Riding Waves Excerpt

January 2012

As I stare at my reflection in the mirror, I look the same as I always do, but I don’t seem to recognize myself. I wash my face and brush my teeth like every night before bed, but now I also wash my arm and change into a blue, long sleeve shirt so that I can’t see what I have done. I glance one more time in the mirror to see if I can catch a glimpse of who I use to be. As I lay down, almost falling asleep, I do feel better. That’s the problem. My arm stings, but I don’t hurt from Dan’s words and actions anymore. I still feel pain, but only from the cut forming on my arm. As I touch my left arm, I feel a slight scar from the last time that I did this to myself, and I drift off to sleep.”

I am the proud mother of three adult daughters and live in the Chicago area. I have worked in the Early Childhood Education field since 2001, and published the non-fiction book Fun4Babies in 2013 and the young-adult fiction book Riding Waves in 2014.

Learn more about my books HERE

Follow me @SchulhofSusan on Twitter

How do we know what our deepest desires are? I was at an event where the speaker asked us, “If God asked you right now what you want, what would you say?” At first I thought that was an easy question, but then I realized a few things. First off, what I want has changed over the years. Before my children were born, I would have begged for children and a family. Then once I was a mother, I probably would have asked God for just a little time for myself, just to go for a run or read a book. So now as I get older and my daughters are in college and graduating, what would I ask for today? Which brings me to my next thought. Would my request need to be solely for me? Everyone has their own free will and choices, so can I ask for happiness and joy for my daughters? What if my choices for them aren’t their choices for themselves. Could I ask God for what I want for them? If I need to ask just for myself, what would I say? I would like to pursue my dreams, but specifically what are those dreams.

My life goals in 2013 were:

1. Write and publish a fiction book
2. Travel and hike -Grand Canyon -Yellowstone -Italy -Australia
3. Inspire, mentor and/or teach others

I wrote and published a book called Riding Waves in 2014, as well as went to the Grand Canyon that year, so once again, “If God asked me right now what would I say?” Would my answer be that I want to sell more books and have success? Really? Would that be my answer to God? Then the next question that comes to mind is “What was my motive for writing them?” Is money the reason I wrote them? No. Why do I want to sell books? Why do I want to have success in my career? Money does come to mind, but that is not all. Sure I would like to pay my bills, have a little money to travel and to save a little for the future. All things that I can’t do right now. But what motivates me to write? Books have been an escape for me; they have been entertainment; they have taught and educated me, but they have also helped and guided me. Books and words make me think, make me feel and make me dream. In writing my books, I wanted to express myself, but really I wanted my words to touch others, so my answer to God would be: I want to reach, help, inspire and give hope to others by any means that I can, maybe my books can be the way.

http://www.amazon.com/Susan-Marie-Schulhof/e/B00IBPFHV8

https://itunes.apple.com/us/author/susan-marie-schulhof/id613849093?mt=11

http://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/Susan+Marie+Schulhof?fs=0&_requestid=358537

Why does a story about things that happen in real life scare people?

He grabs me by the shoulders and shakes

me saying over and over that he thought

that I was different. After what feels like an

eternity, I finally just tell him that I am

sorry; that I will tell him next time I go

somewhere. I know that I did nothing

wrong, and I know that I wasn’t with anyone

else, but he is just so upset with me that I

don’t know how to get him to stop. I could

tell that he feels betrayed by me. He doesn’t

cry like when I tried to break up last month,

which I am grateful for, but I do not like this

side of him either. He is still furious when he

leaves, swearing and screaming at me. He

won’t listen to me as I beg him not to get in

his car. I just stand there helplessly and

watch him speed away.

My mom asks if I am okay when I pass

her bedroom to go to mine. I tell her yes,

but the truth is that I feel terrible. That

overwhelming sadness has laid it’s blanket

over me again. I tried to convince Dan that I

did not betray him and that I love him, but

he is still so mad. He looked at me with such

hatred. I turn on my music and even try to

read my book again when I am back in my

room, but I can’t seem to think. I just don’t

know how to handle these feelings.

As I try to fall asleep, our relationship

and the entire night replay in my head. I

shake it off and try not to think. I keep

imagine him speeding and driving like a

maniac. I see Dan’s face as he drove away.

He had such anger in his eyes. I can’t get

that image out of my head as I try to read

my book. I keep wondering if he is home

yet, wondering if he is still furious. I try to

make myself stay in bed, but I can’t escape

these feeling. It overwhelms me as I get out

of bed, and look in the mirror. I tell myself

to stop as I watch the first tear roll down my

cheek. I tell myself to stop as I pick up my

comb. I tell myself to stop as I press it hard

against my skin. Without even thinking, I

just start running the comb across my arm.

I tell myself to stop as I move it back and

forth and press down even harder. I know

somehow that it will take away the pain that

I feel.

As I drag the tip of the comb back and

forth across my arm, I feel the pain seep out

with the blood. That sounds crazy, yet that

is how it feels as I cut myself. My head and

my heart hurt so badly. This is the only way

to release the emotions that I am feeling. I

don’t want to cut my arm with the comb,

but I just don’t know how else to release

this pain. I feel so helpless and out of

control….

http://www.amazon.com/Susan-Marie-Schulhof/e/B00IBPFHV8

What did Hermann Hesse mean by the quote, “Knowledge can be communicated but not wisdom”? Knowledge is facts, information and skills that a person can acquire from experience, and the definition of wisdom is the quality of having knowledge and experience. At first glance they do not seem that different, but as you break the definitions down you realize that others can teach you knowledge through their words and their actions. Wisdom seems to be your own interpretation of the knowledge that you are exposed to. It is your thoughts, feelings and responses to all that you learn, situations that you are in and circumstances that you encounter. Intelligence is a trait that most people are in awe of, but in many ways that is a talent or a God given gift. One’s ability to learn knowledge is determined by drive and ability, yet wisdom is limitless. All people possess an infinite ability to gain wisdom from the life they are living. https://www.facebook.com/susanmarie.schulhof.7