Hello 25 year old Alize,
This is 20 year old Alize. :)
Whats up?!
First of all, did you grow you hair yet? Is it as long as you butt yet or did you cut it cause if you did… -_- WHY?!!! currently you dying for long hair, your putting every oil on it, every freaking thing on it to make it grow and i swear if you have short hair you might as well just shave your head cause thats it!!
Also. Did you lose weight? Did you gain weight. Look either way your beautiful okay? I mean thats what you best friends say and I think they're on to something. You might as well believe those little bumpkins.
Are you still jogging? Do you swim or nah? Start swimming agaiiiin!!

… If your married though, Is he nice? are you guys friends. If he’s not nice tell him to read this. Tell him to be nice to you cause you’r really sensitive and probably a little insecure. Do you still talk about Feminism and equality and human rights and rape jokes and peace?? I hope you do. well over here theres alot of buzzkill. lots of people pretty much think your a bitchy man hater. And no, your not. you were not at 20 and your not right now. Your just speaking up. Dont stop speaking up okay?

well over here lizzie, your mostly very sad. you dont understand why your anxious like this but you are. Your scared cause you were forced to take a gap year after alevels and all your classmates are in university and your not and what is going to happen you dont know. its kind of scary for you.

They asked me what i was most afraid of.. my fears per say. Oh how do i tell them?

Actually i was ready to, i wrote it all down and everything. But seeing everyone else’s answers to the question, how they were so normal. Mundane.. perhaps even interesting to talk about, but they were nothing like mine.

My fears are dark. My heart has been shattered so many times I can’t find the pieces anymore.. and that too not by normal, run of mill circumstances. No boy trouble or generic broken heart syndrome here.

Well I’d be lying if i said i have never been betrayed before but thats not it. My hurt runs deep. Deeper than they could possibly understand. My pain is malignant and harsh like an open wound. I wish i had just told them i was scared of mice and the dark and heights and being alone and losing my mind.

Oh the things i could have said, i could have been so normal. So one of them. But I feel feel feel so deeply and hurt so mercilessly and my cuts are so deep and still bleeding.Im in a constant state of other. not one of them, not one of anyone really..

They said they don’t see depression in my eyes, this is not what depressed people look like. I concur dear sir, depression doesn’t wear her favorite pink sweater or pairs frilly pink dresses with muddy sneakers. Depression doesn’t leave her hair open cause its a sunny day and her hair is damp. Depression curls into a ball at night and holds herself so she can fall asleep before she falls apart. Because when depression starts crying, she can’t stop. Depression reads her favorite passages over and over because nothing that is real could be that good. Depression doesn’t eat if she is not fed, depression doesn't look like me.

How could they have possibly known..

The silent thoughts that dwell in your mind.

You are the one who worships thyself,

obsessed with what your mind is capable of.

Pain.

Unfathomable pain.

the kind that crushes your bones inside your chest.

an ache that never subsides.

do they see what is beneath your gentle smile?

Or the way you laugh. And cry at the same time.

do you want them to notice or do you want them to walk away.

what are you looking for?

Inside your mind is a hurricane of thoughts, destructive.

as they demolish every last piece of hope. Brick by brick you fortify yourself.

your eyes wander, aimlessly. looking for someone to understand.

do you want them to understand?

or do you want them to be just as confused as you are.

Because atleast youll be able to say they just dont get it.

But here’s some advice.
when buying gum always buy the bigger pack because that way you wont run out and its not like u wont eat the gum later.
its more economical.
i feel like.

Also, stop eating bread for breakfast,lunch and dinner.
Im so sick of bread but thats all we have at home.
My dad doesn't get that having 4 packs of bread wont help when we dont have anything to put in it. :/
I mean i have been eating bread for the past 3 days now.
Just plain bread.
i need to stop.

