons has clearly singed his hippocampus.

Also: radical idea. Go send a dragon to pick up another wight from Dead Army’s to-go window and plop him in front of the Lords of Winterfell.

That should unite folks pretty fast. #creativesolutions

❄️ BRAN BRAN THE SNEAKY MAN. Did they really have to make him sit and stare from his chair that many times though?

Also, can he move himself in that chair or does he just sit there day and night in order to bring the drama? You’d think as the three eyed raven he’d have a better sense of people’s arrival time.

Man, the young Starks sure are good with that android face. Arya’s got it down pat too.

That said: AHHHH JAIME. BUSTED. I can’t wait to see that convo.

I also feel like Bran needs to get all the power players in the room and lay out what’s happening. This trickle of information isn’t efficient when you’re the only one in the Seven Kingdoms with brain internet.

❄️ Cersei ughhh.

The Golden Company subplot is technically cool (also entertaining to hear a character explain elephants were literally not in the show budget) but this baby thing and Euron thing is terribly boring already.

I hope she gets up to her old tricks soon and get some better dialogue, she’s my favorite baddie. Contrastingly, Euron is my least fave.

Also it will never not make me chuckle the way the writers have to plan around her and the actor who plays Bron refuse to be in the same room ever.

I also don’t think there’s a chance in hell he’d kill Tyrion or Jamie. They’re bros! And Bron is self interested, but he abides by Bro Code.

❄️ And finally: MY BB TORMUND IS STILL ALIVE AND RUNNING THE WESTEROSI TRUE DETECTIVE SQUAD.

That dead kid scream will stick with me in my nightmares for some time. RIP house Umber.

Also… if they’re *behind* the army of the dead… could they hypothetically just stay there? Do the dead come back up north after they kill everyone or do they stay where it’s warm and retire?

The world may never know.

I’d never told this story publicly — let alone onstage in front of 130 people…

… But as soon as I did, my knees turned near-liquid with relief.

I was speaking at The Copywriter Club IRL 2019 conference with a talk called From Nothing to Something: How to turn your ideas, point of view, and personal philosophies into profitable products.

I’ve been teaching marketing from the stage for years, but this talk was something special — because it gave me time and space to riff on my absolute favorite thing to do in business: teach people how to design, test, and sell new weird, and wonderful ideas.

But it came at a cost for me (as all the best talks do)…

I had to be up front about something I hadn’t discussed openly before.

Namely: the mistakes I made launching my first big, beautiful idea into the world — a.k.a. The Wordshops, my copywriting courses for unconventional entrepreneurs.

As a bit of background, The Wordshops were a labor of love that took me three years, 10 team members, and $10,000 to build.

To this day, it’s a project I’m insanely proud of bringing to life.

The experience taught me a ton, and the courses have helped students from around the world reimagine not just their Home, About, Sales page copy and messaging, but their entire businesses too.

However, this course also set the stage for some of my greatest missteps.

You see, from day 1 of dreaming up the concept, to interviewing potential customers, to spending hours editing the modules and busting my butt to get everything “just right”, I assured myself these courses would be it for me.

My trap door out of the constant grind of day to day client work.

My source of *~*~*passive income*~*~*.

The Thingie I Would Finally, Totally Build a Funnel Around.

That’s probably why, as I stood on stage earlier this month, I needed to take a deep breath and tell the truth about what happened,

While they were by all measures a success both financially and personally… I also made a rookie mistake along the way:

I went too hard, too fast.

To be fair, my intentions were good. I had a vision of creating a copywriting course so in-depth, so incredible, so everything-you-need, people wouldn’t need to buy another copy-related program ever again.

With that goal in my mind, OF COURSE it had to be picture-perfect on launch day.

However, there was one little fact I wasn’t accounting for…

… This was my first product launch ever. And what we do so easily for clients is so much harder to to do for ourselves, despite what we might assume given our experience levels.

I should have been walking. But I decided to sprint.

So, why didn’t anyone tell me to reign it in? Well… they did. Often.

Smart, experienced colleagues and clients gave me the advice to start smaller and simplify…

To scale back on client work before I tried to go full-time selling my course…

To not give people eeeverything I had…

And of course I effectively ignored, uh, all of it.

After all, I’d done my due diligence, right?

