For the longest time, I kept the truth about my breakup hidden behind a well-rehearsed lie. Whenever anyone asked, I’d smile and say, “It ended on good terms. His family moved to the States, and long distance just wasn’t practical .” I said it so many times, I began to believe it myself. And sure, that part’s true — his family did move — but it’s only half the truth. I just didn’t want to be another Nairobi cliché.

The truth? I stayed with him for three years, convinced I knew him, trusted him. Until the first time I walked into his apartment and found him in bed with his ex. Her red and pink French tips scratching down his back. I remember every agonizing detail like it’s seared into my mind, though I wish I didn’t. What came next was the worst part — the casual, almost smug way he looked at me and said, “It’s not cheating if it’s your ex.” Bro I gasped….

I don’t know what’s worse, the gaslighting or my vivid imagination that I remember every single detail to date. And you know what? I didn’t leave. I wish I could say I stormed out, that I stood up for myself then and there. But I stayed. I stayed because it was easier to cling to the familiar than face of the unknown. I stayed because somehow, this mess of a relationship felt safer than starting over. Better the devil you know, than another round of awkward talking stages.

Therapy helped, but I didn’t go because of him — not at first. I went because I realized I wasn’t just fighting him; I was fighting the years of unresolved issues that came before him. He just brought them all to the surface. Every time it happened again — and yes, it did happen again — I told myself I’d leave. But I didn’t, not until I couldn’t even look at him without feeling disgust.They say you don’t leave until you’re completely repulsed by the person you once loved. And they’re right. That’s when I finally walked away.

Sometimes I wonder what would’ve happened if I left after the first betrayal. Would I have saved myself the pain, or would I still have ended up here, haunted by what I tolerated for far too long? I guess we’ll never know, and that’s what keeps me up at night.