Also Im on the second Harry Potter book now, Its called the Chamber of secrets.
I love how the books aren’t super duper long but the content is so thorough and well thought out. Its quality over quantity.
Maybe thats why it stays with you for longer.

what else?
its almost midnight.
Im yawning like crazy.
this post was unnecessary.
whatever.

i’ll probably delete it later.
bye. ❤

I never thought id be able to understand the decision Rory takes after her tough talk with Mitchum Huntzberger, stealing a Yatch, quitting school and moving into her grandparents home.

I had never been through what she was going through.

Sure, i had been discouraged in my life, i have had my fair share of disappointments and let down but i found it difficult to empathize.

But this year, something very similar happened to me.

A professor i really looked up to, sat me in his office and told me i will never amount to anything in life. he told me i should have cheated on my final exam, like everyone else did because though he does not doubt my integrity, he believes that my paper was not up to the mark. I sat in his office and cried, i told him i work hard, i told him my entire situation and i felt pathetic.

There was absolutely no getting to this man.

He broke me down, all the walls i had ever built, all the hard work i had done he just took a mallet and ruined everything. And you know what's worse? I let him

I let him talk me into this self-loathing, misery.

I stopped going to university, i stopped attending classes, i stopped dressing up or hanging out with friends. I just went into a hole in my room, a dark depressive chamber and I never wanted to leave. I did not talk to anyone and no matter how hard i tried to pick myself up after that, those words hurt me more than anything in the world. And this is coming from a person who has to live with my dad. I'm not new to toxic masculinity. But this was different.

So, watching the episode when Rory loses her way and her gradual fall from grace. I understood it. I saw it in a new light that i had not previously seen. In fact i saw myself.

Color psychology suggests that different colors have different effects on a person’s mood and perception, this is due to the fact that some colors are associated with certain social elements in our environment. The color red is seen as an alert, danger or passion this is because we are socially and culturally nurtured to look at the color red and make the association with the feelings of danger or urgency or of passion. Similarly the color white stands for peace, the color yellow is happiness, the color black has an air of mystery etc. However the color pink is complex, because it is almost exclusively connected to femininity and female attributes, where both men and women can wear the color blue, black, brown and white etc the color pink is seen as an exclusively feminine color that can not be worn by men.

Pink is thought to have a calming effect.

One shade known as “drunk-tank pink” is sometimes used in prisons to calm inmates. Sports teams sometimes paint the opposing team’s locker room pink to keep the players passive and less energetic. It is important to remember that color associations are heavily affected by individual experiences and cultural influences. Color preferences are often linked to past experiences. People who are drawn to pink (or any specific color) tend to have pleasant memories of the color, while those who don’t like it may have negative or unpleasant associations with it.

Elvis Presley’s iconic 1955 Cadillac intended to make a statement, and it did.

The color pink plays a very important role in Popular culture as a revolutionary color, because the stark contrast of the color with anything rebellious is so staggering it leaves an impact. Elvis Presley’s iconic 1955 Cadillac intended to make a statement and it did, as did Marilyn Monroe in a figure-hugging dress in “Gentlemen Prefer Blondes” singing diamonds are a girls best friend. Throughout the centuries, pink has assumed a range of guises, from Barbie’s dresses to the saris of the Indian vigilante group, the Gulabi Gang, to Victoria secret’s line of athletic wear called pink to the pop artist P!nk taking this name and prancing around nude in front of the paparazzi in protest of their breaching her privacy. These are all iconic pop culture references that have left their mark and denote social change. Therefore the way pink has been perceived by society has changed, at various times being considered feminine and romantic but also transitioning and revolutionary, as were the social attitudes towards it. Feminists all over the world have taken this color as powerful socio-political mark. Where this was a color that many people tended to shy away from, this has now become the color of anarchy.

Valerie Steele, editor of the recently published book “Pink: The History of a Punk, Pretty, Powerful Color, stated that ‘The 150-year-old notion of pink as synonym with fragile femininity brought forward by the West is being challenged. Pink is now having a ‘cool’ phase: It’s hip, it’s androgynous, it’s strong. And it’s here to stay.’