I’d interviewed customers, packed everything they asked for and more into the course, sent the course to beta readers for thumbs-up/thumbs-down, and tested it in groups of 6–8 awesome beta students not once, but twice.

I even had the perfect lead magnet for it — a 5 day challenge around (what else?) blog writing.

This was it. I had a great game plan. I’d checked all the boxes. This was my unsinkable ship, and it was too big to fail.

Sure, I was busting my booty to make it happen, but that’s just the way I do things, baby. Go huge or go home.

Buuuuut as it turns out, wise people give wise advice for a reason.

Because as a result of all the time, effort, effort, and cash I invested… I completely burned myself out on the first launch.

Whoa — juggling a full plate of client work, wrangling a team of 10 to produce a course, and launching it singlehandedly can wear even a hardcore hustler out!? Who knew!

And, while I’d initially envisioned myself doing a massive launch every quarter, I was now faced with two big problems:

1. I was tired.
2. After a great initial launch and a few live rounds … I didn’t shrink my client workload in the way I’d intended in order to make room to scale.

For a while, I convinced myself I could still make it all work because in some ways it felt like hitting the lottery.

“ I have a course that fills up every time I launch it, and people still buy the DIY version when I’m not running it live!? Surely I can kinda sorta balance alongside client work? Why wouldn’t I want to make All the Moneys?!”

But it turned out, my “trap door” out of client work was more of a plain ol’ trap.

My workload gave me no space to turn the funnel evergreen — and as a result of that and my burnout, my launch cycle vision went unrealized.

After a few months, I decided to put any formal promotion or funnels “on ice” while I recovered.

… And thats’ where they’ve stayed ever since.

I can see now that while The Wordshops were a damn good, much-loved idea?

They weren’t a fit for the reality of my business when they were built.

They were a fit for the vision of the business I intended to build — a vision that has now, for all intents and purposes, gone unrealized and faded away to make room for something WAY more awesome.

As a result, I can’t help as many people as I want to with them in their current form.

And the truth is? As awesome as these courses are, they’re just not the right fit for where my business is going.

So this is my announcement: as of April 2nd 2019, I’m officially pulling The Wordshops offline.

The good news is, you can still get your hands on the DIY versions from now ’til then for a crazy awesome closing price of $297.

(The original price point was $497, so get it while it’s hot y’all!)

While some of the content will live on in other forms to help more people on bigger scale, this is your chance to get the DIY Wordshops in all their four module + editable workbooks + video training majesty.

Already have access to The Wordshops? Don’t worry, your access will remain open permanently.

Mind you: I’m not doing this because The Wordshops aren’t selling anymore.

(They are — and I’ve also had customers tell me it is, hands down, the best copywriting course they’ve ever taken.)

This isn’t because I’m not proud of the content.

(I am. I busted my butt to make it a top tier offer — like, dissertation-level-copywriting tier. To date I still think it’s the best thing I’ve ever made.)

This isn’t because some Winds of Woo cried out that The Wordshops didn’t serve my soul anymore or whatevs.

(They’re my heart’s work — me, pouring my entire process out of my hands and onto paper.)

It’s because sometimes, to get where we’re going and start climbing our next mountain, we have to lighten the load, and leave a few things behind.

One truth that gets pounded into the head of every creative is that for every Very Good Idea we have, a hundred Pretty Good Ideas must get left in the dust.

And to be honest? This “kill your darlings” philosophy is my least favorite part of this gig — but also the most necessary.

Because while it’s easy to kill off a bad, half-baked idea, it takes a lot of self-reflection and heartache to bury a good one that just isn’t meant to follow us into our next evolution.

We’ve gotta teach ourselves to take the lessons we’ve learned and move along.

Just like yourself, I’ve got a graveyard littered with dead darlings, including:

Youngblood Collective, a mastermind for young creatives starting online business.

The Naked Launch, a totally transparent launch funnel where I let readers in on the back end of what I was sending/creating when, and why. (Long story, but I might still do this one.)

An encouragement coloring book for entrepreneurs feeling down in the dumps.

A concept for digital immersion theatre mapped out in a forgotten notebook somewhere on my bookshelf.

Each and every one of these ideas were blessed and buried because they were too unwieldy to take with me, or they were intended for a different time in my business, and weren’t a fit for the things I really wanted to do and the people I really wanted to help in the present and near-future.

