My dearest abuser,

First off, thank you.

Thank you for making me a strong woman, you’ve empowered me. Thank you for giving me a voice. Thank you for showing me how you don’t treat someone when you “love them”. Lastly, thank you for letting me leave.

No kind of abuse is easier to overcome; they are all unbearably destructive on their own. You chose to abuse me in multiple ways, depending on your mood of course, and it didn't help that I was not only naive but vulnerable.

When loved ones told me that the first time you slammed my face into the passenger window wouldn’t be the last, I chose not to listen. When loved ones told me that the first time you humiliated and belittled me wouldn’t be the last, I chose to downplay the extent of our issues. When loved ones told me that the first time you threw my things across the room in a rage and kicked me out of the house at two in the morning wouldn’t be the last, I chose to forgive you, because it was easier than being without you. But I know better now.

I know that even though I loved you unconditionally, you will never be the person you claimed to be — the person I needed you to be. But that’s okay. Shortly after I summed up the courage to leave you, I met the man of my dreams.

So thank you, for proving to me time and time again that you are undeserving to me. For two years, I depended on and confided in you and for two years, you let me down. You constantly proved to me with your words and your fists; you are weak. I suppose I was weak too, for giving you the power to manipulate every aspect of my being, but I’m not weak anymore.

Ironically, leaving you was harder than any physical or emotional trauma you put me through. Being independent again was like a foreign language to me. I felt utterly ashamed telling my family and friends why you were no longer around. Digging up my self-worth was burdensome. Even though you hurt me mercilessly, I still loved you. I loved how it felt waking up in the mornings seeing your face and the sound of your laugh. You were a tough chapter to close.

Nonetheless, it’s true; time heals all wounds. It took a couple of dismal months to feel like myself again, and I’ll admit, sometimes it feels like I’m still trying to find the rest of it. However, I am a firm believer in the saying: “Everything happens for a reason.”

You made it near impossible to love again, but I am so thankful for it. The first person I loved after you deserves me entirely, and more; like you never did. He appreciates my flaws and loves me in a way that I am free. He can’t bear the thought of knowing that what you did to me was real, and the first time I told him about you, he held me tight when my eyes filled with tears. When a good memory of you and I arises in conversation, he replies “I love when you tell me about the good times you two shared because I get peace of mind knowing he didn’t hurt you all the time.” That’s the kind of love, I needed all along.

Best wishes,

Kayla