It first became popular in the west in 1900s when both men and women wore the subtle shade of pink but it was geared more towards men as it was a lighter red, the color of the military uniforms. Increasingly men began wearing more bold and darker colors leaving the soft subtle shades for the women and thus it became a color worm by females of the upper class. By the turn of the century, the color entered the mainstream as factories were able to produce cheap dyes that made the color brighter so that even the lower class could afford it. The color was serialized after it became popular amongst prostitutes and burlesque dancers. Therefore the color transitions from sophisticated to vulgar.

Later on, the color became popular in French fashion as designers started using the soft blush pinks for their gowns as well as the brighter corals and cherries, making the color more expensive to buy due to their lavish designs and pushed it back into the realm of high fashion. The color was solely marketed toward women in the fifties as the pink is for girls, blue is for boys stereotype was more apparent in post-war America.

the question is why not both?

Names such as Jackie Kennedy and Marilyn Monroe made the color more coveted amongst the population, Madonna became a style icon and made pink glamorous. As did Britney spears, Fergie and the Pussy cat dolls. Recently the pink ensemble worn by Lady Gaga at the met gala was no less than a spectacle, keeping in mind that gaga is a known for her iconic looks that become the talk of the town. In this day and age pink has shed its childish and overly sexual image and has become artistic and androgynous, worn by men and women both. Thus the question is not whether pink is feminine or masculine, whether it is soft or dauntless, the question is why not both?

Pink can be both pretty and powerful and a person can be both feminine and feminist.

This is the national motto of United States and it is a slogan that is often repeated by leaders and politicians. This motto is printed on every US dollar bill therefore there is no denying its importance in American culture. Moreover the pledge of allegiance includes the verse ‘one nation under god’ and the even declaration of independence makes strong references towards God and his creation. When we talk about religion in the context of USA it is almost always from the perspective of Christianity because more than 71% of the US population is Christian. However there are many other religions present within USA that have the concept of God. The declaration of independence states that ‘all men are created equal and they are endowed by their creator’. The US constitution states every man shall take an oath when they come into office but no religious test shall ever be taken because there is a wall of separation between the Church and state. That being said, it is clear that USA is not a legally Christian nation. However culturally speaking, it is definitely a Christian nation therefore other religions have always been in the minority.

Islam as a religion is not the smallest minority in America but it is the most disliked religion, the question; why is it okay to hate Muslims in America? My first instinct was to link Islamophobia to 9/11 but upon research I found that 45% of the population had a positive perception of Muslims. What’s even more surprising is that post 9/11, the public perception of US Muslims was 59% favorable. So one is forced to wonder, where did this anti-Muslim sentiment and bigotry come from? This notion was popularized during the Iraq war and more evidently in the presidential election of 2008 in order to gain political backing and votes. Obama was suspected by the population for being black, Arab and Muslim. Once a concerned voter approached a republican candidate, John McCain and said that she heard that Obama was an Arab. To this he said “no ma’am, he’s a decent family man” as if Arabs or Muslims cannot be decent family people. This kind of discrimination has become a political tool. Ever since then, the one sure shot way to rally support from the right-wing is to hate Muslims. Trumps administration mastered the same formulae and orchestrated the Muslim ban which won him popularity amongst the conservative Christian population.

Negative portrayals of Muslims have become a part and parcel of US media landscape especially in movies and television shows. A small example of this is the cartoon Aladdin in which the good guys are given American accents whereas the bad guys all speak in heavy Middle Eastern accents. More examples of this can be found in the dictator, American sniper, Lawrence of Arabia and the kingdom etc. fuel the stereotypes that become the reason for hate crimes, ridicule and sneer for Muslims in America. The western perception of Muslims is distorted as savages whose women are victims of their oppression therefore someone from the west must go and save them from themselves. This is the crux of the SVS model of human rights; hat has been used and abused wherever US national interest could have been maximized whether it was internal politics or external. In the Middle East, United States had involved itself in conflicts under the hoax of bring liberty and freedom but ruining the lives of the people who lived there and terming it collateral damage. The problem with this is that the western political process is not compatible with Islam, which is why the basic conflict arises every single time.