The good news is, all of this has taught me the most valuable lesson I’ve ever learned in business, which I shared with that audience of 130 people:

There is so much more to be gained — and presumably, fewer darlings to kill — when you hold your ideas lightly.

That’s why, for every concept I’ve launched since The Wordshops, my approach has been completely different.

I start small and simple with low up-front costs, which gives the concepts space to grow and evolve into the best versions of themselves according to both the needs of my audience, and the needs of my growing business.

It’s a principle I live by and swear by, and share with my students too.

This doesn’t just allow me to create and sell more, but allows me to fit new offers and concepts I’m crazy excited for into the ecosystem of my business in the present… instead of trying to build some monster offer for a vision of my business 6 months from now — provided everything goes perfectly, of course(which it never does.)

And hey, my loss is your gain. The Wordshops are on awesome sale right now until I pull the plug next Tuesday.

So if you want to get your hands on this course that contains essentially my entire approach to copywriting?

This is your moment.

But until then, I want you to remember without a shadow of a doubt:

It’s OK to start simple and small with your ideas (especially when they’re awesome) to make sure they’re a fit for where you are, and where you’re going.

It’s OK to roll out high quality content without perfectly polished design in the name of figuring out what will work, and what won’t.

And it is OK to kill your darlings to make space for what’s to come — no matter how beautiful, well-built, and badass they might be.

If you’ve made mistakes like the ones I did in this story? Be proud.

This is all part of the journey.

Learning how to build ideas from daydream to launch, and how to accept when they’re not working and/or in need of reshaping makes you a smarter, battle-tested business owner, and a better creative and teacher all around.

I know you’ve got a million brilliant ideas in your head. Some will live. Some will die. Some will weigh heavy on you while others expand.

But what matters most is that you take each as an opportunity to learn how and why ideas work for you, so you can make smarter, faster decisions down the line as you and your business grows and scales into evolutions of itself you can barely imagine now.

Because that’s what this whole being-creative-for-money thing has always been about, anyway.

So good luck. Godspeed.

And go lightly.

PS.

If you’ve made it to the end and need the link again, The Wordshops are now on closing sale for $297 each. Get ’em before I shut down on April 2nd.

If you’ve already purchased The Wordshops, fear not! Your access will remain open permanently.

The summer of 1997 was perhaps the most frustrating of my (then extremely short) life.

My siblings, cousins and I were spending a winding few months at my grandparent’s straight-out-of-a-storybook house in Sussex, England.

However, despite all the usual delectable grandmotherly-made meals and enchanted back garden hideaways — I was eight years old and grumpy AF.

What I know now is that I was stuck in that strange period of being “too old” for adults to intentionally lose foot races to me or gasp in awe of my terrible drawings, and “too young” to be genuinely good at… anything.

Between struggling to keep up with my big sister in my grandmother’s porcelain painting classes, and being repeatedly slaughtered in Nintendo 64 Super Smash Bros battles against my big brother and cousin, I eventually burst out in teary frustration one day:

“STOPPPP! My hands can’t do that yet!”

Ah, the perils of being the youngest child.

The truth was, I was lacking wunderkind-level fine motor control. But when you’re a kid, you can’t reframe a lack of experience or natural talent into a learning opportunity. You just feel like you’ll be left behind forever.

And I hated it.

There was nothing I could do about the painting. My sister’s came out beautifully every time. Clean, curving lines that eased into stunning floral motifs. Just the right amount of paint. No smudges. Meanwhile, my tiny hands shook, smudged, and globbed. (I gave up after two days.)

But I was fed up. I was going to beat someone at something, fair and square.

The only question was: How?

Then, one rare day at home alone while the others were out, I switched on the N64 and scrolled through the Super Smash Bros menu settings.

The booming voice exploded out of the TV with the option I’d selected: “TRAINING MODE”.

I sat down, and for 2–3 hours, I sent my chosen character (Kirby) to attack incredibly slow-moving opponents, testing out moves and button combinations on my controller.

Bit by bit, the motions became familiar, as I began to train the muscle memory in my hands.

I remember feeling startled by the ease; how I suddenly didn’t have to think as hard, and could move faster and make deadly decisions in a split second.

Then, the sound of a car scraping through the driveway and my brother running through the foyer meant my time was up.

The playroom door burst open: “It’s my turn now!”

He snatched the controller out of my hands and rapidly moved to set up a battle between him, my sister, and my cousin.

