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Sally Bani Hani — Tue, 26 Apr 2016 09:52:35 GMT

It was waiting for me
Around the corner
When we first met
Staring at my body
Full of shivers and cold
I dig my nails into my skin
A distraction from the pain itself.
But its more powerful!
Than rocket ships
Though,
My mind was clear
But things changed!
It, was more stronger
Took my strengths away,
Like taking a baby, Like taking
Or a brownie from a child
And I thought, I knew
How to fight it back,
But I failed myself
With high expectations
Instead the way it stared at me,
Made me confused and lost
I have failed to fight it,
Though they told me
“ Things will be alright”
They lied,
It was much stronger than day light
More than bullet in someone minds,
It felt, like I was alone in this war,
Myself, me and I against it,
It was all I could think of
This feelings, losing my mind
Stealing away my sleeping time,
So slowly,
I never noticed
How It’s heavier now,
That monster who lives in my skull,
Is now like water, I cant live without
Very large and big,
But cant be caught,
Since physiatrist
Says “ Its not there, its not reality”
But somehow lives in my head
And the pressure is crushing
At the back of my neck,
I am its life force. Without me, it dies
It shortens my breath and
Accelerates my heart
Its the only thing, It want me
It tortures me,
There is no escape!
It still pursues me without pity.
It stares into the pit of my soul
And ignites my darkest fears.
Suffocating my will to fight
Worst part, This thing
knows me better than I know myself,
Its feels like every day,
I am marching to death,
Who I live nearby, I mean in
And I am now, just giving up
My entire ideas, love and mind to it,
This weight on my shoulders,
Is too much for a human,
To even stand by,
Its distorted spirit,
And gave me nightmares,
Though, I wanted to fight,
I needed to fight back,
But, it always finds me
It was always there,
Staring at my weak body,
watching my every move,
waiting for a mistake,
To stab and rip me a part,
Even destroy all the dreams,
I once had,
And to be honest, I am starting to feel
Like, I am only a puppet in his shows,
I am the marionette!
It controls my every thought
But release suicide as my words,
I want to fight,
I needed to fight back,
But this demon,
Is more stronger,
Than I can handle,
I want to fight,
I needed to fight anxiety,
I need to fight it back

Stories by Sally Bani Hani on Medium

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