In my opinion, the west needs to understand that people are no identical. Everyone can not have the same religion and the same language not the same system of government. The USA will find that it is much better off being unique rather than trying to make the rest of the world exactly like itself. USA is a diverse nation, and it can find power in the diversity of its people instead of conflicts. It is very much possible for Muslims and Christians to live in peace and harmony.

William Shakespeare amassed a great audience because he came up with concepts and ideas that made us pause and question ourselves.

He inspired some of the most radical and though provoking ideas.

“To do great right, do a little wrong.

. And curb this cruel devil of his will”

This takes deeper into our hearts and makes us question “is it justified to do a small wrong for the greater good?”

History and literature is strewn with events and characters that push this moral dilemma onto its audiences.

Take Robinhood for example. Had he not stolen from the rich and given to the poor?

Burhan Wani’s fight for freedom pulls at our heartstrings. But lets face it, had he not terrorised his enemies would he be able to fight for his people? Stand up of his homeland?

So you see how everything is based on the perspective you have of it?

There comes a time in all of our lives when staying completely honest may not serve us any benefit. Have you ever lied to protect your family? Have you ever broken a promise to help someone in need? You would be kidding yourself if you kept looking at the world through this lense of idealism.

John green says “the world is not a wish granting factory”

And rightly so! Its a cruel world out there. If you keep chasing some utopian phenomena then you’ll only end up at a dead end of disappointment.

Henry David Thorue says “Do not be too moral. You may cheat yourself out of much life so. Aim above morality! Be not simply good, be good for something”

Life and all it contains can not be categorised into black and white. There are grey areas which you mustn’t disregard.

Often times a little tempering of the truth can save a persons life so which would you chose to be selfishly self righteous or save a life?

That being said, by no means do I advocate dishonesty! I give my opponent enough regard to have the common sense to understand that i am talking about picking your battles! Weigh the pros and cons in every situation, set your priorities straight and do not judge too quickly. In the grand scheme of things that is the way to achieve greatness.

“Out beyond the ideas of right and wrong, there is a garden.

. I’ll meet you there”

THE SKIES WILL SEE FIRE

The skies will see fire once again. Clouds of smoke will render it dark, the rumble of jets will be heard in the distance. There will be screams of women and children running for shelter as the infrastructure collapses around them. Soldiers will be martyred, generals will be assassinated and the politicians will do what they do best, talk. But the talk will be futile, the words wont matter. In an era when lives dont matter, words are a idealistic phenomenon to be considered. The crisis will ensue, the oppressor will spew venom and the oppressed will be buried deep into the bullets of a war they did not want to wage.

But wait. From the rumble will rise a nation. A nation so strong, so unified that they will take the snake from its neck and strangle it. It wouldn't be the first time they have strangled the snake and as fate would have it it wont be the last. Streets will flood with people in black, not only mourning the death of a hero but a revolution bubbling in their core.

A cry of surrender? Absolutely not.

The world will stay silent as it does, at the infidelity of the superpower. We will all be on the same page. Unfortunately the page will be blank. Our eyes will be hallow, our tongues tied in twists. Has the venom gotten to you yet?

Why are you so quiet? have you been, dare i say, liberated too?

He brings people into our lives, makes them so special to us, makes us believe that they will never leave us. We create this entire life in our heads. And then poof. Its all gone. Just so you see that the only plan that will be followed is the one he makes.

Do not take anything in this life for granted. It is all bound to end. It will all end no matter how good or promising or happy it might seem. it will all come crashing down.