“Ew, training mode?” he asked after spotting how I’d been playing. “That’s so boring.”

My brother is the kindest, most patient person on earth — but kids will be kids.

I (probably) punched him in the arm and ran out of the room.

For the rest of the summer, however, I’d play in training mode when the others weren’t around.

I was fascinated by the way the controller became familiar in my hands until the movements became second nature, and the things I learned about Kirby’s skills and limitations with enough practice.

Sure, I could fly away from opponents… but if I wasn’t careful when I tried to slug them with a hammer, or turn into a brick and drop on top of them? I could send myself to an untimely death by crashing down the side of the screen.

As the weeks went on, I began to feel calmer and more focused during battles, instead of shrieking protestations against the merciless teasing of my siblings (and when I became a better fighter, the teasing stopped too.)

And eventually, before the summer was out… I beat the big kids a few times.

While you wouldn’t expect a video game from the late 90’s to teach such a valuable life lesson, I’ve been obsessed with training mode ever since.

Don’t get me wrong: I still hate being new or bad at things. (Which sucks, since I’m not naturally talented at much.)

I still fail a lot. (I never got good at porcelain painting, no matter how many summers my grandmother tried to teach me.)

There are still a wide range of things that will never be “my thing”.

But what remains true is my knowledge that if I just have the patience to sit with something enough, and practice, practice, practice?

Eventually I’ll figure it out, start getting it right, and — most importantly — begin to understand it on another level.

As I grew older, the power of “training mode” showed up everywhere; in the plays I performed and dance classes I took in high school and middle school, in my study habits in college, in the way I learned do my makeup and hair, even in the way I work out (shout out to Couch to 5k for being the ultimate “training mode” for newbie runners convinced they hate running).

And in business? It’s the reason I…

• Offered my clients their first service free when I was starting out. (Not always the best idea, but it worked out even so.)
• Tested out my intensive day rates in 2014 with existing clients for two months before offering them to new faces
• Completed two full beta test rounds of my Wordshops course before launching it
• Ran private hot seat coaching for clients for almost two years before bringing it to you inside The Lightning Rounds
• Served up The Statement Piece Framework for free
• Always spend weeks preparing and practicing my talks with my coach.
• Offered up no less than 20 Statement Piece Session coaching/consulting spots at a much lower rate before revealing the service to the wider world.

That’s what “training mode” looks like for me as an entrepreneur.

It keeps me flexible enough to ditch the stuff that doesn’t work (like my grandma trying to turn me into a porcelain painter), and deepen my knowledge to maximize what does (like helping Kirby kick butt).

It gives me space to shape ideas and build my muscle memory, while also opening a channel for customer feedback.

It takes the pressure off, and gives me space to prove to myself that something works (that way when it comes promo time, I’m not just pulling sassy one-liners out of my butt.)

And while it doesn’t soak up all of the imposter syndrome, or all of pre-launch, “will-people-like-this?!?!” jitters? It does get rid of ~95% of ‘em.

But when it comes to my brand of training mode in business, some entrepreneurs have the same reaction my big brother did: “Ew.”

This is not to say all of their offers go untested, but I have been teased by my peers for:

• Running too many test rounds
• Pricing my “practice mode” too low
• Spending too much time trying to double and triple check myself, I’m exhausted before I even launch

And honestly? There’s validity to that criticism.

While I’ll never boldly launch largely-untested $10k+ products based on my confidence and track record alone, there comes a moment when we must dare to step out of training mode, and jump into battle in the real world, too.

That’s a moment that sometimes passes me by once, twice, even three times before I feel ready to step out — so it’s important to remember that training mode also requires clear parameters and a “stop” point, or else you’ll test and tweak yourself into paralysis.

However, while most entrepreneurs know testing is the right thing to do we often have dreams so large and visions so big, building in time for training mode can feel like a burden.

But I want to launch this now…

But I want to be first to market…

But I’ve sunk so much cash into this already I need to make my money back…

I get it, I do. The fact I routinely write most of my blogs in about 2 hours and hit “Publish” immediately is a testament to this.

Especially if you’re working on your first product or signature offer, it can feel like the best path is to build as well as you can, go straight to branding and launching so you can rake in the cash, and then make the fixes on the back end if you need ‘em.

But training mode gives you something quick money in the bank can’t: priceless confidence, a stronger “experienced expert” muscle, and guaranteed value and solutions for your market — which in turn helps you bolster a great reputation (which, let’s be real, is priceless).

As an added bonus, there are ways to keep training mode low cost for your business, and stillmake money. For example, you can:

• Offer a minimum viable product first (← buzzword of the year right there.) Basically: the most basic, easy-to-build version of your new offer that allows you to test and get feedback on the idea
• Run a short, lower-cost beta round of your course or program. (This you can teach live, record, transcribe, and turn into an evergreen product, too.)
• Open 60-minute consult call spots to clients around the problem you’re trying to solve to gather intel, test your skill set and theories, and put some cash in your pocket.

Even better? These training mode options keep the first runs of your ideas low-pressure, and are also typically FAR quicker to launch than, say, a fully-branded signature offer or course.

So if you’ve got a big idea stirring?

Consider building up your muscle memory, clarity, and confidence first.

Consider testing small and fast so you can launch BIG.

Consider giving yourself space to find the fat that needs to be cut, and the best stuff worth expanding on.

Consider training mode.

It’s that time of year again: twinkling holiday displays, commercials trying to convince you a brand new leased Toyota makes a sensible gift, and (in my corner of the internet) an incoming tidal wave of “HOW TO HIT YOUR 2019 GOALS” emails.

I don’t know about y’all — but that final internet holiday tradition usually sends a surge of panic through my bloodstream.

“Oh shit. 2018 is over?!?!”

*Takes a fearful sip of seltzer*

“I never wrote my book/launched my signature product/lost those 30 pounds/finished my rebrand. Damnit.”

*Looks out over the expanse of her desk littered with post-it notes and soy sauce packets*

“OK. Maybe this year?”

And the answer is: well, probably not.

Most years I picture myself becoming this wholesome, slim, organized, clear-skinned goddess of Doing Things by the following December. (Don’t forget to schedule in time for fun, ladies!)

But let’s face it: between the Say Yes to the Dress marathons and the varying forms of fried potatoes and cheap beer I consume, I’m basically a sentient trash receptacle beyond redemption.

That’s not to say I’m not an achiever… I’m just more Shrek than Prima Ballerina when it comes to my journey to my goals.

The good news is, the internet’s legions of coaches, productivity experts, and advisors have lined up a laundry lists of “# steps” and productivity hacks to heal my sorry affliction.

And you know what? That’s pretty awesome of them.

There are folks out there who get a ton of value from these varying strategies. People who actually use them for the entire year.

… Buuuuut then there are people like me:

People who spend $50 on an ultra fancy planner they’re convinced is The Cure for All Ills… only to use it for exactly 3 weeks and forget about. #toalltheplannersI’velovedbefore (Thanks brain, you’re the best).

People who write affirmations on post it notes, and reminders to “systematize’ and “delegate!”… and do neither.

And people who tend to throw their entire bodies after their goals, instead of spacing them out into “easy daily action steps”… so we flame out in spectacular fashion, despite the fact we actually got The Thing done.

Intellectually, we know what to do.

It’s reality we struggle with.

If this was a few years ago I’d find a way to frame this with a cool word like “goal rebel”, but deep down was this burning fear I was pursuing my dreams incorrectly.

Nothing gets my imposter syndrome throbbing like the sound of other people’s perfect systems and processes and color-coded calendars.

It’s like high school — but instead of being envious of the tan, tall, skinny girls whose mothers let them hem their uniform skirts to a flattering short length, I’m jealous of people’s fit, orderly-looking brains.

Which is probably why, back in 2017, I went to war against… myself.

I’d been floundering for 2–3 years to create my course between client work.

Clearly, I was failing and I needed to be fixed.

So, feeling enormous levels of guilt at my own inability to finish the job (and also a genuinely healthy desire to create something that was truly mine) I decided that year that I would be that Ruthless Goal Getter I always wanted, and achieve This Thing.

I tried to follow the “daily small steps” advice I’d always heard about, and made it as simple as I could.

1 hour a day until it was done. That was the rule.

And it worked! I tested the course, got it through production, launched it, and sold the crap out of it.

But while I was able to achieve my goal, I forgot about, uh, everything else that was important in my life.

My health, my loved ones, my non-work related pathways to satisfaction, and going outside to remember birds are real things and not just sound effects in movies all took a backseat for the entire year.

Worse, when people raised concerns about it, I hit ’em right back.

I had a colleague tell me it was possible to make the things I wanted to make without frying myself in the process and I looked at her like she had three heads.

Nope. Uh uh. You’re not going to distract me — I won’t be dragged down to “lazy level”.

Couldn’t people see I was trying to be A Good Entrepreneur? Didn’t they know that this was what it takes?

Why weren’t they proud of me? Look, I’m one of THEM . A sacred doer. I’m basically the Oracle of Delphi now . Who needs advice on crushing their goal while I struggle to keep my eyes open???

I am DOING THE THING. Anoint me, internet! What can I achieve next year??

Then, one sleep walking episode and months of miserable dry-mouthed burnout later, by December 2017 I knew it couldn’t continue.

As I dragged my limp body into 2018, for the first time ever, I had no “real” goals to speak of.

I attended no free goal-setting workshops. I attempted no productivity hacks. I just wanted to rest.

(Which, ironically, I am also bad enough at that it required practice.

My initial idea of “resting” was stopping outside projects but keeping my crazy client workload, and buying Beach Body’s TurboFire HIIT workout videos. It took me months to really scale back.)

So, for the first time in years, instead of setting work goals for the year — that I would either fail at, or hurt myself achieving — I decided on a few gentle ideas that had little to do with “crushing”, “slaying”, or “grinding”.

I decided to get support and stop doing this stuff all by myself. At one point this year I had no less than 3 coaches behind me.

I decided to take every weekend and government holiday off — a first for me in 7 years.

I decided I was going to travel more — and go far, far away for more than 3 days at a time.

I decided I was going to clear the space it took to work on my physical and mental game, even if that meant parting ways with clients I genuinely loved.

I decided I wasn’t going to commit to any big promises, launches, or products. I’d only do what was easy and fun, and what I could complete within a week or so if I felt inspired. If I didn’t have the energy to do it, I wasn’t gonna force it.

I wish I could nobly say this was a conscious effort to Live My Best Life, but it was a genuine Hail Mary toss.

I’d spent years weighing my value against the sum of my achievements, and while it had brought me success, it had also turned me into a tight little knot of self-comparing raw nerves.

I wanted to test the theory my friend had posed to me — to see what happens when I don’t push and shove myself or let my teeth chatter with guilt about the things I have yet to do, and instead lean back and say que sera sera in the face of #girlboss and #hustle culture.

And guys. Guys. It worked just fine.

While I didn’t design a course, write a book, or create a signature program this year, I did about 100 other Damn Interesting Things.

I was somehow able to convince my favorite person in the world to spend the rest of his awesome life with me.

I wandered the streets of Tokyo, Barcelona, Paris, and (randomly enough) Winnipeg, Canada with some of my favorite people.

I went out to long dinners with friends, which eventually turned into an incredibly silly “talk show”.

I leisurely shaped my rebrand into Statement Piece Studio with a casual 2019 launch date.

I sat down in a whirlwind of inspiration and created The Statement Piece Framework, and later The Lightning Rounds coaching hot seats.

I wound up speaking on stages in New York City, Indiana, Florida, and Colorado.

I launched consulting services and sold out spots without so much as a landing page.

All this without a planner or color-coded calendar to speak of.

It wasn’t all perfect. I had to let some projects pass me by. I didn’t end up losing the 30 pounds I wanted to. Some days I lost the battle against my workaholism and still wound up at my laptop ’til 10 PM.

But by treating these priorities as gentle ideas instead of set-in-stone commitments, I could allow all of that to be OK, too.

So what I’m getting at is this: If the yearly onslaught of “HOW TO HIT YOUR GOALS” advice hasn’t worked for you yet?

Maybe it’s time to let it go.

What if instead of guiltily trying to whip yourself into shape, you took a break this year just to see what happens when you do?

What if you asked yourself:

How can I have more fun?

How can I relax more?

How can I make more space?

How can I put these big, heavy projects on hold, and travel lightly toward my dreams instead?

What’s gonna feel good?

Then, go try that out. You don’t have to make a single promise to me, or to yourself — just keep your eyes open and see what unfolds.

Success can be overrated in so many ways.

But you know what always lives up to the hype?

Happiness.

So why not pursue more of that in 2019?

Confessions of a failed goal-getter was originally published in Startups & Venture Capital on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.